


Sex and candy

by Thespoonmaker



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, No Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:53:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 52,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25219582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thespoonmaker/pseuds/Thespoonmaker
Summary: One night at a pub is all it takes for Anna to find the person that will change her life forever.
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Anna/Elsa (Disney)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 49





	1. Sex and candy

**Author's Note:**

> This work is currently being rewritten. Enjoy and let me know what you think about it

Chapter 1

**Sex and candy**

Fourteen dollars in my pocket. They're not enough, aren't they? I don't think I've got anything else left. I've got no clothes. I don't have a phone. I don't have a family. At least not anymore and my friends... bah... to hell with them too! I don't need them. I can do very well by myself. I would have gone far had it not been for this stupid rain!

A distant flash makes me jump against the back of the sofa I am sitting on, as if it was called upon. I crouch in the darkest corner and sigh, hiding. Who am I trying to fool? I'll never make it alone. If it hadn't been for the rain that forced me to take shelter in this bar, I probably wouldn't know where to go now. 

This is apparently the busiest pub nearby and it's well known that where there's a big crowd there are also people who don't mind the business of others. They are usually too concerned in drinking and smoking and this, seems like the case. There are people on their own, like me, but no one bothers them and from this point of view I feel very safe. If I'm lucky I'll be left in peace too.

I don't want to look around myself. I don't want to know anything about anyone. I just want them to leave me alone, so I stare at the glass on the table as if it's the most interesting thing I've ever seen. And it's actually not that bad. The yellowish light of the chandeliers strikes the glass making it sparkle and making the brown liquid on the inside of various and intense shades of amber.

I caress the edge of the glass with my finger and then I wipe, with the back of my hand, a tear that has slowly made its way to my cheek without my consent. _You must be strong, Anna_ . _When will you learn?_ I take a sip of the bitter liquid and cough. When I'll leave this bar, if all goes well, I won't have those fourteen dollars anymore, but I'll be pleasurably drunk. Some people say the world is more cheerful when you're drunk. It won't hurt trying, right? I bottom up the content of the glass in one big gulp and then I rest my head on the table.

The taste is bitter and strong, but that's not the reason I'm quietly sobbing. I quickly wipe my tears and stare at the wall, concentrating every fiber of my being on the crack in front of my eyes. I don't want to think about anything now. I just want my drink to take effect and then I want to order another one. And another and another and ...

"Ahm... hey?" The voice takes me by surprise, but not as much as the hand resting gently on my shoulder. I stand back, jumping and slamming my back heavily against the couch. My heart is beating furiously in my throat and my eyes need a few minutes to figure out what's going on. "Are you ok?". A gentle and delicate voice asks again and only then I realize that someone is really talking to me and that it's not just a delusion of mine. 

The woman looks at me anxiously, as if I'm a dangerous person. She keeps her distance, but that one moment I put my eyes on her, I see concern in her eyes. Awesome. All I needed for was for me to pity someone. 

"I saw you crying and ...". She points with a finger to the place near the counter where she had probably been sitting and I swallow heavily. "Is everything fine?". She repeats in a faint voice, and I feel her eyes burning on me. The thought of a stranger staring at me while I'm… like this, makes me anxious.

"I'm fine thanks". I quickly say, drying the remaining tears on my cheeks. I probably look awful. My cheeks must be red and puffy as my eyes and my nose. I don't think it will be so easy to hide my face from her. The woman for her part doesn't seem to want to leave. She seems agitated, searching in the crowd with her eyes as if she's waiting for something to happen and then she looks back at me with a strange grimace. What exactly is she wants from me?

"Wait here, I'll get you a tissue." She says and disappears in the crowd. Is she serious? I sit up straight. I'm tense now. I thought this would be a quiet night, but this stranger ruined it acting as if I'm her human case. I see her come back minutes later with a big glass of water in her hands and a paper handkerchief, which she hands to me. I accept the latter and reject the former while she stands there. "Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?". She insists with a certain naturalness. She seems drunker than me, but her charisma is still kicking in apparently. And it's strong. I feel intimidated a bit. I would politely refuse her offer, but as soon as I open my mouth, thinking back at the question makes two big tears fall down my cheeks. I emptily stare in front of me. Do I really want to talk about what happened with a stranger? 

"With a stranger? Hell, no". I scoff sincerely, passing the back of my hand under my eyes as fast as I can. Only now do I reciprocate the look she is giving me and notice her gorgeous big ice-blue eyes. They dazzle me. "I mean… I appreciate your offer, but...". I murmur, taken aback, my voice softer now. I raise my handkerchief to make her understand what I'm referring to and I sigh. She smiles kindly. I'm glad she isn't trying to get any closer. The distance reassures me. "I… don’t feel like talking right now" I explain and she gives me a strange, worried look. Only then she notices the glass on the table. It's not exactly judgment I see in her eyes, but I don't think I can figure out what it is.

"You are definitely already drunk and you drank only one glass”. She announces dead serious, and I feel uneasy. How long she’s been staring at me exactly? “Is it the first time you drink? Are you old enough? You seem… young" She asks and I look at her seriously confused this time. What does she cares? What is she? A cop? I'm so taken aback by the question that I don't really know what to answer. I look at her open-mouthed and I remain silent. "I'm sorry." She immediately rushes and say, realizing her mistake. She raises both hands, in a sign of apology and with one rubs her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business. It's just… you seem in distress...". She moans faintly. "And I've had a lot of drinking. I couldn’t help myself" Here are my doubts confirmed. I watch her desperately try to regain her self-awareness and I realize that this could come back to my advantage. “I didn’t want to assume you’re a child. It was rude… If there’s something I can do to…”.

"You know...". I weakly try, stopping her, and she stares at me, waiting. I go back to rubbing the nape of my neck. "There's one thing that you could do, actually...". I swallow heavily with my heart in my throat, trying to sound more menacing than I actually am. _Anna... What are you doing? That's not fair. This isn't you._ "... to make yourself forgiven for thinking I'm a child." I conclude and she nods weakly in anticipation, before turning all her attention to me. I don't have the courage to ask her, so my guilt just pushes the empty glass in her direction with one hand. She looks at me... looks at me mercilessly, sighs and takes the glass.

"Sure." She confirms and turns to disappear into the crowd. _Uh..._ I pull my hair back with my heart beating madly in my chest and I cover my eyes. _I'm the worst. Am I taking advantage of a drunk woman now who only tried to help me? Great Anna. You just hit rock bottom._ For a moment I hope she doesn't come back. Instead she reappears many minutes later with two big glasses in her hands. One she holds it for herself, the other she puts on the table and gently pushes it in my direction. I really can't understand this woman. She looks at me waiting and I feel compelled to take the glass, with my hands shaking at the obvious bad action I have just done. I sip the sweet liquid. Her face is totally inexpressive. That's when I decide to do something strange. I make room for her on the couch and nod at her with my eyes.

"Care to sit with me?". I ask and she thinks about it for a long time. Only after a few minutes in she nods and takes her seat, keeping her distance. She looks around and drink from the glass without a word. She doesn't seem the chit-chat kind of person and I don't feel in the mood to speak. So the evening proceed slowly and silently as it had begun. Only now I have a strange company. 

After what I think is my third glass, I turn and look at her. I see her hair as light as snow and her pink plump lips. All things I hadn't appreciated before. She also has a good figure. I'd say I feel a little jealous. As a woman, she's not bad. Some men try to woo her as well. They come talk to her, but she ignores them. Each of them, no distinction. Even those who, in my opinion, would be very good partners. She's sitting next to me and she's not moving. That's it. 

I'd like to ask why. In fact, this is weird. But I prefer to observe her to get a clue and I notice that her gaze seems to be more focused in the direction of certain girls. I think I might be wrong, so I say nothing in the beginning, but I get my final confirmation when one of the women she's watching walks past her. She turns around and her gaze follows the woman to the exit. I think she wants to go after her. But she doesn't. At last I see her sigh and, unexpectedly, she turns to look at me. I think she understands what I was looking at and her pale face is colored a slight red. She knows she's been discovered.

"Feeling better now?" She politely asks to hide the embarrassment. I'm starting to realize she's a very shy girl. She sips out of her glass and keeps an eye on me, as if she's waiting for an hint to leave. I could use this information if I wanted to. But do I want to? I nod weakly to her question and wait for her to bid farewell and retreat, as I suspected she would do. It doesn't happen. Why? "I'm glad." She smiles, looks at the watch on her wrist and drinks another sip from her glass. She's not moving.

"What's your name?" I ask kindly, now curious, sipping my glass still half full. I'm want to decipher her and I’m drunk and my thoughts bother me much less, so nothing's gonna stop me soon. It's time to chat. She swallows and reels weakly, like a fish. She closes her mouth, swallows again. I'm starting to worry she's become mute, when her voice suddenly clears.

"Elsa." She says calmly, fiddling with her glass and staring at the crowd in front of her. Her voice is barely audible and I don't think I got it until, after repeating what I've heard, she nods shyly. _Elsa._ It's an unusual name. I tell her mine and she just smiles at me and makes me understand that she got the message. Nothing more. The more I look at her and interact with her, the more convinced I am that she is a person who is not exactly ordinary. I'm interested in knowing what a woman like her does in a bar like this, alone. I ask her. She shrugs without giving me a real answer. I should have expected that. I try to ask her more questions, but I can't uncover anything. Her answers are always vague or completely non-existent. Does she want to be mysterious with me? I decide to try everything and throw myself on a question that I am sure she will not be able to ignore. I watch her look at what I think is a dancer and she squeezes the glass so strongly that her knuckles whiten.

"Why don't you go talk to her?" I ask and she turns to look at me so quickly that I feel her neck snapping. Her pale face becomes a penetrating wine red, her eyes are as big as plates and she suddenly seems on the verge of having a heart attack. She laughs weakly and wistfully and looks at her hands tight around the glass. That's it. "There's nothing wrong with it." I insist and she shrugs, refusing to answer me. She's a really tough girl. It's going to be hard to get words out of her mouth. "You'll never know if you don't try."

"It's... it's not that simple." She replies calmly, barely hiding the tension in her voice. Her eyes are always fixed on the blonde who is now chatting with a big man. "She's so beautiful, and I...". She mutters, shrugs and lowers her gaze on her glass. _‘You're so shy, 'cause there is no way you are not gorgeous enough’_ I think to myself, but I don't say it out loud. I don't want to offend her or worse, make her realize that I noticed. "I wouldn't know what to say." She whispers sadly. I cross my fingers on my glass and then turn to her.

"Where did you find the courage to come and talk to me?" I ask bluntly. I would never have said it was that hard for her to approach a woman when she first approached me. Maybe a metaphor can help her. She pauses for a moment and thinks carefully about it. Then she shakes her head. "Listen, you've been here, baring with me all night, for a reason I still can't understand... You offered me a drink... some actually... I have to try and help you, don't I? Can't you just do the same to her?".

"It's different." She says and I'm glad I was able to at least make her talk, even if to a small extent. "You… were crying. I can't look at girls crying. It’s my weak spot. And you really seemed in need for company." She explains with kindness, leaving out the details to my great pleasure, then nods to the girl. "She has enough already. I can't show up there and ask her to come home with me, right? She doesn't expect it. She wouldn't accept."

"I'd love to come home with you." I retort with conviction. She really needs someone to inculcate in that pretty head of hers some self-esteem. "I mean, I don't know you, but I'd say you're a good person. A really _good_ person, if you know what I mean". I joke, flashing her a wink, sipping out of my glass. She turns to me and smiles amusedly. "I can't see under your clothes, but I can much imagine what's in there." She looks at me, blushing furiously and then she laughs in embarrassment. "Yes, I mean... doesn't seem bad." She looks at me and laughs faintly again to diffuse the situation.

"After _this_ courting, I might start wanting to take _you_ away." She jokes and drinks from her glass, going back to look at whatever she's looking at, looking melancholy and dreamy. "You at least make me laugh." It is at this very moment that the phrase strikes me as a boulder. I swallow and stare at my glass in silence. Too many thoughts go through my mind.

"It's not... a bad idea." I whisper, clearing my voice. She turns again to look at me, slowly and mechanically this time. We stare at each other in silence. I think she heard what I said, so I'm going to confirm her thoughts. "Do you think it would be so bad?" I ask and hear a subdued groan from her. I don't know what that means, but her expression doesn't convey anything good to me. Now she's staring at me with eyebrows so wrinkled that they almost touch and she bites weakly at her lower lip. I can clearly discern the moment when her heart sinks into her chest, when she suddenly pales and starts coughing. I should have taken it easy with her, given her personality. I don't know how to fix it now.

"To tell the truth I'm not the kind of person that… hooks up with strangers" She says suddenly and the phrase catches me by surprise. I pull a tuft of red hair behind my ear that keeps falling in front of my face. "Are you sure you are of age though?". Her question confirms the doubt she gave me a few hours ago. She thinks I'm underage. I don't know how to interpret this information. Do I really look that young? I confess, lying, that I am twenty-one years old and I see her breathe a clear sigh of relief. "I think it would be nice. A new experience..." It's a confirmation, about my proposal. That's it. I thought she would react with a little more enthusiasm, but I realize that the way she anxiously fiddles with her glass is already a fairly exhaustive answer. "You want to stay a bit longer and see how it ends?" She asks, pointing to the hall, with a trembling hand.

"No...". I whisper and get up calmly. She follows me on a wheel. She glances at me, knocks down her liqueur in one breath and swallows heavily. I see the anxiety in her eyes. She's so cute. I think in a different world we'd be the perfect couple. The melancholic girl and the shy one. But in this world we are just a girl who wants to spend a night with a roof over her head at any cost and another who is so tired of sleeping alone that she's willing to accept the avances of a stranger. It's a small, sad world. And I'm going to sleep in a real bed tonight. That already makes me a little happier. I see her wiping her hands on the jeans she's wearing.

"Are you sure? I am not used to this. It might be a flop". She says, but it's not a change of heart I see in her eyes. Rather concern mixed with a pinch of protection. I'm glad it's her and not someone else. She seems to care. I nod. I'm drunk enough and in a good mood now to be able to deal with this. I won't remember anything in the morning if I'm lucky and maybe she will let me stay long enough to see breakfast. I win twice. She smiles at me and kindly offers me a hand. I take it without hesitation. I thought her hands would be sweaty but they are cold and soft. It's a surprise.

I let myself be driven out of the club where we have a sports car waiting for us. Another surprise.

"Is that a Ferrari?". I ask in amazement and she nods. "I've never seen one up close before. Must cost a fortune". I look at it. It's black and polished and brand new. I am not an expert but a car this famous is impossible to not know. 

"It's to compensate my small dick". She jokes and, unexpectedly, this make me laugh. I didn’t expect a pun like that from her. She seems happy that her joke went trough, because she smiles too. It's just a smirk but it's there and makes her look smug. "It's a rent out. Not actually mine". She explains.

"Is it to impress chicks?". I ask mischievously. 

"I needed something nice to drive in the city, but…". She shrugs. "Maybe… is it working?". I rise my eyebrows. She's nice and she’s getting bolder by the minute. I don't think I could have found a better conquest. If I had known she was like this, I would have shortened the sentence the moment she came to talk to me. Sometimes people are forced to make choices and I think this could be the happiest choice of my life. I get in the car, tie my belt and close my eyes, hoping it doesn't bring me any more nightmares tonight.

We stop in front of a big building. She guides me inside, holding me by my shoulders. The man at the post inside the hall says hi with his hand and I do the same with a smile. We take an elevator and finally we are at her apartment's door.

She stumbles but she's able to open the door at her third try. She turns to smile at me and then turns on the light to let me in. The apartment is not what I expected from a girl with a Ferrari. It's small and empty. She closes the door. I look around and this is the moment I notice some photos on the kitchen top. I look at the people in them and understand. 

"This is not your house either". I point at the pictures and she nods. "There's no you in them". 

"It's a rent too". She calmly explains. "I am not American. Let's say I am here to work". She takes off her coat and places it on the coat hanger. 

"I wouldn't have told. You don’t look like a foreigner". She seems so American and her accent has nothing strange. She smiles and goes for the fridge. "You know… let's…". I take the pictures and force them in one of the drawers of the kitchen. "... just pretend you live here. For tonight. It would make me less anxious". She chuckles. "Won't you show me your house?". 

"Something to drink first? Beer? Juice? Water?". I refuse and she chooses a juice for herself and closes the fridge. She goes further in the house and I follow her. She shows me the bedroom. It's quite nice. Full of pillows. She crawls over a stereo, that’s near the television and puts on some music. She opens her bottle and sips it, lazyly. A country rhythm fills the air and I laugh. 

"What are you doing?". 

"Trying to set the atmosphere". She says and I bit my lips. "But this house's owner has shitty taste in music apparently, so we will have to settle with what we have". She shuffles through the songs and doesn't seem satisfied. "I am not used to…". She gulps down some air. "... doing it in silence". 

"I am not gonna have sex over Josh Turner, Elsa". She laughs. "I am serious. I have enough traumatic experiences on my shoulders already. And having sex on my father's favourite song is not one I want to endure". She shows me her most charismatic smirk. She's so cute. And picky. I've never had this problems with the men I've been with. None of them ever complained for having to do it in silence. 

“He won’t get offended if we dance to it though, right? For a bit… to get the things going...". She asks and I make a grimace. She stands and offers her hands to me. Signaling for me to take them. I am not sure I want to make myself ridiculous in front of her. I am starting to like her, I don’t want to ruin it tripping over my own feet. 

"I am drunk. I might vomit on the rug. Better not...".

"Then again… not my rug". She jokes, showing me her white teeth. "Are you scared?". She intercepts and I pout.

"Yes. I don't dance". She nods.

"Neither do I, but tonight is the night for new experiences. Come on… don’t make me wait". She insists and I feel compelled to accept. I take her hands and she rests them over her hips and then she hugs me, leaning her head on my shoulder. She starts moving slowly. She's so fucking smooth, it's unnerving. "You smell so nice Anna… I like it". She whispers at my ear so softly, my legs go weak. 

"Thanks". I answer, pulling some hair behind my hear. "I mean… you do too. Smell nice". She smiles, but she says nothing about it. "You are so muscular… do you go to the gym often?". She says no with her head.

"I don't have time for that…". I nod, letting her know I got it. Time passes and we're still here. Dancing slowly to a music that's too fast. We hold each other saying nothing. I feel self-conscious now. What should I do to just not ruin the moment? This is strange for me. It really feels like she's going all out here to woo me and this has never happened to me before. Why try so hard? She already has me. There's no need for foreplay. She could just do it and forget it. "Something is in your mind…". She murmurs and my lips tighten.

"The men I've been with never made all this effort to get me going". She looks at me with pity in her eyes and I can't hold her gaze. I know what I said might be misinterpreted, but I never minded it. It’s more simple if there are no feelings attached. I hear her sigh in disappointment.

"Why not?". That is a question I can't answer. I shrug and I feel her hands hold on my shirt. "They were not the right people Anna". She says, still whispering gently. I scoff unimpressed. 

"Oh, and you are? A bit cocky, aren't you?". She smiles. Suddenly I feel her lips pressing at the base of my neck and I jump in surprise and a soft moan escapes my lips. I have to cover them with a hand, but it's too late. I hear her laugh and I blush. 

"You deserve to be courted. I might not be the best, but I can try better... If you like it?".

"Don't get me wrong… this is nice. It's really nice. But it's not what I want". I explain and she stills to listen to the rest. "I mean… I don't want to…". 

"... become attached". She concludes and I nod sadly. She gets it and pulls me away. I feel rejected and lonely for a second then I understand that's exactly what I asked for. Why do I keep hurting myself? "Do you want to… get it over with?". 

"It's not what I said…". I try to amend, but what is done is done. She leans on the stereo and turns it off. The moment is over. 

"But you were implying it…". She says and I don't have the courage to add a single word to that. She seems nervous again now. She turns off the switch and I can see her thanks to the light that enters the window. She crawls over the bed and pats on the mattress. "It's ok. There’s no need to be so formal. We agreed to this, right?”. It’s a rhetorical question but I nod and go lie down next to her. I lean my head on the pillow and look at her. Even in the dim light she’s beautiful. 

“I have never done this, so… I’m a bit nervous”. She chuckles.

"Neither have I". She murmurs. 

"What do you mean ‘neither have I’?". I ask, surprised and she looks at me with the same puzzled expression. "I thought you were gay…". Elsa finally understands my confusion and laughs. 

"Jumping to conclusions… aren't we?". She jokes and my eyebrows nearly touch. It’s her renewed laugh that makes me understand she got me, this time. “I have never done this…”. She points at the general situation between us and I feel stupid. “Who told you I’m gay?”. She asks and I shrug. I try to explain then resign.

“What are you then?”. She does answer. She likes to be mysterious and I have to admit this kinda turns me on. It’s a game I would like to play with her. To try and solve her... 

“Is it important?”. She asks back and I say no with my head, even if I might be a little curious. “I think it’s better if we stop talking, this is getting embarrassing”. I confirm and she stares at me for a moment, then she swallows and leans on. I stop her, pushing her away.

“No kissing”. I command and she seems disappointed. “Kissing a woman… I am not ready for that”. She tries to argue, but I don’t give her the space to. I sit on her lap and she smiles. “Last words?”. She gasps. “Awesome! Let’s do this”.

  
  



	2. Experimentation

Chapter 2

**Experimentation**

  
  


When I start regaining consciousness I feel confused. It's not just the headache, I have to say, that leaves me perplexed. It is also and above the high ceiling that welcomes my gaze when I open my eyes and hence the most obvious question. Where am I? This doesn’t seem like the usual roof of the train station. It is rather one of a house and nor even the noises seem the usual ones I know, because in fact I don't hear any. The silence is so heavy and muffled that it seems surreal. I swallow heavily, rub my face and slowly push my head against the bedpost, to rise my point of view. The light is dim, but I can still distinguish the contours of the room I am in. Because in fact it really is a room. The furniture looks quite modern. A chest of drawers, a wardrobe... and the rest seems littered with pillows. The bed is low, hugging the ground and covered in thick blankets. An eccentric and minimalistic room. No doubt about it. But what comforts me the most is the heat. The pleasant warmth that invades the air and cuddles me right down into my bones. It was so long since I experienced such confort. And I owe everything to…

I turn around and see a blond tuft coming out from under the heavy duvet. I raise my eyebrows and gently lift the blanket to peer underneath. The image of a half-naked woman, totally asleep, welcomes me. Hmm... it's a girl this time. Not bad. She does look fine. Drunk me has nice taste. I sigh and lie back down. The clock on the wall marks half past three in the morning. The time I usually wake up... or get woken up. I turn to the lady and try to remember her name. I remember everything from last night and that’s a first. Apparently the liquor was not enough… or she was just that awesome! Elsa, right? I reach out and gently pull her blonde, nearly white hair away from her face and look at her. They are so soft and they smell nice and they are so thin… I would have never thought I would say something like this of a woman but… fuck she’s gorgeous. I have to admit it.

"Hei snuppa...". I hear her mutter affectionately, with her shrill and sleepy little voice. "What are you doing?". She asks with confusion and it’s in this instant that she squints an eye and I see that it is of a magnificent and intense shade of blue. Man... they’re better than I remembered. It’s like that eye is talking to my soul. My heart skips a beat. Hmm... unexpected. Apparently she remembers me too. A more unique than rare event. She sighs heavily and leans on her elbows to pull herself up and glance at the watch on her wrist. When she sees the time she grunts and collapses again against the pillow.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you up. I was just observing you." I confess, stretching a smile and she makes a face halfway between the unbelieved and the confused. She has the face of 'what the hell...' and that makes me smile a big smile. It is disturbing Anna, she seems to say and I realize it really is. 

“Seeing something you like?”. She jokes instead, giggling. I don’t laugh, taken as I am worrying about what she will do with me when she’ll be awake enough. She stretches her hand and caresses my cheek, to console me as if she senses my internal turmoil. I let her, pressing myself on her fingers. People usually react in much worse ways. “Why are you up at this hour?”. 

"I was thinking… Do you want me to leave?". I ask, anticipating the moment she will surely throw me out. She closes the same eye again and makes another face. This time an exasperated one.

"I want you to go back to sleep, Anna. It's three in the morning." She snorts, looking at me as if I'm crazy. She turns away and stops moving. I'm not saying it's the first time, but it's one of the few ones I don't get kicked out of the house immediately. I want to test my luck by trying something that usually fails. Apparently people prefer to take their own space after they get what they want, but I am literally craving some human contact.

"Hey...". I whisper and I hear her grunt weakly in response. "Could I hold your hand? I know I sound like a kid right now, but I can't sleep." I wait a few seconds for her to give me an answer. A few minutes pass and I almost convince myself that she has sent me to hell, when I see her turn around and stare at me. This time both eyes are half-closed. She breathes heavily and then swallows. She raises her hand and offers it to me. I don't believe it, is she serious?

"I will hug you if it’s necessary… but you have to stay put. No kicks and definitely no moving. I am very sensitive to movement. Just sleep still like a statue". She murmurs, making herself comfortable. 

“Is snoring allowed?”. She smiles.

“As long as it doesn’t wake me up…”. I nod without thinking. "Will you let me sleep then?". She asks and I confirm. She shrugs and beckons for me to come closer. I don't let her repeat it twice. I cuddle against her and hide my face against her neck. I feel her arms close on my shoulders, then she finally stops moving. This is unexpected. I must have definitely made a good impression last night to get such an attitude in return. I stay put and take a long, satisfied sigh. Just what I needed. I feel my tense shoulders melt and relax.

"Stop crying, okay?". She whispers and pulls my hair back from my forehead. "Sleep". What is she referring to? I think I know. I must have started crying again in my sleep. This is very embarrassing, but it doesn't seem to bother her, so I pretend I didn't hear and I go back to closing my eyes and pretending that nothing happened. It doesn't take me long to find the sleep I lost. Her breath and her heartbeat against my ear are like a lullaby. When I reopen my eyes, the room is still dark, but when I turn to look at the clock, the numbers on the display mark eight-thirty. In all this the woman has not moved an inch.

This time I sit up, gently freeing myself from her grip. I'm hungry. Last night I didn't put anything under my teeth, but I don't have the courage to get up and wander around the house without permission. I don't know how this woman could react. I don't even know if she's willing to let me stay for breakfast. I don't want to challenge my luck. Maybe I should leave before she wakes up, to make it less embarrassing. I try to stand up, but I find out she is a light sleeper. Or maybe I'm the one who can't move quietly, in any case I hear her grunt heavily and she opens her eyes with a sigh. Her gaze immediately turns to look at me. I remain paralyzed and I don’t know exactly how to move until I see her burst into a soft laugh and draw back her hair with her hands, then stretching her numb muscles.

"You have the strange ability to wake me up every time in the most interesting moment of the dream". She jokes and I feel slightly mortified. But she doesn't look angry. She rubs her face and sits up sleepily and definitely bored. "What are you doing this time?". She asks with curiosity, observing me. I feel her sharp eyes pierce me. It's like she wants to memorize my every movement with those perfect blue spheres. I think about it. I could lie, but then I decide to be honest. Something in this woman inspires confidence in me and in any case she has proven very kind, so I feel compelled to reciprocate.

"I was leaving". I say, biting my lip and she gives me a strange look. I could be wrong but I notice something like anger shining in her eyes. She stares at me in silence for a few minutes and I don't know why something tells me not to interrupt the moment, as I usually do. I let her stare at me and then she finally sighs, before getting comfortable again against the pillow. She points to something on the other side of the room and I notice her clothes well folded in a chair. In fact, I don't know where mine are. I don't see them in the midst of all the chaos of pillows and blankets. I think she wants me to hand them to her and I do it. I see her dress slowly.

"You were leaving...". It is just a comment after a long moment, but it hurt like she’s shouting. I see her stand up and button up her pants. "... without saying goodbye". She adds calmly and she stares at me. I understand that I'm in trouble when I meet her eyes. "You don't even want to stay for breakfast". She comments and it’s as if she’s heavily pondering the words before saying them. "I mean I know we agreed for this to be just fun, but there’s no need for the walkashame. I thought I earned better last night. This seems... just to say... a bit rude of you." And indeed she seems to be quite offended.

"Is it?". I ask in confusion. I don’t remember having a conversation like this before. I am the fun of the night not of the morning. Usually the men I went out with wanted me to be out of their houses as quickly as possible. She turns to look at me for a moment, while she dresses, she smiles at me sympathetically and nods. "Oh... I'm sorry?". I try genuinely mortified, but I don't see any reaction from her. Not that I care, mind me. I don’t know her. It's just... she likes me. I can see it from the way she looks at me and that’s so unusual... I don’t want to disappoint her. "I'm not an expert on how... you know... behave after a one night stand... with a woman". I explain and maybe I made things worse because as I say it, I see her raise her eyebrows, make a puzzled grimace and stare at me. Long enough to make me feel uncomfortable. She’s not the type of many words, but she manages to give very eloquent glances apparently. And I interpret this as a warning. What makes me think it was just a night stand? Or rather... was it just this for you? And I feel my heart sink in my stomach with shame and embarrassment. "Not that I believe it was just an affair… Oh, god, I am making it worse…”. I murmur in panic. “I... I would love to stay for breakfast. Really. I just thought that you wouldn't want me... here?". I try miserably to save my face. I'm not used to discuss certain things with people. We stare at each other and she finally sighs and looks up at the sky with a smile. All the tension is suddenly gone.

"You can go, Anna. I'm just telling you it would be nice if you said bye first. You know… I would feel like ‘less of a fuck toy’". She says calmly and I let out a weak 'oh...'. I don't know how to react to this. I don't know whether to say goodbye and leave or insist and embarrass myself. While I overthink, she passes in front of me and crawls out of the room. My jeans suddenly hit me right on the neck. I recover from my thoughts and I hear her faintly laughing. "Your clothes. Do you want to walk around naked, søta?". She jokes and I feel ashamed. She seems to be having fun teasing me. I dress slowly and when I feel ready I leave the room and find myself directly in a small kitchen. The woman is messing with a teapot and gives me her back.

The kitchen is very clean and simple. I would add aseptic. There is only the necessary furniture. On the kitchen counter I see a yellow binder full of sheets, well placed in a corner, even kept almost hidden. On the binder I can barely distinguish a name, written in beautiful script. Elsa. Maybe it's job related. I approach her cautiously and wipe my sweaty hands on my shirt before pulling back a chair and sitting up. She keeps fiddling around until she's finished. Apparently my wanting to be part of breakfast is not an option. Finally she turns and puts a mug full of brown liquid and a plate full of biscuits in front of me. I thought there would be bacon and eggs, but I am disappointed. The cookies are good, but I would like a more American breakfast. I'll have to be dissatisfied.

"What is this?". I ask, turning to the liquid in the glass and she smiles at me.

"It's for the headache, it works well with me when I drink too much." She says and beckons me to drink. Man, she’s kind... I obey and discover that it is sweet and fruity. It's not bad at all.

Breakfast proceeds in silence, while Elsa stares at me with interest. She is sitting in front of me with crossed fingers resting under her chin and a stupid little grin on her lips. I don't know what she's looking at. Maybe I have something on my face. When I look at her with a questioning look, she shrugs and smiles. I must confirm. She really doesn’t talk much but strangely I don’t miss the conversation. I feel pretty comfortable. Until a phone starts ringing, breaking the silence.

I almost jump from the surprise. I should have imagined that Elsa had had one hidden somewhere. I see her make a strange grimace. I can't interpret it. I only understand that that phone call puts her in a strange state of mind. She seems torn. The phone rings unheard for a few minutes, until it stops. I don't see it around, so Elsa has to keep it somewhere in the other room. I look at her for explanations and she shakes her head to make me understand that it is nothing. She continues sipping her tea calmly. I notice that her mood doesn't improve, but I don't ask any more questions. It’s none of my business. I take a sip of the hot soup in my cup and look at the clock. It marks nine and almost a quarter. I clear my throat.

"Shouldn't you be somewhere? Maybe at work...?". I ask, to start a conversation. She stares at nothing for a few seconds, then shakes her head. "Have you got no appointments?". She thinks about it, for a long time. I don't think it's such a difficult question, and yet I see her conflicted. As if she doesn't know how to answer. She glances at me, smiles at me, when she notices my bewilderment and raises her eyebrows.

"What about you? Where were you running so fast?". She asks and I shrug my shoulders. If only she knew... Apparently neither of us want to answer the question and I'm fine with it. I certainly can't expect her to tell something about herself to a stranger. "Anna I...". She tries. She looks at the table in silence and in the end she doesn't say a word. I might be wrong, but I have the impression that a very fragile person is hidden under that taciturn armor. Finally she stands up, smiles at me and reaches for my shoulder, but before she touches me she pulls her hand back and wraps her arm against her waist. "If you decide to go, just be safe. I know you won't call me back, so I don't waste time giving you my number." She mumbles, bends down to kiss my forehead and disappears again beyond the bedroom door. Thus, for no apparent reason. I don't understand this woman. I can't even guess what she thinks. She's a mystery. A big question mark with legs. Beautiful legs. I sigh and pull my hair back. 

I think maybe that was a nice way to tell me to get out of the way, so I stand up and head for the bedroom. I look inside and see Elsa watching forecast on tv stretched out on the bed, giving me her back. Ok... I open my mouth to say bye, but I don't have the courage. Cut it out here, Anna. She doesn't want to see you. I nod to myself and drag myself toward the entrance. I take my worn coat back from the coat hanger and put it on before I go out and gently close the door behind me. I am alone once again with fourteen dollars in my pocket, in an unknown palace and, as I find out when I leave the building, in an unknown neighborhood. I soon discover that I am in a fairly affluent area of Corona. I had never been here, not even by combination. My area is at least three neighborhoods away. I could easily get there with a couple of buses, but I prefer to walk. I don't want to spend what little I have left in transport, when my legs work perfectly.

I watch people walk around and I feel uncomfortable. I am deeply out of place in this environment. I can't wait to get back to my place. There nobody would look at me strange for my ratty coat or my shabby sneakers. Elsa didn't seem to notice them at all. Maybe I should have asked her if I could take a shower. And as I think about it, it starts snowing. But not just common snow. A real blizzard in Snowmageddon kinda style. It has been at least a week since last I saw this bad weather. At some point I can’t stand it anymore. I will freeze to death so I shelter myself in a coffee shop and I feel like a sponge full of water. The waitress looks at me strangely and passes by. What's up? Have you never seen a woman in the storm before? The gentleman at the counter looks at me, twisting his nose.

"Can I do anything for you, miss?". He asks haughtily. What is these people problem? I shake my head and stay close to the door, explaining that I just want to be out of the snow for a few minutes. The man does not seem to take it well. "If you don't need anything, that's the door, miss." He says with fake kindness and I give him a angry look. Are you serious? From how he looks at me I would say that, yes. He's serious. I look out of the door, the raging wind and I find myself making a painful choice. In the end I decide that the storm wins, so when the snow seems to calm down for a second, ten minutes later, I go out of the bar with a bag of pastries and not even a penny in my pocket. I walk all the way back to the building I just left and try to find Elsa's name on the intercom. I have no luck, so I knock on the door, saying I forgot my keys. The doorman opens. I pass in front of him, who, thankfully, recognizes me and just lowers his head to greet me and I head straight to the ninth floor with the elevator. Knock on the door. Nothing.

I wait there, cold and wet and I think I was stupid even to want to set foot outside the house without Elsa’s help. I should have let her drive me home. Now I find myself without money, in front of a stranger’s door, who unexpectedly half-opens. Elsa glances at me from the crack that’s created and as she sees me, she opens the door wide and stares at me. She seems puzzled.

"Anna… already missing me?". She asks smiling, then she sees I am devastated. "What happened?". She asks with concern, looking at me from head to toe. 

“There’s a blizzard outside…”. I murmur, pointing at the stairs. “I got sweets, can I… get in? Just 'til it wears off. Won’t take much and I’ll be out of your hair”. I lift the package with sweets and she ignores them. She pulls me in and closes the door. 

"You'll get pneumonia, du tosk." She scolds me and I see her disappear over a door, which I suppose is the bathroom. She comes back with a big towel and slams it over my head before pulling my coat off. I explain what happened and she doesn't laugh, as I had hoped. In fact, thinking back at it is a funny story. She drags me into the bathroom and opens the hot water in the tub. "You should have taken a taxi. Walk in this weather…". She warns and she seems disgustingly serious. Her look is almost scary. I don't even try to defend myself. I wouldn't know how to argue. "Undress, I'll get you some dry clothes." She orders me and disappears over the door.

She's just too good to be true. Maybe she's not. Maybe I'm dead and I didn't notice. I undress and immerse myself in the hot water without making a fuss. Maybe I shouldn't take advantage of her kindness. When she returns, she finds me curled up in a corner of the tub. I don't want her to see me naked, even though I think it wouldn't be the first time, seen last night. She puts a pile of clean clothes on the bathroom counter and approaches me, handing me a new, still-wrapped bar of soap. I accept it, extending a hand. She nods and goes to the door, but I stop her before she can leave.

"Elsa?". She turns to look at me quizzically. Now a thank you should follow, but I find myself gasping and, in the absence of words, I just nod. It may seem strange, but she understands that too. She smiles weakly, nods in turn and leaves, closing the door behind her. "Thanks". I whisper when the door is closed, even if it is too late.

When I leave the bathroom I see her standing in front of the kitchen counter again, the yellow binder in her hands. She reads it greedily until she notices me. She looks up, closes it and smiles at me fondly. I wear the clothes she’s left for me. They’re huge and I keep pulling them up with one hand. This makes her laugh faintly.

"I see you've found the hair dryer." She says, pointing to my tousled but dry hair. I nod in embarrassment and hold a lock in my fingers. "This blizzard is something serious. I was listening to the news earlier and they said it's gonna last a couple of days. My flight has been cancelled so I thought, if you don’t have to work and if you don’t mind… that maybe you could stay. Keep me company. I would have asked you before, but you seemed so desperate to leave...”. I don’t know how to answer to that. "Did I embarrass you?" She asks and I blush, shaking my head. It is not the best way to deny, I would add.

"It's the first time someone invites me to stay over after... you know." I say and she rubs the back of her neck, biting her lips. "Won’t I be a bother? I don’t want to intrude". I try and she’s quick to shake her head and reach out for my hand. I hold on a second to think about it, but then again… why not? I take it and she finds the way to pull me into her and hug me. Man, she’s a hugger! I find myself pressed against her chest and I feel like dying of embarrassment.

"You are not, Anna. On the contrary... I would say that you're comforting". Announces Elsa and I feel my face burning. "You can stay as long as you want. I don't mind". I like this… the talking and the touching actually! I feel suddenly relaxed as if I was bearing the weight of the word on my shoulders and now it’s suddenly liften. I hold her back and sigh. The real comfort here is not me.

"Thanks". I hear her chuckle and rest her head on mine.

"You should stop thanking. Last night you were bolder… I assume it was on the alcohol" She says, she puts her hand under my chin and raises my face to look into my eyes. Hers are so penetrating that I feel almost shiver. 

"Well, you were shyer". I blurt and she chuckles mouthing a 'touché…'.

"Do you want me to be shyer then?". She laughs, bending to kiss my neck and I jump from surprise. I press my hands on her shoulders and she understands I feel uncomfortable and stops. After a second she breaks the moment, putting some distance between us. "I am going to sleep. Do whatever you want. Just don't break anything". I nod in a trance and suddenly feel her pressing a chaste kiss on my temple with an amused little smile. Then she turns around and she nudges me towards the bedroom. I even feel the final pat on my butt that makes me blush. "Of course that's if you don't feel like playing with me". She says and winks, before disappearing in the room. No need to think about it. I follow her, eyes on the ground. I know I will end up embarrassing myself.

“Where are we going? I bought sweets. Shouldn't we eat them?”. I peek out from behind the door, and I see her standing there, in the middle of the bedroom, getting naked. Even if she tries desperately to seem happy, this woman exudes sadness.

"Anna...". She warns me without looking up and I shudder. "I am gonna give you sweet that will make you forget the others". I look at her confused, then my mind fills in the gap.

"Oh… Oh! Now?". She nods. Well… what can I say? I like those sweets too. 

* * *

"Is it still snowing?". I ask, stuffing my mouth with the sweets I bought, lying on my belly on the bed. Elsa is next to me, on her side and we are both stark naked. I see her raise her head and glance at the window.

"Yeah…". Is the quiet answer and then she lies her head on her arm. "Do you have to go?". She asks, nearly whispering, caressing my cheek and looking at me intensely. I say no with my head and she seems to exhale a satisfied sigh. "Are you cold? Do you want me to raise the heat? You're shaking". 

"Cold? Are you joking? This is awesome! I haven't been this fine in months. I'm shaking because I am literally defrosting right now". Is my enthusiastic answer and she looks at me curiously.

"Is your house that frozen?". She asks and I feel taken aback by it. It takes me some minutes to reconnect the brain. What should I say? Every answer would sound like a lie. I shrug and instead I push a piece of cake between her lips, to change the topic. She looks at me as if she doesn't know what to do. 

"Bite, Elsa". She blinks then obeys. "Isn't it good?". She shrugs chewing. "This might be the better rip off ever. They're awesome". She nods and stares at me, entranced.

"You are one hungry baby". She jokes, chuckling and I hit her arm with my hand. This makes her laugh harder. I see her smile and I suddenly feel the urge to… I swallow.

"How’s it ... kissing a woman?". Saliva goes sideways to Elsa who starts coughing. When she’s finished she raises her head to look at me terrified. Why did I ask? I had never met a woman with her tastes and she's really a beautiful woman. There must be a reason why she prefers women to men. She smiles, shrugging her shoulders.

"I don't know... how is kissing a man?". She asks, pretending that the question didn't embarrass her deeply, smiling with amusement and I purse my lips. Good question. I vaguely remember my first kiss. I remember it because it was in fifth grade. A little boy had decided that I had to be his guinea pig. That being the only experience worth remembering, I try to remember the feeling that pervaded me with...

"Wet and desperate." I answer and the woman in front of me bursts into laughter until she's out of breath. I don't find it just as amusing, even if her laugh is very sweet. I repeat it, as if I'm trying to convince myself that the words are right. She nods, slowly recovering from her euphoric state. In the end she clears her throat.

"You haven't met the right guy, Anna." She jokes. "When you get the right person it’ll be... different." She says and shrugs. I notice her gaze on me and lower my eyes in embarrassment.

"How was it the other night?" I ask and she looks around again, then approaches me.

"We didn't kiss the other night. You said it was too much for you, remember?" Elsa whispers and I roll my eyes. I can already imagine the drunken me from last night saying those words. "What... have you changed your mind?" She asks jokingly.

"Yes." I say firmly and she looks at me as if I just slapped her. "I want to try." Intercept and her head snaps up like a spring. She looks at me confused, until she understands the innuendo. "A kiss. I want it" I confirm.

"Oh, no, thanks. I'm fine like that. I don't know if I feel like it". She answers calmly, remaining in her corner. She even seems to have lost her appetite. "And you are... confused. I wouldn't want to take advantage of the situation". I look at her and make an amused, almost intrigued grimace, as if her answer contains more information than she intends.

"You’re scared". I say and she points to both of us with one hand, as if she's asking me if I’m assuming she’s scared of us and I nod. She swallows in embarrassment. "Come on, it's just a kiss. We are both adults and we had sex last night, didn’t we? And again this morning. There’s nothing to be embarrassed of". I whisper in a sensual way, making her going ablaze and she snorts to lighten the tension that is being created in the air. She swallows and shakes her hands in a vise, she doesn't seem to want to move, then I stand up. "Ok, let's do it!". She looks at me with sudden panic when I take her by the sleeve of her shirt and drag her closer.

"Anna, wait...". She tries. She is taller than me, but I have no difficulty taking her by the shoulders and slamming her against the bed. I sit on her stomach. She looks at me with big eyes full of fear, like a child. I smile. I have her in my hands!

"You're a coward". I say and she receives the blow with great class. Swallowing and staring at me. She doesn’t even has the strength to retort. "Come on... it's just a kiss. Nobody will die." She sighs, pulls her hair back, thinks about it.

"Ok...". She whispers, sways her arms to relax them, then takes a deep breath and holds my face in her hands. I immediately close my eyes and extend my lips, but when I see Elsa hesitates, I open an eye to see if she is still alive.

"I'm aging!!" I lament.

"Sorry, but I can't do it under command!". She complains.

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" I exclaim, I take her face and press my lips to hers. She swallows and looks at me like a deer dazzled by headlights, then lets out a low moan and closes her eyes. In the end we both melt into the kiss. I feel that she presses her tongue on my lips and I let her win, as I place my hands on her chest.

Her lips are soft and I feel her heart beating wildly under my hands. Her cold hands, on my face, are just starting to sweat. I feel them falling on my neck and I shiver. I feel her labored breathing, her hands coming down on my hips, my heart beating a festive march. And then, to break the idyll, there is the usual cellphone ringtone.

It takes her a while to catch her breath. We look at each other for a moment that seems long an eternity, then a voicemail brings us back to earth.

"Elsa! Where the fuck are you?". It's a man and he seems pretty enraged. "Call me back!". Elsa gulps, unable to utter a word.

"Someone is searching for you". I murmur, still breathing heavily. We remain motionless and silent. Elsa shakes, biting her lips. "Is he your boyfriend?". She says no with her head. Neither of us know what to say. What was supposed to be just a game promises to be a disaster.

When we open our mouth we do it in unison. She beckons me to speak first, but I insist that she does it first. I'm sure I'd embarrass myself otherwise.

"I am speaking for myself here...". She starts without looking into my eyes. "... but the last twenty-four hours with you have been perhaps the happiest of my life". I scoff.

“Is this how you’re gonna tell me you’re married, right?”. I ask, unmounting from her hips and she smiles and shake her head.

“This is how I am gonna tell you that I would gladly share with you my life if I could”. That’s unexpected and she seems really serious about it.

“You don’t know me…”. She shrugs. 

“I don’t need to”. She answers. “You had plenty of opportunities. If you wanted to hurt me, you would have already done that”. I can’t believe this.

“You are crazy…”.

“No, no”. She answers haughtily. “I’ve been checked”. She jokes and that makes me laugh. “So, what do you say?”. She asks, pushing a lock of hairs behind my ear. Is that a proposal? My lips seals. This is not a nice way to joke with me, but she can’t possibly know… can she?

“That’s not funny”. She looks really surprised when I get up and take a cover for the kitchen. She says nothing about it. She just lies there. Looking at the ceiling as if she’s been slapped. 

  
  
  



	3. Now comes the day...

Chapter 3

**Now comes the day...**

  
  


I hurt her. I know I did. I should have spoken clearly instead of running away but what is done is done and here we are. I watch the television in silence. My back pressed on the bedpost, my eyes glued on the screen. The volume has been muted 'cause after her unhappy joke and the way I left her she's become cataleptic. 

She does sleep a lot and has stopped nearly entirely of talking. That's how I mess things. I sigh and make sure she's covered up her shoulders. I don't want her to get sick. She mumbles something and goes back to sleep as if nothing happened. I caress her hair and keep on watching the reality on TV. I am bored. 

I think I fell in love. Stupid, uh? I have a crush on a woman... on a woman older than me, whom I don't know. How can I be so sure, you will ask. Well... certain things you know or you don't and I feel I love Elsa. Indeed, I'm one hundred percent certain. Love at first sight, I don't know how else to explain it. I like her when she laughs, I love the way her hair is ruffled when she sleeps, the way she talks, even if after my retreat on her suggestion she does it very sporadically. I noticed that she has the habit of covering her lips when something should not make her smile. She makes fantastic faces and when I have the pleasure of seeing her toothy smile, it's as if a choir of angels is singing directly into my ears. How did I find her? It's a mystery! I only know that I found her and since then I don't want to leave her. Everything seems so natural and perfect, that I even stopped wondering if maybe it's not all a dream. It would be depressing if it were. I never managed to have this kind of intimacy with another human being before, not even trying. I don't know, she gives me... security.

Besides, sex with her is spectacular. My first time with her was beautiful and the others were also noteworthy. She is simply a lover more attentive than many others, it seems, and this I do not mind at all. She was really sweet and kind and affectionate and caring and I think I won't sound pretentious if I say that I would hardly find someone to match her performance.

I love her.

But this realization has led to the inevitable awareness that, if it's not the same for her, sooner or later she will be gone, leaving me here alone. I know what she likes to say about staying, but can I really believe she would stay for me? A stranger? Suddenly, my love has turned into melancholy. I don't know how to explain it. It is an affective pain, yes, but also physical. A sort of yearning without a name or a face. I feel a weight on my chest that doesn't let me sleep. Every time I look at her my body is filled with pangs of pain at the thought that she will leave me and I feel nausea and tears burn in my throat and my heart palpitates. It's terrible. I would like to escape from this suffering, but I don't know how. I feel myself dying at the thought of her leaving. In fact, I know for sure that I will die when she will. Because she will, of course.

I swallow and I look at the TV with big eyes full of fear. The third night awake. God, I really need to sleep. I'm starting to overcome that fragile threshold between health and insanity that no one should ever cross. The bed is warm, but I feel my hands clenched in a vise, shake from the cold. I feel my teeth beat and I know it's not just because I'm naked. I have to find a solution. I feel the time running through my hands relentlessly and maybe that's why I can't sleep. I feel I can't waste it. 

Time passes in silence. I sigh, when I finally feel the sleepiness call me. I'm so exhausted and my mind is so clouded that in the end I'm forced to close my burning eyes, without a word.

I rub my face and all I see in my memory is her. Her smile... her face... I feel her warm hands on my skin... every single detail has been burned in my mind. It's a wide awake nightmare. I can't go on like this. I can’t. I can't pretend not to see her, because she's there and I wonder... if I were to talk to her, would she understand? No, of course not. We are strangers, after all. I'm the crazy one here, too fond of anything. I can't tell her. She would laugh in my face.

I turn in the direction in which I believe I will find her and she's there. She hasn't left. She sleeps deeply embracing her pillow, sighing from time to time with a slight pout on her face. As I look at her I feel the pain in my chest becoming more intense. I grimace in pain and remain silent. I would love to kiss her, but despite what has already happened between us, I still feel embarrassed. What if she doesn’t want it? 

I turn off the TV and I lie down next to her. I pull a strand of hair that has fallen on her face, behind her ear and lean my head on her pillow. She doesn't even notice me. She’s been adapting to me since we are together. She’s more relaxed around me now and she doesn’t jump up at my every movement like before, but I’m fairly sure I can’t push my luck. I make sure she's fast asleep and finally I dare to gently press my lips on hers. It’s the fastest peck I’ve ever given. Her lips are soft and sweet. I lick mine, savoring her taste on them. She doesn't move. She doesn't even notice. I smile. I was lucky. She's so cute when she sleeps it would be a pity to wake her up.

Then I make a terrible mistake. I try and turn and the bed makes an horrible and loud crack. That's it. Out on nowhere she jolts up, scaring me to death. We both jump. I look at her as if she's gone crazy, but when she sees me she sighs reassured and I hear her grunt weakly. You could kill her if you moved slowly enough, and she wouldn't notice, but just do as much as squeak and… bam! Wide awake! She's terrifying. 

"Anna... what did I tell you about waking me up in the middle of the night...". She jokes with her sleepy voice. She squints and smiles at me. I feel myself blush in surprise and I'm fast to lie on my back and still myself in place. "You’re not sleeping again, are you?" She asks and I can feel the hint of concern in her voice. I look at the ceiling, sigh and shake my head. "We should talk to a doctor. It's not normal for you to lose this much sleep at your age." She explains, stroking my cheek with her finger. "Tell me the truth… is it me, isn’t it? Did I do something wrong?"

"What?”. I ask scoffing as it it were impossible. “No... it’s... it’s not your fault. It’s not you”. I insist. “It the adrenaline… you know. I’m so happy I can’t contain myself”. I lie and she clearly doesn’t believe me. She looks at me unimpressed and to my dismay she pouts. “I swear…”. I murmur and she sighs, surrendering.

"You are a bad liar”. She intercepts unamused. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s ok. There’s no need to lie." She says, she rubs her face and groans and her words are like a punch in the stomach. Man… she’s smart. "Is there something I can do to make you feel better?" She asks and I look at her for a long time, then I sit up again and without a word, I push her onto her back and sit astride her. She’s a quick thinker. She immediately understands the innuendo and shakes her head laughing. "Everything but that”. She jokes smiling. I try to insist, but she keeps me at distance. “Anna, no... we can't do it again, I don't think I'll make it. I'm tired and all my body hurts." She whispers and pulls her hair back tiredly. "I'm human...". She complains, but I close her lips with a kiss. She grumbles, but in the end I feel that she relaxes. She takes my face in her hands and smiles between one kiss and another. "You will kill me... I am a couch potato... I've never had so much physical activity before." I look at her and memorize every movement, every word, the amused tone of the her voice.

"You seem pretty fit to me…". I whisper, kissing her cheek and letting my hand slip onto her hips, but she stops me before I can even think about completing my plan. I puff exasperated. We look hard into each other's eyes. She is so expressive. Her eyes are calling for a truce. That’s how tired she is. She bites her lips and sighs, smiling.

"Sex in not the answer to everything you know...". She whispers and starts playing with a lock of my hair. "You're not okay, Anna, are you? It’s so obvious". She whispers and presses my head against her chest. I don't answer but she knows what crosses in my mind. I am easy to read. She gives me a kiss on the forehead, then finds a comfortable position, pulls her arms behind her head and closes her eyes. I bite my lips. "Don't you really want to tell me what makes you so sad?". She asks and I shake my head. "Pity. I'm told to be a great listener. I could surprise you, you know? Maybe I know how to solve your problem". I shake my head again and she stops thinking. I feel the wheels spin in her head in a vain attempt to carry on the discussion. But she is half asleep and doesn’t have the strength to and I don’t want to talk. It’s a dead end. "Then sleep, snuppa. Tomorrow you'll be tired." 

“Snuppa… snuppa…”. I groan. “You’ve been calling me that a lot lately. What does that mean? Is it an insult?”. She laughs, loudly and I feel humiliated. “I don’t like that. Stop it”. But she doesn’t. She seems to find it really amusing. That’s the last thing she does. She stops moving and talking and the room becomes silent and dark. I place my ear on her chest and listen to the slow march of her heart. It's such a sensational feeling for me. It's something new, strange and exciting, but she doesn't seem to mind. She seems to be completely at ease. "What about you… why are you always sleeping?". I ask without thinking and I feel that she stiffens. Clear sign that she doesn’t like the question. "We both seem to have our secrets, uh?". I hear her grunt weakly, but she doesn't open her eyes. She contemplates the question for a long time and in silence, then she takes a long sigh to answer.

"I don't get to sleep much normally”. She answers and she seem sincere, but then again I’m not as good as her in detecting lies. “I really need to close my eyes for a bit. I want to enjoy this vacation as much as I can… it’s not gonna last long. It’s nothing to do with you, if that’s what you’re asking for". She murmurs gently.

"So... so sooner or later you’ll leave, right? Elsa? When you vacation ends..." I ask almost in a whisper, because I don't really want her to hear me ask this specific question. I don’t know if I want to hear the answer either. I'm afraid it will scare her and she will disappear without telling me anything.

"Isn’t it inevitable?". She answers seriously and her tone is cold and impersonal. Not exactly what she has accustomed me to. "Well, yes... sooner or later I'll have to go." It takes me a long time to process the information. "I'm sorry Anna, but I have responsibilities, I can't play this game with you forever. I need stability." I don't want to discuss this. I feel that my body refuses to talk. Why did I even ask? "You don’t know how much I would love to stay here with you". She mumbles and I suddenly feel stupid for asking. She's right.

"Would it change something if I told you... yes, well... that I have a crush on you? Would you stay then?". I whisper, slowly, almost imperceptibly, as embarrassed as a person can be talking about this stuff. I hear her swallow and become a piece of ice. She didn't appreciate. At all.

"Anna...".

"I'm sorry. I didn’t want to say that. You must think I’m crazy" I break and I try to stand up, but she hugs my shoulders and keeps me still, forbidding me from fleeing again from her. I feel her heart speed up just below my ear and I feel her move beneath me to find a new position that allows her to be comfortable. 

“It’s pretty obvious at this point that we like each other, Anna”. She explains, keeping me under control. “And it’s absurd for me as much as it’s for you. I’ve never been the one for falling in love fast. Don’t think I don’t realize that, but for how much I want it...". She murmurs wearily. "... I can't stay. You understand, don't you?". She says and we both remain silent for a long time.

"Then I should go before we both get hurt. I don't want to be an hindrance". She sighs heavily this time. Her hand touches my hair and stops on my cheek.

"You are not an hindrance. You are exactly where you’re meant to be…” She starts quietly. “I… I am the hindrance here”. I look at her incredulous. 

“What do you mean?”. I ask.

“I shouldn’t be here… I am messing things up”. She cryptically explains. “If someone’s to blame for what is happening here, that one is me. I don’t want you to go. Just stay. I need you now”. I try to accept the fact, while she notes that I am not very happy with her answer. I tighten my lips and hug her. She pulls herself up to allow me to wrap her up without hurting myself. She pulls the blanket over my shoulders and her warmth and scent lull me while she goes back to sleep and I remain painfully awake. I only feel her heart under my ear. Tum-tum, tum-tum, tum ...

* * *

I wake with a start with my heart in my throat. I fell asleep! Damn! I rise my head and the dim light of the room allows me to see her standing naked, near the bed. I look at the clock and I find out it's seven sharp in the morning. I think she just got up and she woke me up. She smiles and beckons me to go back to sleep.

"It's okay, I'm just going to take a bath. Don’t be scared. I won’t run away like a thief". She jokes, sensing my anxiety and she bursts out laughing. I blush heavily and cover my face with the pillow.

“I’m not scared”. I grumble and she shakes her head still laughing her ass off. 

“It’s written all over your face. Relax, snuppa”. She jokes and I see her disappear in the bathroom. I know she'll make fun of me when she comes back. I sigh and make myself comfortable, listening to her light steps moving around the house. I feel the water in the shower opening and I breathe a sigh of relief. Then her annoying ringtone starts ringing somewhere in the house.

That’s strange.

Something’s is up. Her phone hasn’t made a sound for days and now, suddenly it comes back to life as if it were nothing. I rise my head from the pillow and listen carefully. I hear Elsa talking to it. That’s even more strange. She never answers. I stay still as a statue, trying to hear something useful, but she talks so damn quietly. My body feels it. The hour of farewells is approaching. And now I notice it.

The sun. The fucking sun outside the window. The blizzard is over. My heart starts pounding in my chest. Fuck! I cover my head with the pillow, groaning. She’s gonna leave! She’s gonna leave today! Everything is explained now. Why she got up so early, the shower… the phone calls! Man!

I start panicking. She'll be gone! I knew it! I pull my hair back with my hands and swallow. I sit on the mattress naked like a worm and barefoot, hyperventilating. I try to contain the panic attack but there is no use. My eyes start filling with tears, they burn as hell, and my lungs and my throat literally close. I start gulping for air. It’s been days since the last one and I can’t say I missed those. I feel like puking but I now it’s just the anxiety talking. I need something to breathe in, before my body shuts down and everything will be alright. I can’t even worry about making myself decent, when Elsa comes back inside the room.

"See if it's not the sexiest naked ghost I've ever seen." She jokes with her amused voice, but when she sees me all agitated and out of breath, she pales like a ghost. Even in my condition I can see she loses ten years of her life. She’s now totally dressed and that makes me even more nervous. I bend over myself, gripping at the sheets and stop moving, trying to recompose myself. “Anna?”. She asks, running to me. I can’t answer. I keep gasping while she tries desperately to help me. She talks to me, brushes a hand on my back. I feel like an idiot. I blush in shame and try to turn away from her, but she grabs my wrist and pulls me back. “What’s happening? Ehi…”. She holds my face, trying to understand. She must not be very familiar with this kind of problem. I can’t look at her in the eyes. She’s so worried. 

Slowly I regain composure. My breath stills, but I feel totally exhausted. I soften in her hands like putty and exhale a trembling sigh. But she’s not over it. She’s tense. Terrified. She looks at me as if I am gonna die in instants. I chuckle. It’s stronger than me even if I see her confusion.

“You can let me go…”. I whisper quietly. “I am ok”. She doesn’t seem convinced and I see her reluctance. I crouch on the bed and still on the mattress under her burning stare. She sits next to me, caressing my hair and looking at me as if she’s scared the accident it’s gonna repeat itself. 

“What happened?”. She asks and I shrug. She watches me cautiously, with her inquiring eyes and I don't feel safe naked as I am. I blush and look down. I feel too aware of myself and as she becomes more confident, she becomes increasingly bold. "You were afraid I was gone, right?" She asks, accusingly as if she’s reading my mind and I cannot answer. She knows best. "You have a really developed abandonment complex. You know that? I would never leave without telling you anything." She explains, gently. My lips are stuck with embarrassment. She points at me and I'm afraid she'll say something else about my sick psyche. "I prefer you naked, you know?". She pinches at me on the side and makes me squeal. I try in every way to prevent her from looking at me. I know she’s teasing me now. I think it’s her way to suppress the fear. 

"I preferred you when you were shy". I try to say and I try to stand up, but she holds me back and watches me with measured calm. "Can I cover myself? I'm cold". I try awkwardly and in response she pulls me closer to her so that escaping becomes really difficult.

"Do you want me to warm you up?" She asks laughing, deliberately choosing to ignore my last comment, watching me with a look that boils my blood. Oops... maybe I shouldn't have said it. I bite my lips and try not to look into her eyes. Finally she smiles and ruffles my hair, making me understand that she was just joking. "Will you kiss me Anna?”. She asks and I start to feel confused. I don't know what game she’s playing at and I don't know if I'll be able to compete. In the end I give in and cover the short distance that separates us to kiss her lips. She looks satisfied and stands up. Now I see her hands… they’re still shaking. I played a number on her. Didn’t I? "What do you want for breakfast?". I think the speech for her is over and for me it's okay that way. "Will you come to the kitchen when you feel better?"

"I’ll be right there" I breathe, but I’m lying. After she goes back into the kitchen I curl into a ball and stay that way for at least half an hour before being able to get back up. I stagger into the kitchen and I see her tinkering with cups and saucers. At the end she puts a glass of coffee in front of me and some toast. She always burns them on one side. It looks like her trademark. I smile and thank her. I look at her cautiously as she takes a glass and fill it with water, then takes a plastic container full of pills from her pocket and puts some in a plate, before offering them both to me. Only then she notices my look. What are they? I think she notices my worried look because she gives me a faint smile.

"Take them… you’ll feel better” She says gently and comes to sit next to me again. “Don’t worry. It’s an anxiolytic. It’s for the panic attack”. She explains and this surprises me. 

"So you… have those too?”. She doesn’t answer as she’s more concerned for me to take the pills. I obey, but then it’s my turn to to the questions. “Is that why you're not at work?" I ask and she shakes her head. She gives me a pleased look and holds out her hand. I take it without hesitation and she kisses me while she watches me eat.

"I'm not at work because I really needed a break, Anna. I ran away like a first lady after the premiere had gone horribly wrong. I think they are still looking for me". She jokes and rests her head on the table. Only now I notice the dark circles under her eyes and the exhausted and aching look on her face. This time it is I who hold back a laugh. Maybe i should have let her sleep. I gulp a big piece of toast down and drink a sip of coffee. "Hungry?" She asks and I nod vigorously. 

"What do you do? For a job, I mean...". I intercept, before giving her the chance to notice the redness on my cheeks. She rubs the back of her neck and sighs.

"I would prefer not to tell you. You would be disappointed". She explains sadly.

“Is it really that bad?" I ask and she nods without hesitation. "Well, why don’t you give up then? Send them to hell and run away with me. They will never find you". This is my desperation talking, but I can’t control it right now, so I have to roll with it and Hope Elsa will be patient with me. She smiles weakly, keeping her eyes down. "I'm serious. Let's run away. Me and you".

"You shouldn't ‘run away’ with someone you barely know, Anna." She warns gently. "And then you wouldn't want to run away with me of all people. I'm terrible." She says. She’s being shy again and that makes me smile. I haven’t been able to grasp her personality yet. It’s like there’s a lot of different people inside her head working totally different paths. She’s no common person… or maybe I am just too stupid to understand her. Who knows...

"No, you are not. You're adorable". I compliment, I get up and kiss her forehead while she holds me around the waist, hiding her forehead against my stomach. "I would take care of you. I don't look like it but I'm fully capable of it, you know? I had a dog once… well he’s dead. But that was entirely not my fault!". She laughs.

"See?”. She smiles at me, staring with her big sparkling blue eyes. She’s trying not to smile right now, so she’s biting her lip and that makes her look funny. “This is exactly why you shouldn’t trust strangers, snuppa". She murmurs and I laugh back. "You are the purest soul I have ever met, Anna. I doubt that I will ever find someone else like you. I fear the moment I’ll have to let you go”.

"Then stay".

"I can’t".

"Yes you can. I'll show you: call your boss and tell him to go to hell. Simple". She looks up and laughs her heart off, before shaking her head.

"I would do it Anna, I would do it for you". But her smile never reaches her eyes, so I understand she will never do it.

"Well, if you don't want to run away with me, then I'm leaving." I snort, pretending to be offended.

"I want to see how you’ll get out of the house without clothes." She jokes and pulls a pair of panties out of her jeans’ pocket and turns them around her index. With horror I realize that yes. They are mine! Embarrassed, I try to recover them from her hands. She prevents me from doing so. She laughs and holds me at bay with one hand. "If you want them you will have to bring that ass back to my bed. No excuses”. I walk away indignantly and look at her. After a moment of panic, I think about it and my body bursts into an involuntary pang of laughter. This is the most childish woman I’ve ever met. "What do you say?". She asks and I nod, without thinking. She pulls me to her and gives me a long kiss. I spare and close my arms around her neck, forgetting that I am naked. She pulls my hair back from my forehead as she kisses me and I sigh. I try to understand what I feel right now and what comes to mind is definitely affection. Then suddenly I feel her hands on my butt and I jump. "Good girl, Anna. And don't forget that you belong to me now". She mumbles, kissing my throat and I blush.

"Elsa!".

"You are mine and you’ll see that I’m a very jealous owner." She mumbles and when she looks up I notice something dangerous shining in her eyes. Something I hadn't seen before. "Be a good baby now and go."

"I'm not a child." I try, but she shushes me. She doesn't want to hear reasons. She rubs her nose on mine and shakes her head.

“On my bed, now. I’ll put away the dishes.” She says calmly and I snort, indulging her.

"When you try to be authoritative, you are unbearable". I lament, indignantly. “You’re not cut for it. I swear. I prefer it when you act like yourself”. 

"I'll keep that in mind." She answers with a half-amused smile, biting her lips.

* * *

  
  


"Ah... Elsa." I moan weakly, pulling my hair back with sweaty hands. I think I'm addicted to this wonderful feeling and especially to her. To her warmth, her voice, her magnificent blue eyes. I wait, she pulls her head from the covers and laughs. "Why did you stop?" I immediately shoot. "I was almost there."

"I think I created a monster." She jokes and kisses my stomach. "Do you like sex that much, hm? Don't you need a break?" She asks and I know she's teasing me again, because I see that pleased grin of her peep here and there while she’s talking.

"After... you finish first." I say exasperated, holding her hair and gently pushing her back between my legs. I hear her laugh, but pick up where she left off. I sigh satisfied and I enjoy her excellent technique to the point of no return. It takes me half an hour to recover and in the end I feel that she lies down beside me and caresses my cheek. "Your turn ... ". I say, but when I just try to move, she presses her hand onto my face and pushes me away.

"Hell no. I've had enough". She laughs and gets comfortable. "I don't have your stamina. Every so often I have to sleep." She says and I doubt she is joking. "Give me the goodnight kiss." She mumbles and looks at me waiting. "Anna ...". She orders in a menacing tone. I'm forced to do as she tells me to. I snort reluctantly and I give her a kiss. She ruffles my hair, gets comfortable and draws a long sigh of relief. I hold a laugh. I think I made her tired enough.

I feel that she's smiling, before touching my nose with the tip of her finger and kissing my back.

"What are you thinking about?". She asks me and I really don't know what to answer. I breathe and feel her placing a lock of my hair behind my ear. I shudder.

"I think I'm hungry." I murmur and she laughs muttering an 'of course'.

"You are always hungry Anna". She jokes and I blush as she gets comfortable. I turn around and lie down to look at her, moving my arm under my head.

"I'm growing up". I say and she laughs again, reaching out to rub her nose against mine. "You don't mind if I eat, right?"

"Will you set the kitchen on fire?". She asks and I look at her unimpressed. She snorts. "Then do. Eat whatever you want, but don't let me get up”. She complains and this time I am smiling. I reach out to kiss her on the lips, but as usual, she pushes me away with one hand. I begin to believe that she has some strange phobia of kisses. After a while she starts refusing them, as if there's a limit on how many she can receive.

"My lazy girl". I say and she beams, while I stand up naked. I retrieve a random shirt from the floor and put it on to survive the cold.

When I come back to see how she is, I find her curled up in a corner. She is exhausted. She has uncombed hair and deep circles under her eyes. My fault... I didn't let her sleep enough. 

"Hey... I got some eggs left, do you want them?" I say to lure her out of the bed, but she shakes her head. "Aren't you hungry?" I ask and she beckons me that she wants coffee, barely whispering. I hasten to take a cup for her and fill it.

"Thanks". She murmurs, drinking a good sip. "How can you always eat and stay so small?" She jokes when coffee comes into circulation. I shrug my shoulders. She looks at me as if she knows best and nods sympathetically. "Well... then I'll leave you to your breakfast...". She says and turns to go back to sleep again, but I stop her.

"Don't you want to stay awake and talk?" She looks at me in curiosity and rubs her eyes, making me understand that she is tired and wants to sleep. "For example. You never said what's your job. Are you a businesswoman? You look like one of those...".

"Anna, I told you I don't want to talk about it." She mumbles in embarrassment. I nod and analyze what she just told me. "I'll tell you in due course." She explains again. Then she looks at her watch. "It's late." She says with uncertainty. "Merida hasn't called me yet." I immediately feel a pang of jealousy.

"Why should a woman call you?" I intercept, sitting in the bed next to her and she nods, totally unaware of my state of mind.

"She is one of my secretaries". Oh. I stop and look at her with a lighter heart. No, wait. This isn't good at all. Secretaries are evil. I stare at her and she rises her puzzled eyebrows. "She's taking care of my flight… I don't know yet when it will be ready."

"Happy she's been useful." I joke and she gives me a broad satisfied smile. "Tell me about this secretary of yours. What is she like?". She scratches the back of her neck and makes a puzzled expression.

"She's a secretary Anna". I'm surprised and I think she sees it because she hastens to add. "Not that I don't appreciate her work... far it from being like this, I… well… now I think about it she does look like you, in a way." She says and I look at her with rised eyebrows. This is new. "You got the same… hair."

"Great, I'm a replacement..." I whisper, then I realize what I said. "Am I?" She giggles amusedly and shakes her head.

"No, you're not." She says calmly, smiling. 

"Have you been with her? You know…". I roll my wrist and she chuckles. "Don't laugh! It's important". She shakes her head. 

"We're not talking about my sexual life". She cuts. "I didn't ask about yours?". 

"Answer". I order. 

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't… you'll never know." She jokes and I grimace like a woman who was just been slapped. Now I understand everything. She's one of those people who like red hair. Pinned. I'm so focused on my thoughts that I don't see the broad, satisfied smile that she throws at me. "You're jealous..." She whispers and I gasp.

"No." I blush violently and she notices it.

"You're jealous." She hums and stretches to kiss me, but this time I'm the one pushing her away.

"Stop it."

To break the idyll returns the usual ringtone. A nightmare, but Elsa doesn't even seem to hear it. I'm not saying anything because I'm afraid she might be offended. I stare at her sipping her coffee, from her mug in silence until the phone stops ringing. Elsa reaches out with her free hand and holds mine.

"Reply to your fiancée." I snort, freeing my hand and she throws a puzzled look at me as if she wants to ask me 'how come you care so much about my secretary?'. "What? I'm not jealous. I'm curious. Can't I be curious? I want to know you." She sighs and rubs her face.

"She's not my fiancée, Anna..." She begins as if the argument causes her physical pain. "Look, you don't have to worry, okay... We're friends, I'd tell you."

"Friends, of course... Am I also just this for you?" I murmur and maybe I talk too much because she looks at me with her eyes wide, stretches out to kiss my forehead, then definitely turns, avoiding the question. "Elsa?" I ask, but she won't answer me. "Elsa?" I insist. "You can't get out of an argument like that." I throw myself on her while she shrugs. I reach out to caress her hair and she finally decides tolook at me. She takes my hand and kisses it, resting it on her cheek. "Elsa...".

"You are valuable to me, Anna." She says weakly. "I just can't..." She murmurs with kindness and I feel mortified. "I have responsibilities... I...".

"I'm asking nothing of you, Elsa." I whisper and feel her breathing a sigh of relief. "I get it, you know? If you don't love me... we don't know each other, after all, and I've always had a tendency to get overly attached to people." I feel her staring at me in silence and stroking my cheek, biting her lips. "Sorry." I say and she rolls her eyes, as if she can't take any more of this interrogation, but in the end she barely nods. I turn my back on her and shrug my shoulders. This discussion has the bitter taste of rejection. It's the first time since I've known her that I feel that way.

And then all of a sudden the cell phone rings again.

Elsa lifts her head off the blankets and looks at the dresser. She curls up on herself and squeezes her head. This is the only smear in her person that I can't decipher. She seems to hate those more and more insistent calls, and I'd like to understand why. I ask her and she bites her lip. I didn't think she'd answer easily, but she sighs and throws an apologetic glance at me.

"My vacation is over." She confesses, mortified. What is she talking about? "I'll go home tonight." She whispers, covers her face and stays still until the phone has stopped ringing. I try to ask her for an explanation, but she doesn't want to talk. I don't think she likes the subject, but I insist. She didn't tell me she was going to leave today. "This afternoon I have an appointment with some important people. That's why they keep calling. I've been avoiding it for too long and now the blizzard is over..." She confesses, but she still hasn't answered the most important question. Why do they call her? I can't force a word out of her.

"You don't want to go?" I ask, trying to get around the speech. She looks at me as if the answer is obvious. "Why?" She shakes her head. "I get it. It's a taboo subject." It seems to be very clear at this point. "I'm not an expert, but wouldn't it be easier if you answered?". I ask and she looks at me with confusion. "They'd stop calling and maybe... you could stay...." I say and she shrugs. "Only a few days." She looks at me for a long time with her beautiful blue eyes, as if I grew another head and eventually she pulls herself to sit down.

"It's complicated." She just says, clutching her face. "I can't explain." She whispers. I don't see anything difficult, but again, I'm not an expert on many things. At this point Elsa pulls herself up and this is new. I decide to imitate her and follow her.

"Elsa?" I ask, staying at a distance to make room for her. She lets out a trembling sigh and finally opens her eyes. "I don't want you to leave. I already know we're going to end up not seeing each other again if you leave." I say, as if this could convince her. The idea terrorize me. I dare not imagine going on as I used to. I can't. She looks at me in silence, as if she’s considering the hypothesis. The ringing of the phone suddenly makes her jump.

"Don't be so dramatic, please." She whispers, almost begging me, and eventually swallows. "I have responsibilities, Anna. I can't stay." She says again and again like a mantra, but she makes no mention of wanting to move. "I have to answer, Sorry." She says, retrieves her cellphone from the drawer and eventually disappears into the kitchen to finally get the call. I hear her speak in a muffled voice through the wall and I lean against the drawer. What did I expect? I had to imagine it would end like this. It seemed too good to be true. I sigh and squeeze my waist with one arm.

I'd like to go home. I haven't had a thought like that in days, but now that I'm alone with myself, well... I can't help but think that if that night had gone differently, now my life would be different too. Maybe I'd never met Elsa and maybe now I wouldn't feel heartbroken. But I have to ask myself... do I really like Elsa, or maybe I just like the security that she gives me? I admit it was the first one at first, but now…

I hear Elsa stop talking. I bite my lips and wait. It takes a long time for her to come back. She runs around the room under my eyes and in the end, when she does, she's dressed in a blue business suit that stuns conspicuously with her delicate personality and she has an apologetic grimace. I guess what she wants to tell me. That it's time for me to leave. I let slip a half-smile on my face and I stand from where I was sitting. I don't need to say anything. I start retrieving my clothes and getting dressed.

"I'm sorry." I hear her whisper. I look up and see her leaning there melancholycally. "I didn't want to tell it to you like that. I hoped we could sort it out. Really" What? What were you going to tell me? That you would leave me here? Well... I should have imagined it. I was naive and confident. It's not your fault. "Will you give me your number? I promise to call back when I arrive." She asks me and the awkward Elsa from the first night I vaguely remember is back. She shakes her hands, and looks at the floor.

"I don't have a phone." She seems surprised and hurt by this answer and I see her trying to find an alternative solution, but I don't give her the time. "Elsa, let’s not hurt ourselves, okay? Let's close this here. It's fine. It was fun." I say and I finish dressing, jumping in my jeans and tie my shoes. She looks at me open-mouthed as if she doesn't believe her ears. I retrieve my coat, put it under my arm and reach for the door. We stare at each other for a long moment, then she bends over and kisses my forehead. I smile and hug her as if this is the farewell of some old movie.

"I want you to have this…". She says, suddenly freeing her wrist from her watch and handing it to me. "Something to remember me by…". I shake my head. 

"I don't need that". Is my answer and she seems damn hurt. "See you." I say, I finally let her go and I go to the entrance. I take one last look at her before I close the door behind me.

Let’s go back to the station then. I put on my coat, since I am cold and I go down the stairs of the building. I almost hope she follows me, but it doesn't happen and I realize that maybe it's better this way. It would only be more painful for me to desire something I can't have. I just have to resign myself to the idea. You have good memories now, Anna. I walk through the crowd. One last look at the building and away, towards home.

I walk through the city on foot, like last time, but this time I do not hit any downpour, fortunately. Back to the usual routine. I need money and a place to sleep. I miss my fourteen bucks. I could have bought a sandwich with that money. I don't regret it. They would have been lost anyway. I'm going to get to my old neighborhood, but I'm not stopping. I don't want anyone to see me here and I have to get to the station before it starts to get cold.

But I'm really hungry now. Too much physical movement. I didn't think I'd be on the street today, otherwise I would have thought about it. I walk past the old pawn shop called Oaken, I look at the wooden sign swinging back and forth, pushed by the cold and finally I decide to enter. The place seems empty, but I’ve known it for long. In fact the man arrives hopping from the back, as soon as he hears the door close.

"Oooh-ooh!" He jokes, waving at me with his hand, like he does every time he sees me. He has a strong accent, but I never asked him where he came from. I don't think he'd tell me anyway. "Wat can I to for you?" He asks me and I approach the counter. I feel really small in comparison to him. I search my jacket and think about what I could give him in exchange for a few pennies, but I've got empty pockets. Like my stomach. I should have accepted Elsa's watch. But then again… I would have never been able to sell it. Wouldn't I?

He looks at me waiting, with a kind look. I sigh. I can't sell him my clothes. Wait… I'm a genius. I take off my jacket and rest it on the counter. He makes a puzzled face. He takes it, he turns it around for a long time in his hands. It's a nice jacket. A little run down and with a few too many holes, but... He shakes his head and puts it back on the counter. He doesn't like it. Well, understandable. "I can’t sell tis." He says calmly.

"Come on... it's winter. I'm sure you're going to sell it in no time. Look how cold it is outside." I rumble and as I say it, a chill of cold runs through my spine. He casts an exasperated look at me and with an unconvinced mug, he seems to change his mind. He picks up the jacket in his hands and turns it wearily, he grimaces and finally sighs.

"Ten tollars". He says bluntly. It's not enough... come on, it should be worth at least twice as much. He understands that I want to bargain and admonishes me with his eyes. "Take or leave." I understand that he isn't in the mood for negotiations, today and at the end I nod. The case opens with a metallic sound and he hands me fifteen dollars. Well, it could have been worse. I take them and go out of the store.

Now I'm starting to realize how cold it is. I hold my arms around my waist and jump to warm up as I make my way to the station. It's so cold. How much I would like to be in a tropical country, with the sand, the sea... and as I think, I look at the ten dollars. How much does a train ticket cost? No... it's an unhealthy idea. But the more I think about it, the more convincing it seems. Ten bucks... Why not? Staying in this city or going to another won't change things right? Trying doesn't hurt.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Meanwhile Elsa, in her apartment is packing, quickly, tucking everything she finds on her way into a large suitcase. Her blonde hair held steady by a tight chignon. The week she snatched from her schedule is over, too soon and too tragically, but now there's no time to think about it. Disappeared her guest there's no reason to stay in this rented room. Life must return to its normal course. She know it was going to end like this. So better do it sooner than then.

Collecting her stuff and doing an inventory, Elsa exits the apartment and, taking an elevator, reaches the third floor. She knocks on one of the condos and leaves the keys, as she was told to do by the landlord. Without showing any emotion. One of her assistants will pay the bill if it hasn't already been done. 

Leaving the building and reaching the car, she load the suitcase into the trunk before getting behind the wheel. But she doesn't want to leave… She gets her phone out, opens her gallery and looks at a picture she stole while Anna was sleeping. And it is here, in the darkness of her car, in this underground parking lot that Elsa pulls up with her nose a single time wiping away tears for the loss.

Strange and fragile thing is Elsa's mind. How can so many faces be the expression of one thing? Elsa sets in motion without thinking twice, with her mobile phone resting on the dashboard and her melancholy look. The moment is over. The traffic is heavy and Elsa knows that if she doesn't leave now she's never going to make it on time. You can only escape certain things for a while, then you have to deal with it. Elsa knows. And that's why this time when the cell phone rings she rushes to answer.


	4. Trust me

Chapter 4

**Trust me**

"Elsa, you're late." Quickly warns me with a worried look on his face, Olaf, running towards me at the entrance to the consulate. I breathe a slow, trembling sigh and adjust my crumpled jacket, from the trip, with my hands. He looks at me and as he follows me down the aisles, he helps me make myself presentable. He hands me a briefcase that I take without thinking. He adjusts the collar of the shirt that comes out of my jacket and tucks into my skirt the extra fabric that I forgot to put inside. At the end, he's in front of me. He combs with his hands the disheveled tuft that during the journey I continued to torment and then looks at me in the eyes. "You're a disaster. I was waiting for you an hour ago. Have you been crying?". He asks kindly and, to cover my dark circled and reddened eyes, he forks on my nose a couple of big ray-bans that he kept hanging from the pocket of his black suit. He's perfectly tidy. Black hair pulled back with gel. Not even the shade of a beard. His dress is so well ironed and straight that I think they sewed it on him. "They're enraged! They have been asking where you’ve been… Where have you been?". He asks and I gasped like a fish out of water. 

"There was a blizzard…". I whisper uncertain and he clearly doesn't believe me. 

"Right… well, let's not use this stupid phrase to justify a week long absence. Will we? They've been looking for you an entire week. You dropped your engagement party without saying a word to anyone… they will clearly not buy 'there was a blizzard' as an excuse. So if they ask you, you were…”.

"On a business trip. I know Olaf. I know the procedure." I whisper, sighing and he nods, smiling. He straightens and guides me to our destination calmly. Giving the impression of power is an art. Olaf's work would be much more appreciated if I could stop the hand that continues shaking on the handle of the briefcase. He looks at me one last time before he knocks on the big door of the conference room. The show is now starting.

He pushes the wood forward without thinking twice about it and goes in first, introduces me and then steps aside, allowing me to immediately enter into his trail. The door closes behind him. I find myself in a large room, with a rectangular table, a mahogany one, in the center of it. Twelve people sit around it. Five, on the left are my lawyers, a sixth is my consular representative, four on the right are the dudes whom I recognize to be my fiancé's spokesmen, then there's the wedding planner and finally, at the head of the table, an old man I know all too well. Everyone looks at me and stands up, taking a flashy bow. I beckon them to be comfortable, with one hand, as I give Olaf the bogus briefcase again so that he can put it away. I sit in the spare seat at the other head of the table that allows me to look everyone else in the face. The men all turn to me and, exchanged the usual pleasantries, they sit back down, but one of my fiance's representatives who begins explaining the situation.

"This is unacceptable!". He screams theatrically throwing a gossip journal on the table in rage. I don't want to look at it, but he pushes it under my nose. Then I see it. The first page is an enormous picture of me, holding Anna's hand while we exit the pub. Fuck! I try to maintain my facade but it's not really simple in front of all this men directly looking at me. "This is outrageous! It's scandalous!". He keeps on tapping on it forcefully with his finger. "Mr. Westergaard accepted this marriage accord, because he thought you were a respectable person, madam! But you not only left his party with no explanation but mr. Westergaard's public behavior, who apparently you found unpleasant…". As if getting drunk at the party and act like an idiot with women in front of everyone, making a fool of himself and publicly humiliating me, could be called unpleasant behaviour. "But you went and mortified him, by apparently having an affair with a woman!". At this I snap and start laughing, surprising everyone in the room. "This is not funny!". He yells. "I require an explanation to it! Immediately! Because what is clear here is that you are a lesbian, madam! And we can't endanger mr. Westergaard in a marriage with a promiscuous woman!". Continues the man. I nod without any emotion.

"Why is everyone so desperate to figure out my sexuality?". I genuinely ask and the men around the table look at me in confusion. Of course they can't understand. That would require Anna to be clear. I chuckle. 

"Mr. Westergaard wants your apologies... publically. Or the engagement is broken". He explains and I laugh weakly and shake my head.

"You may tell Mr. Westergaard that he no longer has to worry. The engagement is broken, because I am breaking it." A chilling silence falls in the hall and no one dares to open their mouths. "If he were to ask why, you could frankly tell him that I don't consider him a worthy consort. A man who makes a fool of himself in that way in front of everyone is not exactly a worthy achievement and, since I'm not romantically interested in him, as you gently pointed out, and also seeing that as a trophy husband he is not that great of a deal, you can understand my situation. It's not convenient for me to take responsibility for him."

"Let me disagree, madam. Mr. Westergaard has a lot to offer." Another of the representatives intervenes and one of my lawyers immediately gets up to open his mouth. I hold him back with one hand and he immediately gets down, back on his seat placidly.

"You name one, Mr. Smith. If you mean for the name he'd guarantee me in this country, believe me, certainly after marriage I wouldn't be the one to lose my last name or titles. If you mean for the companies, owned by his father, by the way... thirteenth in line of succession is not exactly a guarantee. So on balance, I'd give him financial security and even social stability. What would I gain? Apart from a drunken and awkward husband?" Silence falls again and at the end the four men, representatives of my ex-boyfriend stand indignant and angry.

"You'll hear from us". Says one and at that the exit the room, in an Indian row, slamming the door shut. I breathe a faint sigh of relief.

"Don't worry, your Majesty." One of my lawyers, named Hansen begins. "The prenuptial agreement has not yet been drawn up. They can't hold on anything." He says, as if I don't already know how the bureaucracy works here. "I am truly sorry that such a promising young man has turned out to be so disreputable. It won't happen again with the next one. Berg, here..." The man points to the other lawyer sitting on his left. "...won't make the same mistake twice. We will get you a king in no time". The appointed man nods as if he knows better.

"There won't be a second time." I say and the lawyers all whiten in unison. I say this bluntly. I didn't run a week to get back to my starting point.

"But my lady..." Begins Johannessen in a calm and measured voice, he is the oldest of all and also the most experienced. "Your people expect you to be married by you thirties. No excuses. It's the law. An unmarried monarch has never been seen in Arendelle. Your father was married. Your grandfather was married. All married in line of succession, no excuses. It would be a scandal if the only queen after a hundred years was not married. You'd have the people outside your door with pitchforks, if you know what I mean." No, I don't. I don't think ordinary citizens would be so disdained for an unmarried queen, but the nobility... oh, that's another business altogether.

"Great, thank you. That's exactly what I needed to hear." I mumble and squeeze my meninges. My head is bursting already and I've been here for half an hour. Just as I hear Berg, starting to talk about other suitors and various engagements, I stop him raising a hand. "I will choose who I will marry." Everyone shuts up. "I'm allowed, right?" I ask and I see them muttering to each other.

"Yes, it is allowed." Johannessen replies.

"Anyone I want?" I wonder.

"Anyone you want, your Majesty; the law is not strict on it, as long as you're married before thirties and you produce an heir within a year." I smile maliciously, I'm getting an evil idea. I really want to see their faces when they find out what I'm up to.

"Well, thank you, then." I say with a smile. "See you all again in Arendelle to discuss further on it." I say, and they seem reassured, too. They stand up, smile at me, bow and leave. Even the wedding planner makes to leave, but I stop him with one hand. "You! Give me your number. I might need your help." The surprised man, pulls out a business card from the pocket of his jacket, which I promptly hold in one hand. Olaf, who was standing behind me the whole time, looks at me with suspicion, probably because he expected me to pass that note to him. He knows me well enough and knows that I am plotting something. The only ones left now, at the opposite ends of the table, are me and the elderly gentleman at the head of the table. I smile at him and he reciprocates.

"Kai..." I say fondly and he bows his satisfied head. "What a pleasure to see you again... have you had a good trip?". I ask and he swings his head. He is old and his English is not of the best these days.

"It could have been better. I'm not used to traveling anymore, my fair Queen. Not on so little notice at least." Confesses the man, clapping with his fingers on the mahogany table. "Can I get closer? I can’t hear you well from here". He asks, and I nod him yes. I see him standing up and scampering slowly towards us, until finally with a satisfied sigh he sits in the chair next to mine. He takes my hand, kisses it and rests a big suitcase on the table. Olaf does not know this man, even though Kai has been a family friend for generations and, as with all men Olaf does not know, he looks cautiously towards him.

"Mr. Kai…” Intercepts Olaf, pointing to the man unknown to him. "...he says that he has an interview with her Majesties, concerning private matters at her expressed order." Olaf's formal tone in public, always makes me laugh. I nod to him with my head, making him understand that with this specific person, that tone, is not necessary. Private matters... I already know what he wants to talk about. I called Kai. A couple of days ago, actually, while I had five deserved minutes alone. Anna was sleeping and I wanted to surprise her, but the damn blizzard was up. I forced him to take the first flight he could and come to this damned country.

"Thank you Olaf... you can go." Olaf looks at me with wide eyes, as if I just tried to shoot him in the face. He doesn't move an inch, but I point to the door for him. We have a little fight with our eyes, where he makes me realize that he wants to stay, while I want him to go. "It won't take long. Mr. Kai is a friend. You can stay out the door if you don't trust him. I'll call you if I need to." I say and Olaf looks at the old man. What harm could a man like that do to me? Eventually Olaf snorts, bows and exits, closing the door behind him. I breathe a faint sigh of relief. "The bodyguards are always so sticky." I whisper and Kai laughs faintly. He's a dear old friend of my father's, I see a lot of him in Kai. "So... did you find what I asked you for?". I ask, pretending ignorance, even though I already know that the answer is yes. He is the best. So I look at him, waiting and he, in response, puts himself comfortable on the chair.

"Madam, I must admit that I was surprised when her majesty called me here, on such short notice." He starts and I listen to him with interest. "But I still managed to get some of the informations she asked for." He explains and he puts two paper boxes between us, full of sheets. "The girl she asked me to investigate on is Anna Andersen". I nod even if it was not a question. "I checked in her family. The girl’s parents, Mrs. Alice and Mr. Matthew Andersen passed away two years ago. They lost their lives in a tragic car accident." Kai says calmly and I'm really sorry to hear this news and I think he can notice it.

"Anna's parents, are they dead?" I ask calmly and Kai nods kindly. "Well… this happened so long ago. Why are you telling me this?".

"I am forced to ask you if you feel like continuing this discussion, assuming legal responsibilities, should there be any violation of other people's privacy. Your majesty knows the procedure." He says, he puts a piece of paper and a pen in front of me. I read it quickly and find that it's a request for consent. I sign and the man retrieves pen and paper and quickly slips them into his briefcase. "The story of Miss Andersen is complex, your majesty." Kai starts. "The wills had been drawn up. Her inheritance consisted of the house owned by Mr and Mrs Andersen, however the house was auctioned and sold about three weeks after her parents death to cover the debt they had with the state. A big debt indeed” He says, and I squeeze my fingers into a vice. "There was no more inheritance left." He says and pushes the paper folder towards me, enticing me to read it. "Does your majesty wants to read it?".

"I'd rather you tell me the highlights." And so I think I've made it clear that the envelope will never even be opened.

"I understand." Says the man, sighing, with melancholy. He opens the envelope, now crumpled for intensive use that seems to have been made of it and puts a stack of papers in front of me. "About you questions on this girl, madam… well… she might not be the cleanest of people. Legally speaking. You see, after the accident, a juvenile court decided the fate of the then minor Anna Andersen. With no one to take care of her, the court decided to leave her alone for the few days until she came of age. The judge thought there was no need to put her in an orphanage, since she would have stayed in there a week. That was two years ago. The girl's been alone since then." I look at him in disbelief. 

"So… she's isn't twenty one… is she?". I ask, feeling the terror take me. The man shakes his head. 

"No, madam". The man clears gently. "She's barely twenty. But don't worry. She's a legal adult in this country". 

"But she's not in Arendelle…". He confirms sadly as if he knew where I wanted to go. 

"No, she's not". So Anna… she was underage when we met in that bar. That... idiot! She lied to me! To me!

"How is she at economically? Bank accounts, savings? She must have something saved up." I ask and rub my face with my hands, wearily. The man throws a look at me that has all the air of wanting to say, 'you should know the answer already.' Of course, of course. She was a little girl. A little girl they seized the house from, what savings must she have? She's going to be poor in the barrel! I'd like to do something... but what? I can't take care of a woman who probably hates me right now. My analyst would have a lot to say about my saviour complex. "What economical hopes does she have?" I ask and the man scratches his neck awkwardly.

"Madam…". He starts darkly. "After her parents loss, she… didn't turn out well. I don't wanna state the obvious, but apparently everyone knew her family status back then and no one wanted to hire her. So she went turn tricking… if you know what I mean". I feel sick in the stomach immediately. "So no economical hope. Or at least, none noteworthy, or rather none that would be of any interest to you, your majesty. Anna’s parents were accused of child abuse. The girl barely finished compulsory school. Bad grades, probably related to a hyperactivity disorder. For a short time she was also transferred to a specialized facility until the process was held. They analyzed the case and her parents were very receptive to the treatments. The judge decided she could go back home." In that unhealthy hovel. I dare not imagine what she went through. "Let's be clear. The girl doesn't have a good pedigree. She's a difficult child".

"Well… but she won't last long on her own, will she?" I say and he nods sadly. "What guarantees could I receive from this girl?" I ask, biting my lips and the man understands where I want to go and laughs.

"None. If anything, we have to wonder, on the contrary, how much work this girl will require for."

"Obviously." I say, looking up at the sky. "Tell me what to do." I say calmly and Kai opens his bag and shows the files to me. It contains the court order and Anna's data. But what strikes me is the small color photo that I see on the top left. It's unfocused and it's a little dark, but I'd recognize that face everywhere.

"It would take a miracle. A real miracle to save that girl and as influential as her majesty is, I'm afraid she can do very little for a background like that." Says kindly Kai, confirming my doubts. Then he pulls other documents out of the briefcase. They look like medical records. "I think it's fair for your majesty to have them. The girl is followed by specialists. She's got some relevant mental issues". Kai intercepts and gives them to me. I open them with confusion and read them. I can feel my mouth getting dry. I feel a strong act of nausea turning my stomach. "Also… and that is my humble opinion, if her majesty did, how to say… sleep, with the girl… well, seen her precedents on affection craving I would suggest some check ups. Urgent check ups, I might add".

"Excuse me." I mumble and pull myself to my feet, walking away at a hasty pace and leaving him sitting there trying to guess what just happened. Olaf whom sees me going out like that, whitens and tries to follow me, but I beckon him to stay at his place.

I go into the bathroom and close the door behind me, before holding my face in my hands and cursing me for my stupidity. I tell myself I don't have to panic and sit on the nearest sink. I pull the papers out of the envelope again and read them carefully. It's a medical report a couple of years old at least. There are plates, but what strikes me is the wording: "Acute hypomania, bipolar disorder I, depression, affective disorder...". And I can't read everything else that's written on it. I pull my head back and I cover my face with one arm, with a trembling sigh. What have I got myself into…

How many did she sleep with? I mean… I did notice she's damn desperate for affection, but I thought she was just being nice. Apparently not...

It takes me a long time before the idea gets to form in my mind. The idea that she might not have been as happy as I thought she was. It was just a facade, and I didn't get it. She was insecure. That would explain a lot of things. I misunderstood her... I'm afraid the last week was wasted. That in her eyes I could have looked like the strange stranger who hosted her for no reason, seduced her, loved her, and then abandoned her. I open the water and take off my glasses to rinse my face. It can't be... It must be a nightmare. What am I supposed to do now? How can I save her? Forcing her to follow me?

"Stupid Anna! She had to tell me!". I murmur, even though I'd like to scream. I punch the glass of the sink that breaks. I can handle it with an almost invisible cut, that bleeds a lot. Then I'm struck by the realization. She wasn't joking when she asked me to run away with her. She was serious. She tried to talk to me, and I ignored her. I feel guilty.

It takes me ten good minutes to recover and when I get back to the conference room, I do it with a pale face like a corpse, glasses on my eyes and the unmistakable look of someone who has spent the last ten minutes crying over herself, besides that with a hand conspicuously bandaged with paper tissues at the best.

"What happened to you?" Olaf asks, but I ignore him and enter the room again where Kai is waiting for me. Oaf follows me like a puppy. I sit down with a thud in my chair and pull my hair back under the distraught gaze of both men.

"Do you feel well, your majesty?" Kai asks, and I'd like to shake my head. I spent the last five minutes crying, slumped over one of the columns in the hallway. I can't save Anna. We are mentally incompatible. She's everything my psychiatrist told me to stay away from and yet I have to help her. I must to. She's dear to me. Damn dear. How am I supposed to feel? I know it's an overreaction, but... the idea still somewhat upsets me. My little Anna. I'm, to be polite... Fucked. I nod to the man to move on. "Well... it was all there was, your majesty. Do you want me to do more researches?". He asks, and I shake my head. I don't want to know anything else. I'm afraid of what I might find out. I try to avoid looking at the photo while I do it and eventually he closes the file and frees me from the abhorrent sight. "Her majesty had my opinion. Now she has to walk with her own legs."

"Do you know where she is?" I ask, turning to Kai and he snorts. I know where she is. Or at least I know where she's been for the last week. I should have had her address written. Something! I knew it. It was like a feeling. That she was lying to me; that she was hiding something from me. I squeeze my hair and try to concentrate. "Can't you give me an address? Maybe the one of a friend she is staying at?".

"I have no news for your majesty. Looks like the girl's gone and left no new information. According to the information on the file, her biological parents were still living in Corona and she was supposed to go to a friend's, but he never saw her again. The house was sold, but she could still be around. I suggest for your majesty to start looking there." Calmly says Kai, as if it's nothing important. I found her in a bar. Drinking! How many chances do I have of finding her in a city as big as Corona? Kai picks up his belongings from the table and closes the briefcase. "It was a pleasure to see you again, madam. For anything you don't hesitate to contact me." He says, he shakes my hand and, as I allow him, he goes away without adding a word.

"Elsa, what have you two been talking about so far? I don't want to tell you, but you look damn upset." Says Olaf, rubbing his hand on my shoulder with reassuring manner. Now I don't have the courage to tell him what I've been doing the last few days. He wouldn't understand. "Do you want me to bring you something to eat? Your flight leaves in two hours. Don't worry. We'll be back home in no time."

"Two hours…?". I ask to myself, horrified. I don't have time. I'm going to have to run and hope I get lucky. "No… I am not ready. Move the departure and set it for tomorrow. Let's hope no one notices". I say but he laughs incredulously. 

"Of course they're gonna notice. There's a welcoming committee waiting for you in Arendelle. They have been planning this for a week. We can't simply postpone it again. The blizzard saved you once...". He says, then he points at the gossip journal left forgotten on a corner of the table. "But what will be your excuse now? After that, they will totally know something is happening and as your image consultant, I think it's unwise for you to play this game". 

"Merida surely took care of that already". I say, looking at the picture. "If it was a problem she would have said it". 

" _I_ am telling you". He reprimands. "I managed in covering your escapade, saying snow was the problem, but gossip works faster than us. The country could already be in turmoil and there's no need to confirm suppositions. Do you understand?". He asks slowly and clearly. "You're playing with your own head as a stake here". 

"Listen, I get it. You're worried". I intercept. "But I have to go get her." I say and I stand up. He looks confused. It certainly wasn't the answer he expected. I don't have a minute to lose. She’s alone. How she's been doing on her own for almost a month? I don't understand. No money, no one to lean on. At least I hope she has some friends who took care of her. But how can I hope so? She has slept six days with me, a stranger for her, without thinking of it twice and without anyone looking for her. I'm clutching my hair. It's my fault. I feel the anxiety and the guilt fill my heart. Stupid. "I have to go get her." I insist and Olaf, he understands that I mean ‘right now’ and he pulls himself up.

"Go get who? When?". He asks, and I shake my head. I don't have time to explain it. I don't know what to say. I feel another vomiting fit mixed with guilt grabbing my stomach. I've never been of a strong disposition and in the last few minutes my body doesn't struggle to make me remember it.

"Don't say anything Olaf. Please." I say and I precede him outside. "Cancel all my appointments today and... and tomorrow too. Do your best. I'll be out of cellphone range. See you at the airport. I'll call you myself." I say and he nods, chasing me and he gasps like a fish out of water. "Oh... Call Gerda. Get a room ready. I have to get back to Corona right now. And I recommend fo you to not talk to anyone about this."

"What about? Hold on. Are you serious?". He asks in disbelief, running after me on the stairs. "Elsa, you just got back. Whatever it is, you're taking it too close to heart. You can't disappear again. I won't know how to justify it. Please. Send me and go back home." I tell him to shut up. I'm not going to leave Anna in that horrible city alone a minute longer. He grimaces. "Then I'll come too." I look at him with wide eyes and full of terror. "It's going to get dark and you won't drive alone in this weather. It's going to snow again and at night and, especially not in your state, upset as you are. I can also cancel your commitments from the car." He says and stares at me. We stop to look at the entrance.

"No". I say bluntly and precede him outside, but he insists, continuing to follow me. "I said no, Olaf." I repeat and he, in response, speeds up the pace. Suddenly it becomes a race for those who arrive first to my car. But I'm faster. I press the button on the keys and in no time I'm inside, with the doors closed. Olaf looks at me furiously through the window. "I'll see you tomorrow!". I scream starting the engine. He tries to open the door without success and when he finally realizes that he will not win it, he snorts and points a finger at the window.

"You'd better call me when you arrive." He tries and intimidate me and I pretend I don't hear him. "I'm not kidding. If you don't call me, I'll send someone to look for you." I snort. I'm just wasting my time. Eventually he takes a step back and lets me leave, still confused and worried. I guess he's still wondering what got into me.

I drive fast, pushing the car to the limit of its possibilities. I'm not afraid of a fine. Let them send me one home. It takes five to six hours to cross Corona, when the road isn't too busy. I'm going to go the same distance in four. When I arrive at the gates of the city it is dark and has just started to snow. Maybe Olaf was right. How do I hope to find her at night and in this weather? I sigh and think about it, bottled as I am in this damn traffic.

I just hope my idea of looking for her back in that bar is good, otherwise I don't know... With the tail of my eye, leaning as I am with my head on the window, I see something that catches my eye. A small shop displays an old jacket on the window. Looks familiar. It's similar to the one Anna was wearing this morning. No... It's not possible. You're just confused, Elsa. I look ahead, but I have like a hunche. I turn and look at it better. Something tells me I should trust my instincts more. Look how much trouble I got myself into ignoring them. Trying doesn't cost anything, right?

I do a reversal and park, get out of the car. You're crazy, Elsa. Totally crazy. It looks like the shop is closing, but I get in there before the man can close the door. I think I surprise him, because as he sees me he takes a step back and beckons me to come in. I don't think he expected a client at this time of night.

"If you neet anyting you must make it quick. Ve're closing." He says and starts behind the counter with the dried look of one who just wants to go home. I bite my lips and look around until I find the jacket. I point at it and he's squinting. "Do you want to rely tat?" He asks me with disbelief and I nod. I see him scratching the back of his head, snorting and shrugging. "Fine." He mumbles. He goes to the window and pulls down the jacket, as if he doesn't believe what he's doing. "If you vant it." He says and he hands it to me. "Go avay now. I'm closing." I raise both eyebrows, with confusion.

"What does that mean? You are just giving it to me?". I ask, putting the jacket under my arm and he nods snorting. I feel disallowed. It takes me a few minutes to put my thoughts back together, while he settles the last things behind the counter.

"Take this as a closing gift." He tells me and he slips his coat on. "It's vorth nothing. I vouldn't have sold it anyway. Just take it and leave. Ve're closing." He insists and I understand that he just wants to throw me out, so I make a tough face, before he's too indisposed to answer my questions.

"Who gave you the jacket?". I ask and he murmurs something. I invite him to speak louder, but he in response gently pushes me out of the door with one hand and leaves the store in turn. He locks the door and pulls down the iron shutter. "I want to know. I'm looking for someone. Who gave you the jacket?".

"A girl." He says in the end and I chase him to what looks like his motorcycle. He opens the trunk, pulls out a helmet and kicks it on his head. "Short, smol girl. I see her occasionally passing by. She comes to the store to sell stuff." He's shrugging. "It's usually trash. Necklaces and thing like dat"

"Okay... ok...". I cut short, raise a hand and let him know that's not what interests me. I don't have much time either. "Where can I find her?". I ask and he thinks about it, sitting astride his motorcycle. He scratches his forehead and moans something.

"At the station, I believe. I've seen her there every now and then." He says and sets in motion. At the station? At this hour?

"I need from you one last thing." I say and he looks at me sideways. "I need a ring."

"A ring." He repeats in disbelief and I nod.

"I really need it. You must have a ring in the store, right? I just need one, even it's not valuable."

"They're vorthless." He says and I nod, conscious. I see him snorting, peeling off one of the huge rings he has on his fingers and handing it to me. I take it right away and put it in my pocket. "Now if you'll excuse me." he says. He grumbles, nods his head and goes. I pull my hair back anxiously and look around. I'm never going to make it. This is going to kill me. I feel my hands shaking and I instinctively slip a hand in my coat. I pull out a vial and I throw down the usual two pills. Trying to calm myself down. He said the station. It's worth a try, isn't it?

I put the jacket under my arm and quickly start towards the car. The time it takes to search for the station on the navigator and I am already moving. Twenty incredible minutes later I'm in front of the entrance of what I thought was a train station and instead it's a subway. Parking, I cover my head to prevent the weather, which is definitely worse, from killing me and I descend the stairs.

It's late, there's few people, but the lights are still on, a sign that the last train has yet to pass. I follow the stairs to a wide clearing that serves as a divider for the various tracks. There are little shops and turnstiles to get off. In the corner I see the information offices box. A woman is sitting bored behind the glass so I start talking to her.

"Good evening, how can I help you?". She asks with inexpressive voice, without even looking at me.

"I'm looking for someone. A girl." I explain. "She has red hair, clear eyes, she's tall more or less like that. No jacket." I raise my hand to show her. "Did you see her by accident?".

"Anna." She says, and I can feel my breath dying. I nod vigorously, clutching the shelf of the box. "That poor little girl. She always sleeps on the tracks. I don't want to stop her, you know? I don't have the guts to throw someone out in that cold. It doesn't matter what my boss thinks." She complains about shaking her index finger. "If she wants to sleep in the chairs, let her sleep in the chairs...".

"Yes, yes." I say to convince her to hurry. "Tell me where she is. I'm in a hurry."

"Oh, but she's not here." She says and I look at her horrified. "I sold her a ticket just now. I mean, I didn't sell it to her, she wouldn't have had the money to pay for it. It's a fact that she's already gone."

"Where for?" I ask again, hopping from the anxiety.

"Central station. It's two hours from here." I pull my hair back as I feel my heart sink into my stomach. Two hours. "You can try and check. But I can't assure you anything." She says and she gives me a pass, which I take.

"Which way?". I ask and she points it out to me. I start running like an idiot, over the turnstile and down the stairs. There doesn't seem to be anyone around. I really think I made a hole in the water when a sneezing makes me jump. I turn around and look for the place of origin of the noise and there, sitting on a bench, is Anna. Swinging her feet with a depressed look and looking around, with the ticket in her hands.

And all of a sudden I realize I don't know what to say. I don't know how to tell her. I don't want to imagine the face she's going to make. She looks the other way and doesn't seem to notice me, while I'm petrified in my place. I'm holding my hands in a fist.

"Anna?" I ask, staying still. She turns around and as she sees me her expression changes radically. She's surprised as if she doesn't believe I am really here. She smiles at thirty-two teeth and seems to not believe her eyes. I feel a dip in my heart. She's so beautiful. The hair that are of a coppery red falls gently on her shoulders and aquamarine eyes that are now focused entirely on me. Her expression seems to be asking me what the hell I'm doing here. I'd like to know, too. After a moment of silence, I see her shaking. I start towards her and throw her jacket, which I brought with me, on her shoulders. "Are you crazy? Selling the jacket in this cold. Do you want to freeze to death?". I ask and she makes a puzzled face.

"Where did you find it?" She asks me, standing up and letting me button it up for her. She takes my face in her hands and smiles at me. "What are you doing here? I thought you were gone". She mutters and stretches to hug me, but I retract. I still have to figure out how to handle this situation and take advantage of any kind of physical contact seems immoral. I'm afraid it would be like cheating. We don't have time for this. I see she doesn't take it well but I'm pretending not to see it.

"I need to talk to you about some important things." I say and she's waiting, but I don't have the courage to tell her here and now. I'm not ready, so I reach out to the exit. "Can I talk to you? In private?" She looks at me and looks around, as if she's wondering why not do it here, since there's no one and eventually she sighs and nods. I take her by the hand and drag her upstairs, then to one of the bathrooms. I think the situation seems so surreal to her that she doesn't have the strength to rebel. She follows me without making a fuss. I look ahead, avoiding looking at her. I hope to find the strength to tell her everything. I think if it was a good blow for me, it will definitely be more for her, given how she stares at me. I swallow and lower my gaze.

"Well, we're here. What do you have to tell me?" She asks, clutching in her jacket for the cold and I sigh. I look around. That's not the way I wanted to do it, but I don't think I would have any other chance. I dry my sweaty hands on my skirt and squeeze my lips. I can't find the strength. I can't find the words.

"Anna...". I swallow. "I want you to be damn sincere with me now. This is really important". I am so serious she just nods. "How old are you?". She looks at me as if I've gone crazy. She chuckles nervously. 

"Did you come all this way to ask me that?". She mumbles as if she can't believe it. 

"Tell me". I order, taking her by her shoulders. She swallows, shaking her head. She doesn't know what to answer. She bites her lips. 

"I turned twenty the day we met. So what?". She confesses and I feel the pang of nausea take me again. I let her go, trying to contain the disgust I feel for myself. I nod. Ok… what is done is done. "I assure you I am an adult". She says nodding. "What's the problem? Why are you so disgusted? I'm an adult". 

"That's not the fucking point! You said you were twenty one at least". I yell and she jumps in fear. I think it's the first time she sees me really enraged and she's scared to death. I see her loose a couple of years of life while she pales. 

"Listen. It's just a year… what does it matter? I wanted to pump it up a bit, because you seemed really obsessed by it, but it's not a big deal".

"Well, it is!". I say, pointing at my chest. "Not just because you're legally a minor in my country, but also and foremost because you lied to me! And kept on lying while we were together! How am I supposed to trust you?". She swallows and genuinely shrugs. 

"You were one of the strangers I met in a bar… I couldn't tell you the truth". She justifies. "You could be a serial killer for all I knew". I pull my hair back and laugh. This is absurd. Why am I doing this?

"How many?". I ask and she looks at me as if she doesn't understand. "How many strangers have you slept with, exactly?". She deadpans. 

"Why do you even care? Why are you asking me all this questions?". She sincerely asks. I think she sees the death glare I give her. "I mean… a lot…". 

"A lot? Define a lot". 

"Yeah… well… maybe twenty".

"Twenty?". I ask incredulously. She's cute but I didn't think she would be so desired. 

"Mabe thirty… I didn't really keep a track on it". She says embarrassed.

"Thirty?!". I yell and before I can go crazy about it I press my forehead on the mirror. Thirty… "I must really get myself checked up". She snorts.

"Who do you think I am? I used precautions you know… no need for that". I hit my head on the mirror slowly. This is bad… journalists are gonna feast on this. The queen slept with a minor… also promiscuous enough to be well know. Fuck! Fuck! "Now…". I feel her hand on my shoulder. I look at her and I see she's worried. "Will you tell me why are you freaking out like this?". 

"I came here to make you a proposal. But I can't now, can I? This conversation changes everything. You are a liar and seen your references… I don't know if I'll ever able to trust you again. I mean… thirty!". 

"I lied for defense". She justifies. "I am not lying now, am I?". I swallow and I nod. Yes… it's true but… "And about the… thing with those men… Elsa I had to… I had no choice. Do you think I don't regret it? I didn't love them". She says and we stare at each other long. 

"But do you love me?". She looks at me in confusion and then nods. "You're not lying right now are you?". She shakes her head. "How do I know you won't start lying again?". 

"I promise?". She asks naively, shrugging. I close my eyes, thinking. What should I do? "So… are you gonna tell me what are we doing in a station's bathroom?". She asks, gently. She's so beautiful… so nice. Where will I ever find a person like her?

"Can you also promise me… you will cut it with the sleeping around? Promise me you won't fool again with men and I will give you my trust". She nods, not even thinking about it. "I know we don't know each other enough, and I know I told you you should never run away with someone you don't know... in fact it is so...". I rumble, watching everywhere except to where Anna is. "But I could take care of you, even economically, in the long run. Provide you with all the care you need. I'm pretty comfortable, Anna. We could learn to trust each other with time...". I still mumble in a confused way. "And I think you would really be the missing piece of my life. I've come to know you in the last week and I have to say that you don't displease me, infact...". 

"What are you trying to say?" She asks puzzled, frowning. What am I trying to say? I sigh and think there's no other way to ask her, but to be direct. I shake her hand and get on my knees, under her curious gaze.

"I know this isn't the romantic way you'd want to run away with me, but... if you still want me and you feel like it..." I whisper and pull out the ring in my pocket to show her. "Would you like to marry me?"


	5. Choose wisely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support. I hope you like this chapter too. Let me know :)

Chapter 5

**Choose wisely**

"Would you like to marry me?". Elsa asks and I see hope in her eyes. I can swear to hear her heart beating wildly as she stands on her heaving knee in front of me and I can't believe my ears. I burst out laughing, it's stronger than me. Elsa feels teased and mortified blushes up to the tip of her ears and lowers her gaze, biting her lips. That's the moment I understand. 

"Oh my God… are you serious?". I ask incredulously. 

"There's no need to humiliate me, Anna. I know what it looks like." She complains offended and makes to stand up, but I stop her, resting my hands on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't want to humiliate you." I say quickly and I hold her still so I can watch her again while she tightens her grip on the ring. I have a huge smile on my face that I can't hide. "It's surreal…".

"I thought you said you wanted to run away with me… this is the best I can do…". She explains. "Now, please… decide quickly. This floor is greasy and sticky and I would prefer to be out of here as soon as possible". I look at her and I bit my lips. "I thought you would be happier to hear this". 

"I am happy, Elsa. It's just that I never imagined that my marriage proposal would be made to me in the bathroom of a subway, if you know what I mean." I explain. "It wasn't as romantic as I thought."

"Oh...". She mutters when the realization hits her. "Do you want to go outside?".

"No". I say and clutch her cheeks in my hands, crouching in front of her, while she looks at me puzzled. "I think this is exactly what I needed for". She looks at me as if I grew a second head. "Ask it again." I insist, shrugging my shoulders. "I think I'm ready this time." I take a deep breath and nod, making her realize that now is the right time. She swallows and pushes the ring between us timidly.

"Anna... do you want to marry me?". She asks, tightening her lips. The fear on her face is so visible that it’s almost palpable.

"Yes". I answer with a smile and kiss her, pressing my lips forcefully on hers, before she can even think of having a reaction. "I want to". I say and she gives me a hinted smile, rising her eyebrows. "Do you love me Elsa?" I ask and she blushes furiously and pulls a lock of hair behind her ear with clumsiness.

"Well...". She swallows. "I certainly wouldn't marry anyone else so willingly." She explains and I roll my eyes.

"You'll have to improve in terms of romance." She nods, as if it is vital to obey. "Tell me something nice. I just agreed to marry you. A stranger. In the bathroom of the subway". I plead and she thinks carefully, opens her mouth a couple of times unconvinced and finally seems to make up her mind.

"Anna, you are the person I have become attached to the fastest and most passionately in my entire life. I could never care for anyone more intensely than I care for you." I tap her lips with one finger because it looks like once she's stated, she can't stop.

"It's enough for me." I say and she nods. "Now let's get out of this bathroom. I'm afraid they're going to lock us in, and I don't want to get stuck here all night". So I take the ring out of her hand and let her escort me out without a word.

"I'm sorry if it's not fancy…". She says, mortified, taking my hand and referring to the ring as we take the stairs. "I didn't have time to find something better". I shake my head.

"I don't mind the ring… it's actually better that I ever thought of deserving". I answer, rolling the big ring on my finger. "What I want to know is what happened that made you change your mind. Why are you back?". She gasps and think about it.

"I may have realized I made a mistake". This is her answer as we exit the subway. 

I'm ecstatic. I feel like i'm in the finale of a romantic movie. And this is my happy forever after. I watch Elsa drive through the snow. She's quiet and she looks worried, but I don't pay too much attention to it, busy as I am shaking my hands in embarrassment and trying to hide the victorious sneer that keeps printing in my face. She reaches out to stroke my cheek, but then she seems to regret it and doesn’t. After a long moment of silence she opens her mouth.

"What were you doing at the station at this hour?". She asks and suddenly my smiling grimace collapses. I look at her with my eyes wide. I let out a hysterical laugh and scratch my neck.

"I was waiting for friends...".

"You don't expect for friends on a subway track, at this hour and without your jacket, Anna." She says and I whiten. Right... the jacket. Where...? Oh... and I finally understand. I've been discovered. She's testing me again. This is bad. "What does your family think about the late hour you're walking around?". She asks, and I know she knows. It wasn't a random question. I swallow. If I play well I could get around it…

"Not that they care much about it at this point." I murmur and it's not entirely a lie. They're dead. She doesn't fall for it. She looks at me with the tail of her eye and doesn't look happy.

"We should call them and see what they think about the marriage." She intercepts now, and I know I'm screwed at this point. I open my mouth and I don't know what to answer, but before I can make up another excuse, she intrudes. "Stop lying. You said you would stop! If we're going to get married, I want you to be honest with me all the time. Tell me the truth." She intimates at me in a dangerous manner and I open my mouth, incredulous. How does she know it's a lie?

"My parents are dead." I say sincerely, almost softly so as not to let her hear. She looks at me, but she doesn't seem surprised. I see that she exhales a trembling sigh of relief instead, as if she had expected much more resistance from me, instead of a clear confession.

"Who takes care of you?". She asks, and the conversation takes on the harsh tones of an interrogation. "There's going to be someone I can talk to."

"No one. I... I'm on my own."

"Tell me you don't sleep at the station." We look at each other for a long moment, then she goes back to stare in front her. I look down mortified. I don't know how she found out, but she doesn't seem happy about it at all. I think she senses the answer because she sighs, rubs her face exhausted and swallows. "Anna... Why didn't you tell me you had financial difficulties? Why did you lie to me? I thought we had a special bond… all this fibbing is making me seriously question everything we had this week."

"I am ashamed…". I confess quietly and I feel her eyes on me. "Would you have invited me to stay at your house if you had known?" I ask sincerely and she grimaces in a way that seems to say 'of course', but I think she's lying. "Elsa... If I had told you, you would have thought I was a drifter and you would have kicked me out. A girl in my condition is never seen with a good eye. I just wanted to keep you from thinking I'm... A tramp."

"You are not a tramp. And I forbid you to say it again." She says in a peremptory tone and I sigh. "You're not a tramp. Not when I'm here. It's my fault. I should have gotten there earlier." Here we are with the rejection. "Why do you care so much about my opinion that you hide something like that from me? You don't even know who I am." She says in frustration.

"Of course I know. You're Elsa. The most amazing woman I've ever met." I say with enthusiasm. "And I know you don't care if I'm an orphan or if I sleep at the station. You're better than that. Right? Or you wouldn't be here." I say, and she writhes like I just punched her in the stomach. I sense something is not okay and I watch her. "Is something wrong?".

"You don't marry me because you need money, do you?". She asks and I feel the insecurity in her voice.

"No!" I exclaim, but she doesn't look convinced.

"I could understand, Anna. You just have to tell me, so I... won't make expectations on you. I won't feel disappointed". She murmurs and her words hurt me.

"Do you really think I could do this to you?" I ask and she rubs her eyes. She shakes her head, then nods with uncertainty. "Elsa... I would never hurt you. Who do you take me for?". I ask and she looks at me.

"I'm terrified." She confesses and I can see her hands shaking on the steering wheel. "I feel like a child. I'm really terrified and I don't know what to do…".

"Why?".

"Because this is stupid… no, not stupid. Insane". She explains, trembling. "This is the most crazy thing I've ever done in my life. Marrying a stranger. The consequences could be catastrophic for me. I am not in the position for playing around". Her voice is nervous. "I'm afraid you will regret the choice you're making, and then I'll pay the consequences." She says with extreme sincerity, but above all with a tough face that I don't recognize on her. I look at her with confusion. "I'm weak... I don't know how I could take your rejection, I...".

"Why should I regret it?". I ask and she doesn't look at me. She's thinking and I see her massaging her eyes with her fingers.

"If we have to be honest with each other, I might as well tell you... ". She mumbles to herself and I immediately think of the worst. "Remember when you asked me what I do and I didn't want to tell you?". She asks, and I nod. Is she a drug dealer by any chance? Did she kill someone? "Well, there's a reason... The truth is, I'm in charge of... an important position." She confesses and she must see I have a hard time following her.

"Are you famous?" I ask and she grimaces.

"Some sort." She says. That would explain a lot of things. So how can I not know her?

"Well, this isn't bad." I try, but she shakes her head.

"You don't understand. I have responsibilities... obligations that go beyond my will. I'm afraid that once we're married, these obligations may fall on you and that you may... find them unpleasant and want to leave. Only then you won’t be able to do it, Anna. We can't divorce. You are accepting this as a definitive choice. No turning back." She's really scared and I feel sorry for her. I put a hand on hers to reassure her, hoping that she will stop shaking and she immediately looks at me with surprise. I smile.

"Trust me. We're only going to take care of it if that moment comes. Until then don't think about it." I say and she looks at me for a long moment and at the end she lets out a trembling sigh and nods. "See? It's not hard."

"I hope you're right." She just says and keeps driving in silence.

"Of course I'm right. Don't worry, okay? I'll take care of keeping you away from your bad thoughts." I say and she smiles at me genuinely this time. "You're too stressed. You need to go on a vacation." I say and she laughs.

"My vacation has just ended." She says, laughing faintly. "You were there". There is a relaxed silence between us.

"Just out of curiosity... what kind of job is it?'. I ask in the end, unable to hold myself. She looks at me, swings her head and sighs.

"I am the queen of a small kingdom named Arendelle on the other side of the world." She says without thinking twice and her tone is calm and relaxed. A long moment of silence falls, heavy, then I look at her and burst out laughing. She raises both eyebrows.

"You almost had me. I didn't think you had this weird sense of humor." I laugh, breathing a sigh of relief. She laughs with me, but nervously, giving me a pat on the cheek and the discussion is shelved as if nothing has happened. Only now I begin to notice that she is tired, devastated and has circled eyes. "You're fine, aren't you?" I ask and she gasps for a few seconds, then shakes her head.

"I'll be fine when tonight is over." Confesses Elsa in a half voice, swallowing heavily. "I have… no, we… we have deadlines and we have little time to fix everything." She says and here the mysterious Elsa of the last days is back.

"What deadlines?". I wonder.

"Well, we have to get married, don't we?”. I don't know what to say. She sounds damn serious. All I know is I'm trying to analyze the situation, and I can't.

"Now?".

"When, if not?".

"Why so sudden? I thought we would talk it over… regroup for a while. Maybe date". I ask and she shakes her head.

"You wouldn't understand." She says.

"Well, I thought we'd have more time."

"Do you need more time?". She asks with concern, turning to look at me and I swallow uncertain.

"No... I...".

"I want to be your family, Anna. I want to take care of you, but I can't do that if you don't trust me." She confesses and I look at her for a long time. "Ok… I see you're scared. I will try and explain why we have to do that now, ok?". I nod. "My position… my family… they wouldn't allow me to marry you. You can understand why?". The words: stranger and lesbian automatically fill my head. I nod. "If I took you home they would find the way to ruin it and send you back". She says. "That's why we have to do it tonight. That's why I need you to be damn sure about it. You can't go back. No rethinking. So I am asking you again and I want you to think about it seriously. As if it is a death or life choice. Do you want to marry me? This could be dangerous and if you have the slightest of doubts, please tell me. We can still go back as if nothing happened". I have to make a decision.

Do I really love Elsa? Would I do this with her? Really? I look at her and my stomach tells me the answer. 

"You know what? Yes, let's do it. Tonight." She stares at me as if she's trying to understand if I am sure, then she takes my hand and kisses it, nodding as if mine has just been an order.

A silence falls this time that will not be easy to break. Just half an hour later, Elsa tries to break the ice. She casts a look at me. Eventually she gives up and sighs. We stop at the entrance to a small building. She pulls her cell phone out of her pocket and dials a number she takes from a business card.

"Alexander...". She begins in an authoritarian tone. "I need your help now. How much time do you need to rearrange that wedding for me?". She asks by looking at me with the tail of her eye. "I don't have three days." She answers. "I have a night. It was all ready for… Westergaard's. How difficult can it be?". Who's Westergaard? I try to ask but she shushes me. "Just change the name on the papers and let's roll with it." She says and the man on the other side of the phone seems to be talking at length. Elsa looks exhausted and nods slowly to every word. "You got my papers, but Anna... I don't think she has them." She murmurs, then turns to me and asks me if I have an identity card or other claims.

"I lost ‘em."

"We don't have the documents.". She confirms and she listens carefully to the answer she is given. "How long do you need to get them and fix everything?". She waits patiently for the answer. "I can give you two. Don't let me down Alexander. I'll send you by message all the informations you'll need." She says in a peremptory tone, then closes the communication. "Let's wait for the wedding planner to call us back." She says calmly, smiling at me. "Are you really sure you want to marry me? There's no turning back, Anna. It's not a game." I nod.

"Yes, I told you. I'm sure. Now stop asking me and calm down. I'll marry you. I'd marry you even if you had two heads. Where would I find another crazy woman like you who kidnaps me in the middle of the night to marry me?" I say and she laughs, shaking her head.

"Reassuring." She says, confident. "I promise that when we are at home we will have a serious marriage, with a real ring." She points to the trinket I hold with jealousy in one hand. "We'll do whatever you want. You just have to ask."

"I guess as a queen you're rich." I mean, I'm playing the game, and she nods. "How rich?".

"Embarrassingly so." She answers and I laugh. This woman has a fervent imagination. "Ask away, Anna." She insists and I sigh, looking up at the sky. I think about it.

"I want so many guests..." I say and she nods. "I want a nice dress and I want flowers and a buffet of sweets." Then I think about it and add, "And I want two reindeers with frac to take our rings to the altar." She looks at me with her eyes barred and full of terror as if she can't figure out if I'm joking or not.

"Two reindeers." She says in disbelief. "In a dress." She confirms, to be clear and pulls her hair back when I nod. "Anna... I don't know if it would be possible. The guests would laugh at us."

"But I want them and you promised." She swallows and nods faintly, uncertain. She looks at me to ask me if I'm done and I nod.

"Okay, done." She says and that's it.

"There would be something else." I say almost whispering and she turns to look at me intently. "I want you to give me guarantees Elsa." She looks at me in disbelief again, as if she doesn't understand the question. But I know she does it very well. "Don't disappear on me. Never leave me alone." We look at each other for a long time and she shakes her head.

"I won't do it. I physically can't disappear, Anna"

"Promise it." I insist and she nods. "Promise me you won't die." I say and she laughs and shakes her head.

"I can't promise you that, everybody dies, Anna."

"Promise me you won't betray me." I insist and she nods. "Promise me that you will not hurt me and that we will be a family and that...". She stops my lips with her hand and I swallow. I overreacted.

"Can you promise all this?". She asks, and I look at her. After a moment of thinking, I nod weakly. "Can you really, Anna?" And her tone is cold, glacial and calculating. She looks at me like she knows something I don't know. To break the silence comes the call of the wedding planner. Elsa talks to us and then sets in motion. "We'll find out." She whispers more to herself than to me and smiles at me.

Alexander, the wedding planner, waits for us three hours later standing in front of the municipality building with the look of one who has been awakened while he slept. Elsa goes down first and immediately shakes his hand. He smiles as I find the courage to get out of the car and follow them into the icy air.

"And this must be Anna." The man immediately says, bending down to take my hand and kiss it. I blush. "Enchanted." He says, but looks at Elsa while doing it, not me as if not to offend her. "Come, please. The mayor is waiting for us."

"Will the mayor marry us?". I ask the man and he nods before escorting us inside. The marriage isn't exactly what I expected. The mayor is waiting for us, dressed well and with the headband on his shoulders. There are other people, officials and two others who they tell me are the witnesses. I have the impression that we are getting married as two thieves, if we don't take into account the illustrious guests that are in this room. They make us sign a book, then the mayor gives Elsa a certificate. She smiles at thirty-two teeth, kisses me on the lips and, taking me by the hand escorts me out. All finished.

"Is that all?" I ask, as we head to the car. She turns to look at me and laughs faintly.

"Oh, in a week you'll desire that to be all." She says cryptically. "This was the civil wedding at Corona. It was just a legal formality, to make sure no one can stop me from marrying you after Anna." She says and I stupidly nod.

"But you don't have a ring." I lament and she proudly displays the certificate.

"I don't need the ring. This will be enough in my country."

"You didn't tell me where exactly are you from". I wonder. "Is it a nice place?" She nods. This woman is turning out to be full of surprises tonight. She smiles at me and doesn't answer. Before we can get in the car, the wedding planner runs after us and hands Elsa keys, which I understand to be those of the hotel. She hands me the keys and the certificate to get behind the wheel and now that I see it, it all seems a little more real. There's the mayor's signature in the corner, so it isn't a joke.

"Anna... how do you feel?". She's asking me for the first time since she got to the station. I look at her and breathe a trembling sigh, smiling. I don't know. I'm all a turmoil of emotions, which I wouldn't know which one to describe first. Then a thought strikes me. After the wedding there is usually... I swallow and look at Elsa. I don't think she's got it yet, because I see her trafficking lazily with the keys without any emotion.

"Elsa?" I ask and she looks up in confusion, looking at me and fearing that something has gone wrong. I stretch towards her, under her curious gaze and pull her at me for the collar of her shirt. I kiss her, slowly. "Aren't you forgetting something?". I breathe against her and she looks at me in confusion. 

"Hm?". She asks as I keep on with my assault. Twice, I kiss her cheek, then her neck. 

"I think you are too nervous… why don't we take time to… enjoy our first night?". Man… she gets there fast! Her eyes snaps open.

"After all we've been through you can only think about that?". I not and keep on kissing her. I hear her moan faintly and close her eyes, but as I unbutton the first button of her shirt, I feel her leaping and I malignly laugh at her ear. She puts her hands on my hips and try to retract. "Not in the car." She mumbles and pushes me away. "We have to do it right." I see her start the engine with a trembling hand and set off like a rocket.

The hotel is close. We get down in a hurry, to the point that Elsa forgets the suitcase in the car. We enter the hotel and we don't even stop at the lobby. Elsa drags me up the stairs, holding my hand, perhaps fearing that the elevator would be too dangerous. We jump the stairs and when Elsa opens the door of the room we are already on each other like two teenagers.

I take her by the collar of her shirt and pull her at me. She kisses me awkwardly, while holding her hands over my shoulders, she takes off her heels to kick them away. In the meantime, I close the door with an uncertain hand and a thud.

"Why did you take them off." I lament, throwing my arms around her neck. "You were gorgeous on those." She laughs and rubs her nose on mine. She's higher than me even without those, if we have to be fair. I take off her jacket one sleeve at a time, taking my time and she lets me, standing still like a statue. "I love you." I whisper and kiss her again, starting to unbutton her shirt. "Finally I can say it without sounding crazy." I murmur and she laughs at me with a satisfied grin. "Tell me you love me."

"I love you." She says, unexpectedly, waiting, as my hands begin to tremble on the buttons of her flannel shirt. I bite my lips and look at her. She looks happy. She smiles at me with satisfaction and affection.

"Stupid shirt." I insist, truncheating on a button that doesn't want to to cooperate. In the end, I lose my patience. "To hell with it!" I grab the two flaps of cloth between the buttons and tug them forcefully. The shirt suddenly opens and all the buttons shoot away, jumping everywhere.

"Anna, this shirt was worth a fortune." Whispers Elsa, but she doesn't seem angry, in fact I understand by the seductive tone she uses that I just made a shot. She passes her tongue between her lips and I stay in a trance watching her. "Anna, you'd better undress quickly or we'll have to do without it." She whispers in my ear.

"Okay, you're right." I say quickly, before pushing her on the bed. She looks at me as if she can't believe what I just did. I take off my jacket and drop it on the floor, before taking off my shoes and socks in one movement, hopping first on one foot and then on the other. I unbutton my jeans while she looks at me amusedly, sitting on the edge of the mattress. While I'm taking off one leg of my pants I stumble and I fall with a thud. I hear her laugh and when I look up I see her covering her lips with one hand. I reciprocate with a huge smile. Man... She's so dumb, she looks cute. I jump to my feet and pull off my t-shirt, remaining in my underwear, while she waits patiently.

"You dared to laugh." I intercept, raising my hands in a menacing manner and she shakes her head, with a huge smile printed on her face.

"No, that's not true." She defends and recedes, getting on the bed and spreading her arms towards me.

"Oh, yes, you did." I repeat. "You know what the punishment is?" She shakes her head and I throw myself at her, holding her still and tickling her hips. She laughs and tries to escape by pushing my hands away, until I decide that the joke must end. We look at each other heaving, while I take my place. I take her by the wrists and hold her arms high, preventing her from moving.

"Anna...". Complains Elsa, trying to break free. "You know I don't like this game."

"Tonight I want to be in charge." Intercept I and she snorts. I kiss her face as she moans and looks up at the sky. "Tonight you're mine, Miss." She looks at me and nods swallowing. "Good." I put a finger in the center of her chest and I can hear her shuddering. Then I slowly go down on her stomach drawing arabesques on her skin. She moans and closes her eyes swallowing. I can feel her shaking under my fingers. She's so beautiful. I slide my hands under her bra and feel her smooth skin under mine. It takes me little to strip her of what little that still covers her.

After what is the most needy sex I've ever had follows the most unexpected regret. We both lay still in bed, looking at the ceiling in silence. I think we shouldn't have done that with all the unresolved tension between us. Now I think we should have talked about the elephant in the room before having fun. She stays still ad a statue, swallowing in silence. 

Then suddenly she gets up, sitting on the bed and starting to get dressed. I look at her puzzled and scared. Is she gonna run away leaving me here? She doesn't say a word and my doubt grows.

"Where are you going?". I ask, genuinely scared. She turns to look and me and smiles gently. 

"I need a shower. My stuff is still in the car". She explains, putting on her suit. At some point I see that she tries desperately to put together the shirt that I destroyed, so I get up and go her with my jacket and put it on her, closing it up to her neck. I feel she breathes a sigh of relief. 

"Scared I'll get cold?". She asks me, jokingly and I shake my head.

"I'm scared someone looks at you. I won't let you go out half-naked." I lament and she nods. "No one should see you naked from the neck down, okay?".

"Already on with the jealousy?". She jokes pinching my cheek. I shake my head.

"It's still dark outside and going around like that is not safe. You're a woman Elsa. What if someone gets the wrong idea?". I ask worriedly. She looks at me, smiles affectionately and kiss my forehead. 

"I'll be back in a jiff. Don't worry. Go back to sleep". She says and she exits the room. I go back to lie in bed, waiting faithfully for her to come back. Did I upset her? Is she regretting what we did? I set a steady rhythm, patting with my fingers on my stomach. It takes her forty five minutes, but she's back in the end.

She enters the room with her luggage in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. 

"Sorry… I went to the shop. The one opened all night, down the street. I thought you would be hungry. I'm pretty sure you didn't eat last night". She says setting down the bag and offering me the shopping bag. I open it. There are sandwiches in there and cigarettes. A lot of cigarettes. I frown. 

"You smoke?". I ask curiously. I haven't seen her smoke since I know her. She stays vague. 

"Only when I'm nervous". 

"Are you nervous now?". She retrieves the packages and stuffs her luggage, without a word. She takes out a pair of jeans and a shirt. 

"I am getting showered. Take whatever you want if you need to change". I nod but I don't move. I wait for her to get out of the shower. She does everything calmly. She's clean and dressed now. Her hair are dry. 

She jumps on the bed next to me, with a funeral face. She smiles at me but the smile never reaches her eyes. I can't reciprocate. She settles with her back on the wall and gets her cigarettes out. She lays there in silence, wiggling her toes under her socks. 

"Do you mind?". She asks and I say no with my head. She picks a cigarette and lightens it. Now I see her hands are shaking. She puffs and cough. She doesn't smoke often, it's so clear. I sigh and lean my head on her stomach. I feel her hand caressing my hair calmly.

"Will you give me one?". I ask, but she shakes her head. We stay in silence, 'til she can't stand it anymore. 

"We… are married". She murmurs quietly and I nod. "That's a big step… how do you feel?". I think about it, rolling the ring on my finger. 

I can't believe I got married. I look at the ring that I stuck on my finger and I think. What is a wife supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? I don't know what Elsa expects of me, but at this point I think my biggest obligation is to take care of her. The thought fills my heart with warmth. It's a good feeling to know you're tied to someone and that someone needs you. It was just what I've been missing so far.

"It's ok". I smile not to give up too much information. In reality I'm ecstatic. "How do you feel?". I ask and she looks at the wall, keeping on smoking. Nervous… that's the answer. I hug her, to comfort her and she seems surprised. Her blonde hair on her forehead cover her eyebrows, but I still see the confusion in her eyes. I sit down to caress her shoulders, but she's so tired she doesn't even notice.

I smile and kiss her in the back of the head. I have to do my best at this point.

A ringtone makes us both jump. Elsa snorts angrily and rubs her face, before stretching a hand towards the bedside table over my shoulder. Failing to get to the phone beckons me to take it and I obey.

"Take it." She mumbles, returning to get comfortable.

"What? Do you want me to answer that?". I ask and she nods bluntly. God... I feel the weight of responsibility. Elsa is entrusting me with her cell phone, which until now has kept secret and the conversation with whoever is on the other side. Thes caller's name is Olaf. I swallow and press the start button, before I put my phone against my ear.

"Elsa, where the hell are you!" Asks a man with an angry voice. "I told you to call me as soon as you arrived. I've been waiting for your call all night." I swallow and to look at Elsa, makes me brave.

"I'm not Elsa." I say and the man seems surprised to hear my voice. "I'm Anna."

"Anna?". He asks with confusion. "Who the hell are you?". I think about it and at the end I take a good breath and I dare, before I impose myself.

"I'm her wife and who are you?". I ask and he laughs, as if he doesn't believe it.

"Where's Elsa?"

"She's here with me." I say and he seems even more confused.

"And what are you waiting for? Pass her on! I want to talk to her." He exclaims, but Elsa hears the question and shakes her head, so I immediately prepare to make opposition.

"I can't. She's sleeping." I say and what welcomes me is a glacial silence. "You want to leave a message, or…".

"Is she sleeping with you?" He asks with surprise, I confirm and he does not seem happy.

"Tell him I'm enjoying my honeymoon." Mumbles Elsa all of a sudden, but I don't have to report it to the man because he hears everything.

"What?!". He exclaims in disbelief on the other side of the phone. "Tell her that if she doesn't get on the phone right away, I'm going to send the hunting dogs to look for her, and this time I'm not kidding. I'm tired of her games." He says and I swallow. I look at Elsa and I repeat the exact words that have just been said to me. Elsa raises her worried head and beckons me to pass her phone. I obey.

"Fuck, Olaf." She snaps angrily and I'm surprised. It's the first time I've heard her curse. I try desperately to keep her glued to me while she answers. I don't want to let her go. I'm afraid we'll fight again if I do and the scene the other night has already been pretty painful for both of us. "What the hell do you want? Do you have any idea what time it is?". She asks and I close my eyes, that now are burning from the lack of sleep.

"It's time for you to go home." I hear the man say on the other side of the phone. "I won't cover another getaway Elsa. It was already difficult the first two times. Do you have any idea what work it was for me to make one in your position disappear without anyone noticing, huh?"

"Leave me one morning. I just got married, don't I have the right to enjoy at least one day of freedom?".

"Did you get married?". Asks him screaming furiously. "And with whom? How did this happen?".

"You met Anna, Olaf. I made her the proposal last night." A chilling silence falls.

"Come back." The man says bluntly. "Come back or I'll be forced to inform the council of your escapade and you won't like it."

"Oh, come on Olaf." Complains Elsa, but Olaf on the other side is adamant. I hear Elsa sighing. "We'll be there in the morning." The woman says calmly, stroking my hair and gently kissing my cheek. "Anna hasn't sleep. I'm not leaving until ten o'clock." I hear her say and I feel extremely comforted.

"I don't care if Anna hasn't slept. I need to talk to you now, so you better get here now." I feel Elsa's fingers caressing my cheek.

"All right." She says exasperated. "All right. We'll be there." She snorts and closes the communication, before throwing the phone back onto the bedside table.

"Who is Olaf?" I immediately ask on the defensive, while a rush of jealousy grabs my stomach. He's a man this time, I think angrily biting my lips.

"It's hard to say. He's... my protector." She says kindly, sittin down. "That is, our protector, now." I don't know if I'm heartened or worried. She puts her hand on my head and stands up. "Snuppa, get up or we won't make it in time." She explains, starting to get dressed.

"What do you care if this Olaf gets angry?" I ask wearily in an exasperated tone.

"He could get me in trouble if he stopped covering for me, and you can't imagine how terribly indisposed he becomes when he's angry." She says and I sigh. "Please get up. You can sleep in the car." She says and I snort obeying.

"I'm just doing it for you." I grumble and she smiles at me as I sit down and get on with it.

"Or for food. You're always hungry." She jokes, but I'm not laughing. I don't find it funny. She's ready in two minutes while I stumble and jump to put on my jeans. I can hear her laughing faintly. "My little Anna." She mutters and I feel a pang of love and affection taking my chest. I love it when she calls me that. I love it when she smiles and she's happy. I put on my jeans and shoes, then snatch a hoodie from her luggage and I am ready. 

"Won't you feel cold?". She asks me and I shake my head. She pinches my cheek. I pout. "I just don't want you to get cold. No need to be angry." She explains nicely, before kissing me. "Ready?". She asks by recovering her belongings. "Did you take everything?". I nod and she precedes me outside, while I follow her head down like a faithful dog. I look in the car as she pays the bill with the hotel and I stay with my head pressed against the dashboard. Then she gets back in the car. "Did you put on your belt?" She asks me and her eyes this morning, fixed on me, are ice blue; even more spectacular than ever. I nod tiredly without saying a word. "What is it? Are you tired?" She asks with concern, finally noticing my displeasure and I shake my head, while she lays a lock of hair behind my ear. The thing is, she keeps touching me and insisting on being so damn nice that I just can't be honest. I'm worried for her… she's been strange all night. 

"I'm just hungry." I lie and she must notice the lie, because I see that her smile dies a little. She sighs and tries to keep herself cheerful, smiling at me, so as not to make me suspicious. She changed her mind… it's so clear. I reach for the bag and get the sandwich she brought for me. I bite it, just to prove I am not faking it. I grimace.

"This sandwich is…". I feel nauseated and she notice it. She takes the sandwich from my hand and throws it out the window with no second thoughts.

"Then let's go for breakfast, søtnoms." She says and pats me on the cheek. She's strangely in the mood for physical contact. Maybe she just wants to make sure I'm not mad at her. I hope she stops soon because her attentions and perfume are driving me crazy and I don't know how long I can resist.

In the end, thanks to heaven she relaxes. She drives humming and I fall into a kind of sleep from which I wake up only when we have arrive at the bar to have breakfast. Precisely is the door that closes when Elsa gets back in the car with the breakfast bags in her hands, that makes me jump. She leans them on the dashboard in front of me and I snort wearily.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up." She just says, and I tell her not to mind with a hand while I open one of the envelopes and find a chocolate muffin. The smell is delicious and I hasten immediately to bite a piece. I moan satisfied, while Elsa smiles and gulps down her coffee. She gets back to driving, while I finish my breakfast. I look at her and I'd like to ask her what she's going to do with me, but I regret it. I don't want to know. I don't want to know anything about her plans or her expectations. I'm afraid I'd let them all down. "How do you feel?". She asks again. Why is she worrying so much?

"Everything's happening so fast…". She swallows and nods. "Yesterday I was gonna sleep in a subway and now… I am married. That's a lot to digest". 

"Don't worry. We'll be home soon". She answers. "I'll give you all the time you need to accept the situation. I'll leave you alone". I snort and she looks at me in confusion. 

"That's not the problem". I say, drawing her attention. Silence is deep, and all I can think of is that this marriage is crippled. Elsa has a job… she is a responsible adult. She probably has a house too. And what about me? What do I have to offer? I swallow. "I love the idea of being married but… can we discuss what are we going to do?". She doesn't understand. "I will have to find a job... to support the family." I murmur between me and myself. It's more of a thought, bu she hears it. She looks at me, raising her eyebrows and then bursts into a heartfelt laugh. Crystal clear. I snort, I clasp my arms and I sulk. "You're not really expecting for me to sit and do nothing..."

"Is that what you're worried of?". She asks and I confirm. "Oh, you're going to have a lot to do, An. Don't worry." She explains. "Right now you should be worried of meeting Olaf. He's gonna be our first problem". 

"What about him?" I ask and Elsa smiles shaking my hand and resting both on the gear lever. "Is it a problem if he doesn't like me?" I ask and she laughs faintly.

"Not per se…". She says. "He has no choice, but to like you, Anna. I'm not going to send you back to that subway." She says bluntly and I nod reassured. "But he might bitchy about it". She explains, now kindly clapping a hand on my leg and returning to drive. "And if he's bitchy he might cause problems". 

"What will your family, say?". I asks. Only now I am thinking about it, but she doesn't seem worried about it. 

"You are my family." She says and I roll my eyes. "Oh... You mean my parents?". I nod. "I'll introduce you to my mother sooner or later. She lives in the countryside and she doesn't like people very much, so it could be a problem. Well… she doesn't like me much, so… she's probably gonna say something".

"What about your father?" I wonder.

"He died a couple of years ago." She explains and I look at her with surprise and confusion, before giving up and nodding. I didn't know we had so much in common. "Don't worry. You'll meet all the important ones with time." She says and I sigh. "I hope you'll introduce me to your friends. I don't want to be the wife to be ashamed of." She says and smiles.

"Believe me. There's really no one worth introducing you to." I say wearily and she looks at me with sympathy as if she had expected this answer. 

The morning flows away like this between words, to my surprise, since Elsa had never spoken too much. And then, finally comes the time for reckoning. Elsa parks in front of a large building, with the inscription 'Consulate of Corona', written in capital letters at the entrance. She pulls the handbrake and swallows weakly. 

"Here we are." She says and stretches to fix a lock of hair behind my ear. "Okay... be kind and respectful, but weld. Otherwise he'll eat you." I nod, but all I can hear is 'don't give up Elsa for a second'. Then she puts the certificate of marriage in my hands, well rolled up. "This, Anna, until we are in Arendelle you will have to protect at the cost of your life. Do you understand?". She asks, and I nod fast. "Don't give it to anyone." Got it. I push the paper inside my hoodie, fixing on my jeans waistband so it doesn't move. She smiles.

We get out of the car and she drags me to the entrance, shaking my hand firmly. We cross the huge atrium and her heels continue to produce a cheerful march as she passes. We arrive in front of a big door. She knocks and waits, shifting the weight from one leg to another and I see that she smiles at me from time to time to reassure me and finally someone opens. A tall guy with black hair pulled back with the gel and nervous look.


	6. Reindeers are better than people

Chapter 6

**Reindeers are better than people**

  
  


"You're late." Snaps Olaf, making us enter in a hurry, without a word. I know he wants to avoid prying looks, especially those directed at Anna. As I advance, Anna, with whom I am holding hands with, must obey in turn. The man closes the door behind him and makes sure it's well closed, before coming towards me in a furious manner. "Now explain to me, Elsa: what the hell happened last night?". He cuts immediately, bypassing Anna entirely.

"Anna do you want to go get something to drink?" I ask, immediately turning to the redhead who looks at me worried. I want her out of here, for when the bomb explodes and out of shot from Olaf. I take out my wallet and give her a bill, but she doesn't accept it. I insist, but in response she squeezes my arm protectively, looking at Olaf angrily. She's stubborn and that might be a problem. 

"I'm not thirsty." She says, and I doubt she'll let me talk to Olaf alone now that she knows something's wrong. They both look at me with expectation and eventually I sigh and give up. I will have to save myself in the old-fashioned way: with a healthy dose of diplomacy. I adjust the sleeves of Anna's jacket on my arms and stand straight, to look at Olaf.

"Listen… this must stay between us. We can't risk a scandal". I murmur to Olaf who pays attention. "Can I trust you?". He snorts impatiently, gesturing for me to go on with his hand. "Me and Anna...". I say, pointing at the girl holding my arm. "Last night we got married. A simple marriage with very few witnesses." Olaf opens his mouth and I stop him. "It's legal. The mayor officiated it. There's no way to undo it. We have a certificate." Olaf looks at me like he wants to kill me. "I know what you're going to say but I really need you to help me solve this". 

"Are you crazy?" He slithers. His words are like a punch in the gut and I feel the blow. I thought he was going to support me. I was wrong. "What got into that mind of yours! You married a woman and… and a peasant! Do you know what this means? The troubles you are in now?". I nod without hesitation. "Why?". He asks and I laugh in disbelief.

"What do you mean why?".

"Of all the suitors who asked for your hand, you choose... Her? She has no financial security. No aristocratic past. If you swinged for women I'm sure that could be arranged somehow. The line outside your door would be majestic. And also… don't we have women in Arendelle? If you had to get a peasant you could have chosen between ours!" He says, pointing to Anna, and I nod confidently, holding an arm around the girl's shoulders.

"Well… I want Anna, not just anyone." I say and when I do it, Anna becomes a magenta red that reaches her ears and blends in with her hair for embarrassment, while Olaf becomes the same color, but out of anger. "And then how do you say she has no pedigree? For all you know..."

"I heard you and Kai talking." He cuts me short.

"You spied on us." I intercept and he shrugs, as if being caught red-handed isn't that terrible. "This isn't nice Olaf, even for you."

"It's my job!". He exclaims. "Elsa, be reasonable. Do you have any idea what a scandal it's going to be when we get to Arendelle? This won't be well seen. You're the queen. It's not natural for one of your family and your caliber to marry a woman without a pedigree. Do you have any idea what your nobles are going to do to her? Or to you? You know they're ruthless and they will eat you both alive. You will be the laughingstock of the whole kingdom." He says, and I grit my teeth. "Not to mention the fact that when the council finds out that I've lost sight of you and that you've also got married, it's going to get my head!"

"It's not that bad. I didn't do anything illegal." I defend myself. "We will find a solution, we always find it and my nobles will have to adapt."

"And how are you going to force them, huh?" Asks him angrily and I shake my head weakly and raise my arms. "Or do you think I'll always be there to save you? Do you know how many I had to lie to to secure your week-long escapade? Do you know how many people I had to pay handsomely to keep their mouth shut? And you pay me back like that? By betraying my trust? And bringing me this... this beggar!" I hear Anna stiffen, but I don't give her time to retort that I push her aside and stand between her and Olaf.

"Repeat it." I intimate him, standing straight and stiff and towering over him with my height and he whitens, realizing that he just made a false move. "Repeat it, I said."

"Elsa...".

"How dare you...". I hiss, clenching my teeth and he pales and begins to sweat visibly. "I am your fucking queen!" I scream, beating my foot in the ground, and he jolts with my sudden burst of wrath. Anna also trasrises. "And you will bring me the damn respect I deserve! And you will bring it to Anna who is my wife and therefore my princess consort. She owns you Olaf, understood? And you will be respectful or I swear on my own life that I will end you! Now apologise to her." Olaf gasses and looks at me, then Anna. "Now!".

"I'm sorry." He begins and I look at him angrily, until he understands and swallows. "...your highness." He says and bows before Anna who looks at me puzzled. He stays that way and I'm not going to give him a chance to get back on his feet for at least a few more minutes. To surprise us, however, comes Anna who until now had not opened her mouth.

"Are you really a queen?" Asks quietly the redhead in disbelief, and we both look at her as if she has a bomb in her hands. I'm actually on the verge of exploding. I have to put a stone on this question before the worst happens. I swallow and, I put out the most reassuring smile I have in my repertoire.

"Not now Anna. Let's talk about it later." I tell her nicely. "I can't argue with you both right now" And I think I got away with it when she looks at me and she is very… very angry. My lips tighten.

"Didn't she tell you that?". Asks Olaf even more indictable than she is, reinforcing the dose. "Elsa! This is not something you have to keep secret. You married this girl! It's petty that you lied to her!"

"She didn't lie to me!" Anna exclaims in turn, surprising us both. She holds my arm, with jealousy, and looks at Olaf like he slapped her. "Mind your fucking business nosy boy". She yells and Olaf points a finger on his chest. 

"Nosy boy? Me? How dare you...". He asks, incredulous and offended. Woah… Anna is feisty. I look at them in a panic, fearing the moment they will rally against me. I realize I have entered too deep waters. I immediately raise my finger to clarify the situation, hoping that swimming now is better than drowning, but Anna beats me on time.

"Now fuck off!". She yells, rolling her hands in a fist with the clear intention of punching Olaf. I look at her terrified. She doesn't know who she's going against. When I see Olaf accusing the blow and advancing, I understand this is out of hand. I get in between them, forcing Anna behind me, trying to lighten the situation. 

"Stop fighting. Now! Calm down, both of you!". I command as they fume in rage. I point to the door. "Out, Olaf". I say menacingly. He is the danger in the room. He looks at me furiously and I'm scared he's gonna forget I'm his boss and punch me in the face instead of Anna. "Olaf… go out…". I say, gently and slowly this time, hoping he will understand. "Calm down…". I push my hands pointing to the ground, like he's some rabid dog who has to be tamed. I look at him in the eyes directly. "She's a civilian. You could kill her. Do you understand?" I ask and Olaf loses all the color from his face. He opens his mouth, I shut him up. "You said too much already". I say trying to stay calm, with blood still boiling in my veins. "Now do the job I pay you for: prepare my plane and solve this marriage problem without it resulting in the scandal you fear so much. I give you an hour to find the solution, got it? Please...". I ask. He looks at me and then at Anna and finally he seems to get back with his feet on the ground. He unexpectedly bows.

"Yes, your Majesty." He mumbles with clenched teeth and leaves the room in a stride. Anna looks at me with big eyes as she takes big gulps of air, trying to regain control of herself. I turn to look at her.

"Are you crazy?". I ask when I finally hear the door shut. I turn to her, holding her cheeks in my hands. "Never go against Olaf. He is trained to kill…". I explain and she doesn't answer. She keeps her eyes on the floor, angry and frustrated. "I get it… you wanted to defend me. And that's really sweet of you…". I rub my hands on her cold arms. "...but never do it again. Ok?".

"Ok…". She mumbles, clenching her teeth. "Your majesty…". This I don't like. A chill runs down my back. She's mad at me and I think she's gonna take it on me. "When were you gonna tell me? When we got married already?". She asks with sassiness. "Oh, wait…". Here we go… I raise my hands in defeat.

"No, no. If I recall well, I told you." I retort now. "You're the one who didn't listen to me." I try, but I make the wrong move and Anna doesn't give in.

"It's absurd. I thought you were joking!" She says angrily. I open my hands to show her it's not my fault. She did everything. "You should have told me when we met."

"Ah-ha! Says the liar!". I yell and she looks at me like a deer looks at a car's headlights. 

"You are a liar too!". She points out, pressing a finger on my chest menacingly. I think she's problems with authorities. That's the only explanation possible for her repent insubordination.

"You wouldn't have believed me!" I exhale exasperated and she stomps her feet on the ground.

"Of course not! Would you have believed it?" Anna and I look at each other as minutes pass, then I understand that all this is Olaf's fault and of his long tongue. I am gonna punish him. 

"Yes… I am the queen! That's no strange news for me".

"Don't change the game!". Yells Anna, pointing a finger at my chest again. I've never been menaced before and this is starting to take its toll on me. "You promised you wouldn't lie to me. We said no secrets!".

"But I told you!" I yell pulling my hair back from my face. "You laughed in my face."

"And what else was I supposed to do?" She asks, genuinely confused. "I am a queen!". She mocks me, moving her hands, then opening them to me as a proof. It sounds stupid indeed. I rub my neck. "You should have insisted. Do you really think I'm stupid enough to believe any nonsense, Elsa?

"When you want to...". All I feel is the excruciating pain and the snapping of Anna's hand against my cheek. She's furious. I think this is our first real fight. I'm not used to being treated like this. I see red immediately and I feel the blood boiling. We look at each other for a long time, then I look at the opposite wall, clenching my fists to calm myself down. Nobody treats me like that. I swallow and shake hands, pulling faint trembling breaths. I only look at her when I'm sure I'm in control of myself. "Well, it's done now. You'll have to like it, because there's no turning back." She looks at me angrily, clasping her arms. We look at each other and then she bites her lower lip and turns around, heading for the door. "Where are you going? It's not over yet…!". 

"I am leaving you space!". She screams. "Cause we had a rough night and we're bitchy and I don't want to say things I will regret later!". She scoffs at me, leaving the room and locking it behind her with a thud. I stand there, like an idiot. I managed to get them both away in five minutes. I raise my arms in disbelief and I want to scream with how much breath I have, but I can't. I clench my fists and teeth. _Conceal it, don't feel it, don't let it show._

* * *

I hold my cigarette between my lips and look at the castle of paper cups I'm making on the conference table, with apprehension. Building things has always calmed me down. Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I was too reckless. If such a misunderstanding can so easily undermine my understanding with Anna, how can I expect her to endure everything that comes next? I swallow, breathe a sigh and spit out the smoke like a pensive dragon. I hold another glass on top of the tower with caution, but that, as it touches the others, makes them collapse. With anger I push them all off the table with a slap.

"Still angry, I see." Comments Olaf, who enters the room without being heard with a fold in his hand. "You shouldn't smoke. It’s bad for your health." I don't answer and I keep smoking my cigarette in silence. I don't want to talk to anyone, but he sits in front of me. He places the fold on the table and crosses his fingers on it. He's clutching his lips, and I know he's going to lecture me. “I had a long, difficult conversation with your lawyers and advisers”. He begins calmly. “Then I had to call the mayor, the wedding planner and ask for all the papers”. He sighs, patting his hands on the mahogany. “Turns out…”. 

“The marriage is null”. I say sadly, smoking my cigarette and he seems surprised to hear it from me. 

“So you knew…”. He starts and I shrug my shoulders. Of course I knew. I officiated lots of marriages and I’ve been taught laws since I was five. There are no secrets in law for me. That’s the air I’m breathing. “If you knew, why even try?”. He asks. “You know that you can’t do without the council approval. If they don’t sign, you will never be legally married. Your signs, both yours and the council’s matters nothing, nor here, neither in Arendelle without the other counterpart. Your life is not really yours Elsa, you must know it by now”. I nod. “Then why?”.

“I needed a scam”. I say, truthfully. “I thought that if I had enough evidence I could force them into signing without questions. Turns out it was a stupid idea”. I say and he confirms. 

“They’re too smart to fall for these games”. He confirms. “If you tried you would only enrage them. Nullifying every chance you have of marrying that girl”. He explains. “So I had to cancel every evidence of the fact, before anyone could find out”. My lips tighten. 

“You told her?”. I ask, clearly referring to Anna and he nods. That’s awful. Poor snuppa. “You made Anna rip the contract?”. I ask and he sadly nods.

“We had to burn it. There was no other option. The mayor already cancelled every other proof”. He explains and I nod, knowingly. “I thought it would be funny to put the girl in her place but… turns out it was not. She took it really bad”. He confesses and I can imagine it. I told her to protect that contract with her life… imagine having to burn it! "You know… I've talked to Anna at length. I apologised to her and I found her very open to dialogue. She’s not as bossy as she wants to appear." He says and this confession amazes me. "You tried to marry that girl, for God's sake! What were you thinking?" He asks calmly and I puff the smoke from my nostrils. I don't want to hear what he has to say.

"Do you think I’m making a mistake?" I ask, playing with one of the glasses that are left on the table, with the cigarette still between my lips. "I don't even know her. What am I thinking? This might be the most stupid thing I've ever tried to do". He looks at me carefully, then smiles at me and rests his hand on mine. I look at him with uncertainty.

"You love that girl, right?”. He asks and I shrug not to give away too much information. “She must have had some kind of effect on you...". He intercepts and I sigh and shrug my shoulders. What use can it be now? "Elsa, this is the first time I've heard you say something like that. It’s so unnatural of you. You hate people… why do you want to marry her?". He asks and looks at me. I sigh.

"You want the truth?". He nods, waiting for my answer. "I've been a week with her and… I didn't desire to kill her not even once".

"That's it?". He asks and I confirm. Pretty much. I know it must sound crazy but if he thinks it is, he doesn't mention it. "I'm not saying I'm approving this. In fact this is a big big problem Elsa. One we will have to solve quickly. But putting aside the fact that you're probably going to draw on the ire of every Arendellian citizen, I'm really happy for you." I look at him again in amazement. "I thought about it and realized that you wouldn't have made this choice if you weren't really convinced of what you were going to do. You have to trust your instincts."

"My instincts failed." I mumble and he shakes his head. I let myself be blinded by feelings.

"I wouldn't say." He confesses, while I keep my gaze low, feeling immensely guilty. "You chose her really well. This Anna... She seems like a really good girl. Maybe too much for you. In fact, you definitely don't deserve her." He chuckles. Thank you... that's just what I needed to hear. "She’s sweet, kind and tremendously protective... You won't find anything better, Elsa. Not with your personality and your chances." He says and finally he has my complete attention. "You are going to marry this girl and for some reason I can't imagine, she adores you." He repeats. "And it's your duty to take care of her now. And she's scared, alone, and she's crying in the lobby."

"I already feel guilty enough. What do you want me to do?". I ask, smoking slowly now, almost fearing that I might lose the answer otherwise. "How can I look her in the eyes after this mess? She's going to think I played with her". 

"Put your pride aside and go talk to her." He looks me dead in the eye. "She needs a word of comfort and you have to give it to her. It doesn't matter what the council will say. You have an obligation to take care of her now. You promised." I swallow, I look around and shake my head.

"I can't talk to her now...". I whisper.

"You must." That's the answer. "You have a responsibility, Elsa. You took it consciously." Another responsibility among many. I shake my hands in a vice and I think. I promised I'd take care of her. I swore and I’ll do it, but my own way. I smoke the last cigarette shot and turn it off in the ashtray, standing under Olaf's hopeful gaze.

"Listen… we are tired". I explain. "Anna hasn't slept. She's just steaming out all that happened last night. It's a lot to take in. No big deal. She'll come around when she's ready". He shakes his head.

"You're underestimating the problem". 

"Is the plane ready?" I ask, trying to change the topic, and he looks at me with confusion. Then he laughs.

"Plane?". He asks sardonically. "There is no plane. You lost it yesterday, to run after your girl". He gestures for the door. "The welcome committee has been delayed to tomorrow afternoon. The plane is being checked right now, so we will have another night to fix this mess, before going home". He announces and I cover my eyes. Great. I sigh.

"What do you suggest we do then?". I ask, leaning on the chair.

"Wait". He says. "I sent a request to the council, warning them about your intentions with Anna. I explained the problem. Let's hope they give you permission to announce your engagement". 

"What if they don't?". We both know the answer. I'll have to give up on her. I swallow quietly and brush my hair back with my hand. 

"Then we will decide if you really want to marry her or not. And then… we will have to start a war. You know that". He intercepts and I nod. I know the procedure. "This is not going to end well".

"Then we have to hope they decide to grant us their approval". I say. He nods weakly, trying to figure out where I want to go. "In the meantime I think we all need to sleep it off, Olaf. Find us a place to rest. Talk to Anna. Explain what is happening and ask her if she still wants to be part of this".

"It should be you, asking her that". I ignore him. 

"Let her sleep it off for a couple of hours. She’ll be fine. I'm going to get a different room. Let's give her some space." I say and he looks at me with his eyes barred, as if I just punched him in the stomach.

"Elsa, Anna is not a package... this is not the right way...". Lament Olaf. "I will not be complicit in the stupidity you are demonstrating."

"Then get her a substantial cheque and send her home and we'll pretend nothing happened. What else do you want me to do?". I open my hands, letting him know I have no other solution. "She chose to be here. She knew it wouldn't be simple, but she said yes. If this is that big of a problem for her, that she can't overcome, she's clearly not fit to carry on. She will have her freedom back and I will have a clear conscience." I say and I start slowly towards the door, with his look burning my shoulders. "I'm tired. She has to man up! This game is not fit for children and you know it." Then I can feel his hand grasping my wrist.

"You're petty and cruel." He tells me, and he means it. "You always have been. But I'm not going to let you hurt that girl, okay? You've done something crazy and now you're going to deal with the consequences or you're going to deal with me." He growls and we look at each other for minutes. "Now take your ass to Anna's and apologize to her."

"I love her!". I defend forcefully. "If I always cover for her insecurities she'll be weak and unable to stand against… everyone! She will understand". I intercept, then regain control over the conversation. "You know what?" I ask, taking him by the tie and carrying my lips against his ear. "I know you'd like to be in my place, but here I am the queen." I hiss in his ear and I push him away. "Do as I order you and don’t meddle in my private affairs. Let Anna be. She’s my problem." I growl and leave the room, slamming the door behind me.

* * *

Last night in Corona. Thank God.

This has been the most difficult week ever. I made a mistake after another. It never happened to me before.

I shut the book I was trying to read and set it on the nightstand. I close my eyes, trying to sleep in this big empty hotel room, with my hand on my stomach. The silence is so heavy you could cut it with a knife. 

I need rest but the only thing I can think of is Anna sleeping in the other room. I don't know how she took all of this. I don't even know if she accepted to stay. I couldn't talk to her so Olaf had to do all the work. For all I know she could be going home this exact moment. I sigh. I'm a coward.

I'm ready to fall asleep when I hear the door open. I snap up to see who's trying to break in and as I do it, I see Anna's head poking from the open space left by the door. She looks at me, worriedly. 

"Hey…". I murmur, getting myself into a sitting position, fighting the drowsiness.

"Hey…". She says back, not even trying to enter. "Olaf gave me the keys… can I?". She asks and I gape like a fish. It takes me five minutes but in the end I find the courage to ask her in. She does and closes the door behind her. She's still dressed in my clothes and seems now really tired. She fidgets, nervously. 

"Still not sleeping?". I ask worriedly and she shrugs, playing with her hands and looking at her feet. "I thought you were tired…".

"I am, but… I can't, after what happened today". She confesses and she seems a lot under the water compared to how she was this morning. I gesture for her to come sit near me and she looks around herself, mortified, before accepting. She doesn't seem thrilled by the idea. 

She sits on the bed and then slowly she scoots over, pressing her forehead on my shoulder, exhausted. She sighs trembling and closes her eyes. A long silence falls between us. 

"I'd be happy to kiss you now, if it wasn't for the fact that you refused to see me all afternoon. If it wasn't for Olaf who let me through…”. She mumbles. Olaf took his job as a protector very seriously. Since he made his announcement at the consulate, he hasn't given up on Anna for a second. He even managed to get a reservation in the most ugly hotel and as punishment I was given the smaller room.

“I wanted to give you some space as you asked for… to digest everything”. I say gently and she smiles. “Feeling better?”. I ask. “Have you been able to sleep a bit?”. She shakes her head. 

"Not an inch..." She confesses sincerely, and I breathe a trembling sigh. “Not that I haven’t tried, but… all of this is keeping me awake. I'm restless”. She confesses. The first thing I learned about her was that when she’s upset she can’t sleep, so I’m not surprised to hear this. “I’m sorry I barged in here like this…". She tries. "Wanna talk?". I relax a bit.

"Sure thing, snuppa". I confirm calmly, even if I'm not ready to face her. "What do you want to talk about?". She looks at my cheek red and puffy. If you looked closely you could still see Anna's fingers on my cheek. She touches it and I flinch.

"I am so sorry…". She mumbles, mortified. "I shouldn't have hit you". I shrug as if nothing happened. "I lost patience… everything escalated… I overreacted…". She grimaces. "Are you angry?". 

"Angry? For this?" I ask in disbelief with my mouth open. I scoff and I shake my head. "No, snuppa. Don't worry". I lie. I was. I'm still a bit, to be sincere. I don't like to be slapped. "Are you still… for the 'queen' story?". She nods sadly.

"Yes. That was important, Elsa. You should have been clear about if from the beginning". She murmurs. "It could have changed everything. What if I didn't want to… be involved? You forced me into this and as much as I was prepared for everything, this is still a big surprise". Her words are like a second slap. I gulp down all the air in my lungs. 

"Well… you have a choice. Don't you? The marriage is null, so you still have the faculty to go away if you want to. Do you… want to be involved?". I ask quietly and she doesn't answer, looking at my shirt. "Are you regretting saying yes?". I finally ask, uncovering the cards on the table. She grimaces. Here we are… the moment of truth.

"To the marriage?". She asks. "No… but don't you think this might be too much for me? The 'queen story' I mean… I'm not exactly cut for this". She points at us and she is scared. "I live in a subway and before that… it wasn't better".

"You don't live in a subway anymore". I clear. "And you don't need to be cut for it. No one is asking anything from you. I'm the queen. I'll take care of everything". She pinches my hand and I jump in surprise. "What was that for?". I ask incredulously.

"That's my revenge. You deserve it". She says and I say no with my head and she pinches me again. This time on the cheek and it hurts even more. 

"Christ, Anna!" She doesn't know who she's playing with!

"Say you're sorry for putting me in this horrendous situation". She threatens me and I look at her in disbelief.

"You can't bully me into doing what you want. I stand the higher ground". I complain and she gets ready to pinch me again.

"Try me." She snaps angrily, and I retreat. "Olaf instructed me, and as your princess consort I can do whatever I want with you. Normal rules don’t apply to me. It's part of my rights as a wife to bring you to your senses." She says proudly, pulling her chest out. Stupid Olaf! I pout. "Apologize to me."

"Even if I wanted to, now you've been pinching me I changed my mind. And also… you not my princess consort yet...". I say, sticking my tongue out for her. 

"And who's the fault for that?". She asks, offended. "I remember saying yes to a fraud marriage". I groan in pain. She knows exactly where to hit. She's awfully good at guilting. We look at each other for a long time and I finally hear her burst into a crystal clear laugh. I look at her confused, fearing I missed something. "Olaf is right. You're a child." She says and points her index finger under my nose in a menacing manner. "Apologize, Elsa." She insists, and I look at my hands.

"You're lucky you’re so damn cute."

"You'd have preferred I stayed home instead of coming here with you?" She asks and I swallow. I don't answer and I'm still staring at my fingers. I'm afraid she's going to pinch me and I close my eyes, retracting, but her hand unexpectedly stops on mine and squeezes it. I look at her in surprise as she crosses her fingers with mine. "You don't have to be tough with me. This isn't you. It's all right. I'm Anna, remember?”. She announces and I nod weakly like a faithful dog. That's the effect Anna does to me. "You misbehaved... do you realize that?"." She asks and I nod again. "Do you want to apologize for it?"

"No...".

"We're at a standstill, then." She says and I look at her puzzled. "What do you suggest we do, your majesty?". We look at each other for a long time. I don't really know what to answer. I bite my lips and I still remain silent. "Well. You have your whole life to think about it and I'm not in a hurry." She says offended, letting go of my hand. 

“Are you going to bring this up at your convenience every time we’ll fight?”. I ask and she confirms without any resentment. I look at her and I think about it. It's just an apology Elsa… "I'm sorry… ok? I'm sorry". I swallow slowly. "I'm sorry for not telling you my position and I'm sorry for the marriage. I needed that piece of paper. My situation is actually really difficult, I didn't want to fraud you". She nods.

"Olaf told me". She says and that's it. 

"Can we make a truce, now?" I ask uncertainly, clasping my fingers and she looks at me as if she hasn't heard the question. 

"Admit you're a stinky brain". She asks to me and I look at her as if a second head grew on her shoulder. 

"Pardon?". I ask confusedly. "I'm not a stinky brain". I see that her lips become a thin line. She takes the hem of my shirt and pulls me to her, looking at me at centimeters away. She looks at me intensely. Are we flirting now? I'm not sure. She's confusing me.

"Yes, you are. Now come here. I want to kiss you". Is her answer and this is not what I was expecting. I smile and stay still as a statue. I want to know where she wants to go with this. 

"Do you want to kiss? You called me a stinky brain, just now". Is my genuinely confused question. "That's not very nice of you, Anna...". She shrugs. Long minutes of silence pass until I feel that she loses patience.

"I am you queen, come here…". She plays, feigning ignorance and I laugh. 

"I am fairly sure, that's not how it works". I boop her nose with my finger. "You should still go to sleep a bit. I just want for you to take you time to figure things out". She shakes her head and I stay still, looking at her. 

"I'm fine. I'll sleep when all of this is over". Is her answer then she rushes into explaining. "I hoped we would talk about what we're gonna do now. Figure things out together". She says, leaning on the bedpost, caressing my hand with her fingers. "Do you think I am an idiot? You've been tense as a spring all day". She looks at me dead in the eye and I can't but shake my head.

"Sorry… worrying you was really not my intention". I defend, but she doesn't move, and that makes me anxious. I do everything not to look at her and I focus on a stain on the duvet on the bed. I take a deep breath. Like tearing a Band-Aid. "How are you coping with everything? Is this too fast for you? I should have asked before. I tried..." I say it all in one breath. "Anna...". She chuckles.

"I am fine". She says back smiling. “You are the one who's freaking out”. I nod, not looking at her and she shrugs, getting comfortable on the mattress. 

"I have my reasons." I say without hesitation. I don't know why I do it. Maybe to retain what little power I have left over her. I've been too reckless towards her. I have to make amends. 

"You’ve been strange all day. I didn’t want to bring it up, because I thought you needed time to process everything, but I feel something is up and it’s not only the marriage. Do you… want to tell what it is?”. She asks and I sigh weakly, staring at the floor and turning my thumbs and swallowing. "You're silent. It wasn't the reaction I expected." At last I look up. Her eyes are shiny and flushed and her lips are shaking.

"I'm sorry. I think this is gonna be more difficult than I preventivated. I am terrified Anna, and if I am… I can’t imagine how you must feel right now" I say and I'm honest. I'm sorry to see her in this state. "If you want to leave... now is the time to ask. Take back your freedom."

"No." She says and I look at her in disbelief. "I'm not leaving. Not now nor ever." She says it with confidence and that scares me. She read me through as if I'm transparent and that's not good at all. "Do you doubt me, Elsa?" She asks and looks at me straight in the eye now. "I care for you, and I know you care for me too. I don't need you to tell me. I was prepared to marry you and I know you need me, so I'm also willing to put a smile on my face if I need to and pretend everything's okay. I know you're testing me to prove my conviction and I stay where I am." She says pointing a finger at the mattress forcefully. I sigh. "But you must keep your promises, Elsa. You have to be honest with me. Will you always tell me the truth?".

"Yes."

"All the truth?" She asks. This moment will decide the fate of my relationship with Anna and define me for the wife I want to be. Be honest or lie? I think about it for a long time. I bite my lips.

"Yes". I answer back and she smiles proudly.

“Good…”. She opens her arms for me to hug her. I scoot up and make her happy. She kisses me and holds me in her arms for minutes. This is really reassuring. I relax in her embrace. “We are gonna make it”. She murmurs in my ear and I nod, convincing myself. “It will be fun”. 

“It will not”. I intrcept but she doesn’t believe me. I push her away gently. “Now go rest somewhere else. You distract me and I need to think about our next moves”. She chuckles and shakes her head. 

“Don’t think too much. You’re gonna stress yourself”. She says, closing her eyes and stopping moving. She decided my bed is gonna be her bed. Fantastic. I grimace, but in the end I smile. She's forceful but the good kind. I brush away a tuft of hair from her forehead. I kiss it and then I let her sleep, staying still and silent. She's so cute when she sleeps. 

In the same instant she finally falls asleep, a message comes in with the sound of a bell. I retrieve my cell phone from my pocket and look at it. It's not even midnight yet, but Olaf is up apparently and he has news. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for supporting sex and candy. This will be the last chapter for august. We'll see reach other again in September. Have some nice holidays.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

  
  


**We know better**

  
  


-They have accepted a meeting-. Is the content of the message. I smile broadly. Really? I can't believe it. The possibilities that this would happen were so near to zero a part of me had already given up. 

I look at Anna who's sleeping soundly and I caress her hair. She scratches her nose and rolls on her other side, ignoring completely what's happening. I hurry to message back.

-A real meeting or a 'I'm gonna show you how little you're worth' meeting?-. I ask and the message comes in immediately.

-Who do you take me for?- He asks. -They want to meet Anna-.

-How did you do it?- 

-Better not say…-. Is the answer and I immediately know he did something illegal. I gulp down. -Appreciate my efforts. Go back to sleep and prepare yourself for tomorrow-. I nod and obey putting the cellphone away.

Anna is sleeping, giving me her back. She's snoring lightly and I really don't want to wake her up. She must be so tired… the poor snuppa. So I lay on the bed, caressing her cheek, spooning her. Then I hug her and kiss her shoulder forcing my leg between hers. Surprisingly she chuckles.

"Keep kissing me. I like it". She murmurs in her sleepy voice and I smile evilly. 

"So you were awake. You naughty girl". I chuckle, keeping on kissing her neck. She opens her eyes and looks at me above her shoulder. “I thought you were tired and you wanted to sleep”. I whisper in her ear and she chuckles, turning to look at me and hugging my shoulders affectionately. 

“That was the plan, but then you started kissing me…”. Anna laments and I hum in understanding. She reaches to kiss my neck and I shiver. “So… there’s a reason you’re so happy or it’s just me?”. Anna asks, taking again her space and I brush back a strand of hair from her forehead. 

“I might have news”. I say and she nods, waiting for me to explain. “Olaf wrote and he announced that we got a meeting”. Anna doesn’t seem surprised as I did. She clearly doesn’t know what we obtained, but maybe it’s better like that. She won’t feel under pressure, when the moment comes.

“That’s good babe”. Anna sighs. “So…”. She says smiling allusively, pressing a finger on my chest. “Should we do something to celebrate this victory? I don’t know...”. She asks, kissing my lips and I laugh, pushing her away. 

“Yes… we enjoy our last real night of sleep”. I say, force her head on the pillow, before giving her my back. “Goodnight”. She groans and I keep myself from smiling.

“I hate when you pull this sarcastic persona. You’re lucky I’m too tired to retort, but tomorrow I shall have my revenge”. She mumbles, pressing her back against mine, while I turn off the light. Five minutes and she’s back snoring. I would love to keep her awake and have fun, but I know what’s expecting us and I know we need to sleep or we will definitely fail. So I close my eyes too and try to sleep, hoping I’ll get there as fast as I can. If my brain keeps on working I’ll regret it in the morning. 

* * *

At seven in the morning something is up. Steps fill the corridor and there are voices, ruining my precious sleep. But that sense of uncomfort is nothing compared to the one I feel when that happens. A woman, suddenly and without consent, opens the door of the room, entering and scaring us awake. At first I think it’s a burglar and I snap up in terror, ready to act, but then I see the woman who’s barged in. 

“Oh my god! Get out! Who are you?!”. Anna screams and, in her sleep, she grabs the lamp and is ready to throw it, but I stop her, touching her hand. She looks at me in confusion and I take the offending object from her hand, to avoid her from hurting herself. 

"Merida what are you doing here?". I ask, calmly, placing the lamp at its right place, while Anna’s eyes snap open in confusion. Merida bows quietly and respectfully. This morning she’s dressed in her civilian clothes, meaning she’s not here in her official capacity.

"She's Merida?!". Asks Anna incredulously, pointing at the woman and ogling her. I notice how Anna looks at her, but I say nothing about it. I have no time to deal with Anna’s jealousy now. 

"I'm here because Olaf is slacking off and we need to get this thing going”. Is Merida’s answer. “Come on, your majesty, get up, please”. The woman suggests, pointing at the door in a nervous and hasty way. “Your entourage is waiting for you. We need to get you ready for the trip. You can't get inside the country dressed like that and we have not much time left". I groan and I cover my face. The time has finally come for me to go back to my life. What a terrible way to wake up. 

Merida, thank God, is not one for gossip, but I see she’s looking at Anna out of curiosity and I know for sure she will soon ask about her. 

“Okay…”. I sigh, getting up and Anna stares at me, in confusion, as if she’s trying to understand what to do. I motion for her to get up as well and she obeys. “What does our schedule for this morning implies?”. I ask, sitting and putting my shoes on, while Anna does the same. 

“A bath, a dress fitting and a makeover… for the both of you”. Announces Merida, staying absolutely still and I look at Anna in confusion.

“Her too?”. I ask and Merida nods.

“Olaf’s orders”. The woman says and now I know for sure, he’s up to something. I get up and Anna mirrors me in apprehension. I start for the door, but Merida stops me. "This week has done you wrong, your majesty". She laments, hitting my shoulders and my neck with her hand. Anna pales. "Get your back straight! No slouching! Head up! No smile". I do exactly as she says and in the end I'm rigid like a soldier and straighten like a violin bow, looking in front of myself. 

"Ehi! Don't mistreat her or I'll punch you!". Anna opposes, showing her fists, but Marida throws a glance at her and laughs at her possessiveness.

"And who might you be, miss?". Merida asks and Anna pouts.

"I'm her fiancee…". Tries Anna quietly, as if she doesn't want to be heard. I think she's scared Merida will react like Olaf. But she doesn't. She immediately searches for a confirmation from me.

"She's very protective and defensive". I joke to Merida, just for the sake to make Anna embarrassed and even more jealous. I see her blush and look at me in anger and I smile proudly. I won. Merida looks at me and as she sees me confirming, she slaps Anna on her crossed arms.

"If you want people to believe you're a princess you have to be more convincing". Merida complains. "Your shirt is messy! No crossing arms and stop glaring at me! That's very unladylike!". Anna doesn't know how to retort and pouts. I smile. Finally someone who was able to put her in her place. 

"This week might have done me wrong, but your mother clearly did worse to you". I joke, keeping my head straight and my smile concealed. Merida smiles.

"That's why I enjoy my job… I get to do to others what she did to me. It feels very rewarding". She answers and we both smile. Anna clearly doesn't understand the inside joke. "Now, hurry up… we ain't got much time". I look at Anna and nod for Merida to precede us. 

When we're left alone, I smile at Anna. I have to talk to her now, before she has the possibility to panic.

"Nervous, snuppa?". I ask, holding her hand in mine and she bites her lips. It's not a yes and neither a no. "If ever you feel nervous, you just tell me. I'm gonna fix it". She doesn't seem convinced. "It's gonna end soon. Come on…". Then I nudge her and guide her out of the room. 

* * *

  
  


When we enter the bathroom Elsa pales. There are a lot of people inside, waiting for Elsa. Apparently the room is big enough to contain all of them. They grab her by her arms, not giving her, nor me, time to oppose. They raise her by weight and put her on a stool. She has only the time to look at me mortified, while they hold her still. And just like that they start undressing her. 

It's nothing I haven't seen yet, but the way they strip her of her clothes in front of everyone so naturally, makes me really uncomfortable. Elsa redden in embarrassment as they get her naked. Completely naked. I blush and avert my eyes. I can see the profound distress in her eyes and discomfort, but she doesn't even try to cover herself. She must be used to it and that explains a lot. How in fact, seen her monstrous insecurity and shyness, she got in the nude in front of me the first time, without a second thought. 

They force her inside the tub, washing her and her hair at the same time, to the last cell on her body. I can see her suffering. She closes her eyes to not see what's happening and I grimace. I don't have time to oppose, when they get me too. 

"Oh my God!". I scream, trying to free myself. "No! Stop! I can undress myself! I need my privacy!". But no one listens to me and I try Elsa's discomfort on my own skin. 

They wash us, cleaning us to the bone and then they take us out and dry us. Me and Elsa don't even look at each other in the eyes, so embarrassed we are. She is red in the face, but me… I feel like exploding. 

When they are done they take us to separate rooms to get us dressed. Elsa doesn't say a word before disappearing in her room and I can totally understand her. It surprises me when they hand me my old clothes and leave the room. I have to admit I've never felt more happy to be left alone for a while. I immediately understand that they won't fix us here. I get dressed and when I get out Elsa and her entourage are already there. They fit her in a short pink dress, but not so extraordinary. 

I run to her and she looks at me, lowering her eyes from the height of her tall stature. She is standing as straight as a fiddle, looking in front of herself not moving her head and holding her hands. She looks angry. Not a hint of emotion in her eyes, but then suddenly she smiles at me, for a brief second before turning serious again as if to reassure me she's not acting like this because she's angry at me. And that's obvious. This must be her queenly persona. I have to admit she looks very regal… and sexy. I would totally bone her now. 

With this thought in mind I smile and I bow, clumsily. She must see the danger shining in my eyes because she raises her eyebrows in confusion and after a moment of uncertainty she mirrors my bow, lowering her head for a second. Hers though is perfect. Years of practice, probably. She then blushes terribly, clears her throat in embarrassment and starts walking slowly down the corridor as to run away from me. Everyone follows her immediately. We have been together enough for her to perfectly know my sex face. She must have understood everything. Of course walking this slowly won't get her far. I chuckle. Following her. 

Of course I didn't expect for us to be divided in two different cars. She gets on hers as fast as she can and I have to divide mine with Merida and Olaf. Not that I don't like it but, this would have been the best moment to make her pay for the last night accident. I pout and cross my arms. 

"Where are we going?". I ask, to no one in particular.

"To the airport". Is the immediate unison answer. "We'll finish to get you prepared on the plane". Oh, that's surprising. 

"You have a dress for me?". I ask and Olaf smiles. 

"We have more than that… you'll see". He says and now I feel curious on what they are planning to do to me. 

The drive doesn't last long and we are immediately taken to the airport. The cars enter the plane hangar where a private jet is waiting for us. When I get off and I immediately search for Elsa but she gets escorted inside and I feel I won't see her soon. I sigh. I should have imagined she would be monopolized. Olaf immediately understands my predicament and pats a hand on my shoulder.

"If you'll be a good girl I will let you see her. Now let's go". He says, showing me the way and I nod walking with my head down. 

* * *

  
  


I put my long, queenly dress sleeves up in a very unqueenly way. The crown on my combed hair keeps on slipping off my head, making the bangs on my forehead cover my eyes and I have to fix it for the umpteenth time with a huff. I have heavy medals on my chest, and I feel uncomfortable. I swallow and look in the mirror. My hairs are pulled up in a complex chignon and only the bangs cover my forehead. The long gown falls on my shiny black shoes. And the jacket on the dress is terribly uncomfortable.

I feel sick. Here we go again. I don't want to go back and start everything from the beginning. Yet this is necessary, if I want the plan to run smoothly as I planned it. I swallow and try to tie my traditional purple band to my waist, with a trembling hand, but I can't. I'm too nervous. I hear footsteps and puff.

"Olaf...". I say, without looking at the someone who just walked in and I focus on the mirror. "Make sure Anna’s ready. I predict a turbulent landing, and none of us want her to fail in her first public appearance, right? She must be perfect or the journalists will eat her alive."

"Don't worry, Olaf instructed me." A voice says, and I'm petrified. "Can I help you?" Asks Anna's voice and I immediately turn to send her back, when I'm electrocuted. I have to look at her twice to make sure she's really in front of me. She wears high heels, an elegant green dress that reaches her feet and has her hair free, down her shoulders, straight and brushed. But the most spectacular thing they did about her is the makeup: her aquamarine eyes are huge and her lips... I mouth wordless, while she stretches out her hands to tie my band, without waiting for my answer. I was scared she would look too young and frail, but seen this… well... 

"Ehi… what're you doing here?". I ask, clearing my throat. My voice is undeniably trembling and my hands are shaking. She notices it and smiles. Her perfect teeth appear more white underneath that red lipstick. 

"You don't have to be nervous." She says and I moan, blushing to the tip of my ears. "How do I look...?". She asks, and I look at her open-mouthed, letting out just a little cry. She laughs. I nod weakly. I'd like to tell her she's beautiful and I think she looks like a princess, but I don't have the guts. "Thank you." She says, as if she understands my answer. "You're fine, too". She helps me with my uniform, even fixing my jacket and my crown in place. I let her, standing still and in silence. "Maybe too fine…". She whispers in my ear and I feel a little electric jolt cross my back. "I think I like you all so stiff and powerful". She jokes and I feel her lips in my neck. I startle, surprised. "Have they ever told you the crown makes you really sexy?". She asks, but I'm so in a panic I don't even have the strength to laugh. I push her gently away. 

"Anna… someone could see us". I say but she shakes her head. 

"I closed the door… no one is gonna interrupt us". She breathes and she kisses me. I don't have the time to enjoy it because it's brief and quick. I expected something more, and when she takes her distance I bite my lips longingly. "I won't ruin your makeup". She says. "And also you need to be punished for last night. You are welcome". She makes an ungainly and uncertain bow, returning to the self I know. I smile and I chuckle. That minx. 

"You're a brat…". I groan and she seems damned satisfied by herself. "Tonight when we're home. I'll teach you how to behave". I say, looking at myself in the mirror. She shakes her shoulders as if she doesn't care. "What did you want to tell me?". 

"Olaf sent me to tell you to get ready and I wanted to check on you". She confesses. "You seemed a bit unhappy this morning. I wanted to be sure you're okay, before we arrive". I sigh and I nod. "You're too quiet".

"You'll see me quiet, often, snuppa". I say. "I'm not allowed to talk much in my country. It's not respectful for a queen to engage in meaningless conversations". 

"This is absurd". She chuckles and I would love for it to be a joke. But it's not. "So are you gonna be this sad all the time". She asks and I raise my eyebrows. "I mean… you are a queen. You should be happy".

"More than a queen I feel like a prisoner". I say mortified and she makes a face.

"You hate your position that much, do you?". She asks.

"It's not exactly like that. You'll see". I say cryptically. Little she knows what a queen's life is like. "The truth is the Elsa you met in Corona doesn't really exist in Arendelle. In my country I'm the queen'. A coward, silent, ghost-like queen". She smiles.

"You're nothing like that". She says and I look at her in surprise. No one ever told me that, but that doesn't matter anyway. 

"Anna… I must leave Elsa behind… you understand that?". I ask and she looks at me in confusion. "I can't act like this in my country… they would think I'm weak. My public image would be ruined". She looks at me.

"Is this gonna change what's between us?". I smile and caress her cheek, with the back of my index.

"No… I'm still me… in private". Anna nods, understanding. 

"Then I don't care". She says and I feel a bit reassured. "You're not your job, Elsa". She says and I chuckle. Well… actually I literally am my job, but I understand where she's going. 

"How did I survive all this time without you?". I feel like saying and she seems satisfied. 

"I don't know… but I think if you don't get ready for the landing, Olaf will make you find it out". She jokes, flattening my dress's sleeves. This makes me even more mischievous. I hug her, kissing her cheek.

"Let him wait… Why don't we get some steam out in the closet? You closed the door…". I and she immediately frees herself. 

"No… don't even think about it". She scolds. "Keep your hands for yourself. It took three hours to get me at this point". She says pointing at herself. "And I want to be pristine for when we arrive". 

"And I think it's gonna happen soon if Olaf sent you?". I say and she confirms. "Ok, fine. Thank you for informing me". 

"Your welcome, your majesty". She jokes, bowing again. "Now I need to go. They are choosing my heels". I pale looking at her.

"Isn't that too much?". She seems unconvinced. "Have you ever worn heels?". 

"No… but Olaf says it's necessary. I'm too short next to you. He says I would look like a child". I'm not sure it's a good idea, but I say nothing. I wouldn't want to make her nervous when she's so serene. I just smile and shrug. 

"Okay, go get your shoes then. I'll see you out". She obeys sending me another kiss. She's too cute for her own safety. Will I be able to make her happy?

* * *

"So, are you ready?" Olaf asks in front of the plane's tailgate. It's time to get on stage and I don't feel ready. My hands are shaking and I'm sweating cold. I don't have the courage to look at Anna, while Olaf fixes my jacket collar, in fear she will see my terror and get nervous. The mood is heavy and funereal. Neither of us mention wanting to open our mouths and Olaf, sighs resignedly. "Remember that you must be convincing. Just one mistake and everything will go to hell. A scandal will break out and God knows what will happen. If you want to keep your head on your neck you have to be perfect. All clear?" Insists the man and I swallow, I put myself in front of the tailgate and I get myself straight like a spindle. I breathe a trembling sigh and hope no one notices my sweaty makeup.

"Open, Olaf." I order and he nods to one of the escort girls to obey. The tailgate opens and I get assaulted by voices and flashes. I'm off for a second. I had forgotten how unpleasant is to be greeted by flashes. Olaf precedes me out offering his hand for me and just then I find the courage to take it and step forward and go out in the faint evening light. I try to stay serious as I raise my right hand to greet the journalists who shout questions to me, which I ignore at all. They know about Anna: they ask about the mysterious girl I've been caught with at the pub and about the annulment of the marriage with my suitor, Hans Westergaard. I hear someone ask about my trip, hinting that I was gone for a week, a clear sign that Olaf didn't do his job quite well, but it doesn't matter. That's exactly what I was waiting for. I already know how to justify my absence.

I raise both of my hands, gently, into the general direction of the crowd, to shut them up, and they actually obey. I don't even need to open my mouth to do it. A deep silence follows and even flashes go quiet for a second and I am happy our plan is working exactly as we calculated. I clear my throat and I can feel the substance in the air. I speak so little in public they must be feverish right now. 

"Jeg har en overraskelse til dere (I have a surprise for you)". I say, trying to stay composed and calm and they still, as if paralyzed. I see Anna look at me in confusion. She doesn't understand what I'm saying and her expression is so exhilarating I can't hide my smile. I hope the journalists don't notice it. "Du vil elske dette (You will love this)". I recite as the script said. "Jeg vil at du skal møte noen (I want you to meet someone)". I keep shouting and I see someone write my words to probably reuse them in the newspapers in the morning. "Er du nysgjerrig på det? (Are you curious about it?)". There are some yes, shouted in the middle of the crowd. 

I stop on the platform and turn to the dark and hidden tailgate. I look Anna in the eyes. Her eyes are big and scared. She doesn't look at me. She's looking straight at the paparazzi. An absent and unhappy look. I reach out to help her out, and she ignores me, totally absorbed by the shouting and the crowd. She must be freaking out. I can hear her heart going crazy even from here. I hope she won't puke on my shoes in front of everyone. 

Apparently she doesn't want to take my hand and this, I'm sure will evolve into the first pas faux of the evening. Then Olaf has to notice my situation, because he gives her a little nudge. Anna starts up with a jump, collects herself as if she has slept until now and looks at me, taking my hand fast and letting herself be helped to get down and under the lights, to be seen by everyone.

I think it all went smoothly, until she stumbles, ending up straight in my arms. We look at each other embarrassed, blushing and she immediately pulls to her feet, standing upright. I knew those stupid heels were a bad idea. The paparazzi are too astonished of seeing her and busy roaring in surprise to take photos, but I know for a fact that two lines will surely be spent to remind everyone of what happened and my heart is squeezed in a vice. Poor Anna. I hope she won't feel too humiliated. The journalists look at us shouting so loudly I can't define what they're saying. I help Anna on the platform and push her in front of me, presenting her to everyone.

"Det er Anna". I announce, my hands on her shoulders. "Kjæreste min. Vi skal gifte oss. Og du er den første som vet det". Journalists start yelling questions immediately. Flashes blind us and I think I did a good job. I lean on Anna, whispering in her ear. "Say hi, Anna. They are talking to you…". Anna beams and says hi with her hand, shaking it in a childish and too happy way. She's presenting herself as the exact opposite than me. She's too bubbly to be contained. I was terrified she would do something like this, but the crowd seems to love her. We are lucky. I help her down the stairs. When we get to the clearing, I take her hand and raise it.

The riot breaks out, as was supposed to happen. Everyone screams and asks questions and wants to know a piece of the story, but I raise my hands and shut them up. "If the council approves of her, the wedding will be officially announced shortly. Thank you for your welcome". I say and bow. Anna looks at me and immediately does the same, uncertain. I take her arm under mine and then with a huge smile and slow pace I let her through transennials to a limousine. Olaf opens the door for us and I let her go up, following her. When Olaf closes the door behind me and the car leaves I know that my ordeal has just begun.

"What's the plan?" Anna asks, her voice full of emotion, resting her head against the window. I can hear her heart still beating furiously from here.

"Let's pretend to be engaged until the council gives us the blessing. We have to win people's hearts first. Then we'll get married again and this time, I hope definitely." I say without enthusiasm and we both breathe a faint sigh.

"It sounds funny." No, it doesn't. Not in the precarious emotional state we're in right now. "Will you be forced to woo me or will we jump directly to the point?" She asks, and I shake my head.

"I promised to protect you. Not to woo you." I say and she snorts.

"Not that you've done a great job so far." She complains and I grimace in pain.

"That's low." I say and she chuckles. She seems happy under all that fear. "We did a great job tonight. I'm sure they will love you in no time, because you were lovely tonight". I say, taking and kissing her hand and so the conversation closes. I look at her and I'm happy she's with me. This is the most relaxed I've ever been in front of a crowd. She does me well. I shake her hand, crossing our fingers. She smiles and leans her head on my shoulder. 

* * *

"Snuppa…". I hear whispering, and I moan sleepily. "Snuppa, we're here. Try and resist 'til we're in your bed". I feel someone picking me up from the seat. I throw my arms around her neck while she raises me by force. She's strong and she holds me as if I don't have weight at all. 

"Is she sleeping?". Asks Olaf following us to the front door of the house. I can't keep my eyes open so I don't see it. Elsa takes me in.

"The last days have been a lot for her". She defends. "You should have let her rest this afternoon as I asked you to". I hear voices, but I'm too busy feigning to be in a coma to care. 

"How could I know she would suddenly be knocked out like that?". Olaf asks in his own defence. I hear steps and murmuring. Some time later Elsa lays me down on something soft, that smells nice. I groan happily, hugging the pillow and I hear her smile. She brushes my hair behind my ear. "It's not safe for you two to sleep together…". Says Olaf in a whisper. His voice is quiet and far. "...the servants are already as surprised as they could be. They'll start talking if they see you share a room and that's not the image we want to give out. The news of your engagement is still too fresh… too unexpected. We should be discreet".

"I can't leave her alone in here. She would freak out". 

"Then find a solution… we can't risk a scandal". I lose my senses as they talk, forgetting about half of the conversation. 

"Snuppa". The voice is so near now I jump up in fear. I look directly in Elsa's big blue eyes. "I'm going to sleep in the other room. If you need me…". I groan and push away her face with my hand, annoyed. 

"Yeah, ok. Fuck off now. Let me sleep". I grumble and she chuckles. I hear her going. I'm so tired I don't even care. 

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

  
  


When I wake up the next morning, I unconsciously pat the other side of the mattress to find Elsa and I jump up like a spring, when I don't feel her next to me. I am so tired I can't even open my eyes, but my hands can't find her. The bed is as cold as it could be. She hasn't slept with me.

"Els?". I ask in the dark, in a panic, but she doesn't answer. "Els, where are you?". Nothing. I finally find the strength to sit and open an eye. I look around myself. I'm in a big empty room, on a big bed and I'm completely alone and naked. And here is the question… What happened last night? I can't remember. Then I notice the small post-it on the nightstand next to me. I take it.

_Waiting for you downstairs for breakfast, snuppa._ It says and at the end of the sentence there's a little skew heart. It's so ugly that it makes me think she's never drawn one before. And this makes me smile. The mighty queen doesn't know how to draw a heart. Hilarious. 

And with the post-it there's a map. I open it, expecting for it to be like a paper sheet, with directions drawn on it but when I open it, it's more like a country road map. It opens and it's printed on plastified paper and it's big and it covers nearly all the bed. Damn, wtf?

I turn it and roll it, trying to understand what's the verse of reading. Then I get frustrated. I ball it up, toss it away and get up from the bed. I will find the dining room or I will die trying. I see a pair of denim and a cotton shirt on the dresser. I jump in them and I exit the room still barefoot. 

"God morgen, Princesse". Says a maid, seeing me entering the corridor, and I might not understand Norwegian, but this is pretty clear. Am I a princess now? Like in a Disney movie? She smiles and bows and I do the same in an unpleasant to the eye way. She notices I'm not used to bowing and I can see in her eyes that I've been discovered. There's some disappointment there, but she doesn't mention it and neither stops smiling. But I know… I feel it in my heart, I will be the laughing stock of the maids all day. Great performance, Anna. I clear my voice. 

"Good morning". I say and I start to go, but I notice I made the second pas faux of the day. I don't speak Norwegian. This time I see in the maid's eyes the judgement and consequently I ask myself: is it supposed that as a princess I should know Norwegian? How many languages does a princess speak? Am I failing at something already? Am I a failure?

She smiles at me and a second after she runs away, leaving me there in total dismay. I look in the direction she disappeared and I gulp down my uneasiness. That I am not fit for this place and position… that's not a surprise. I grew up in a poor neighborhood and all of this wealth, although it's not unpleasant per se, makes me feel like a potato in a basket of cabbages. 

I walk around without no direction for ten minutes straight, and then I suddenly hear a familiar voice coming from one of the rooms. I open the door a little and I peek inside. I finally found them. 

Elsa is sitting at the head of a long table and Olaf is sitting next to her on one side. She's again not dressed as the Elsa I know. She's the queen now. She's wearing a long green dress, she's got make-up on, she also has her hair tied and has her tiara on her head. I feel uncomfortable being dressed this casual. Even Olaf is in a suit. 

The table is completely full of neatly sprawled newspapers, one beside the other. She is looking at them in a serious manner, choosing what to read next. She points at a couple of newspapers and Olaf places them in front of her in a line so she can read them. She looks at every title carefully, smiling and from the way she does it I know she finds them extremely funny. She points at the first.

"The Arendelle's Post says: 'ready for a surprise? The queen announces her marriage'. Solemn as always". She reads then takes another. "The Crowner: 'Queen engaged. It was about time'. Their articles are getting more and more daring, are they?". Then she passes to another. "The Arendaylle: 'Lesbian women revolting'". She reads and apparently this picks her interest. Her eyebrows frown so she keeps on reading in the article. "Today, it was a sour day for lesbian Arendellians to wake up in. Apparently the queen announced her marriage and the groom might not be the one expected. The news ran fast in the kingdom and it sparked some flames among the queen's most faithful fans. The head of Arendellian's queer party affirmed: If the queen is a lesbian she must choose an Arendellian". Elsa grimaces. "Hm… maybe not. This could easily make our position difficult". They both chuckle but I don't understand why. "This is not what I was expecting". She confesses. 

"Well there are also negative ones". Olaf defends. "The Commoner's, says: 'Scandalous announcement... The queen is a deviant'. Some also say you're trying to win consensus among the minorities and that could really put you in a bad position with the most conservative side of the country". Elsa shrugs. 

"I'm trying to win no one over. But even if I were… what would be wrong with it? Also, some of the bad ones are Republicans… it's their job to discredit us. What is important is that our monarchists took it fairly well. And you know how difficult they are to please and appease. I can keep my head on a little longer apparently". They smile, then Elsa notices me on the door and her smile becomes larger. "Ehi, snuppa. You made it". She says. Olaf turns and looks at me too. 

"Am I intruding Els… ahm… your majesty?". I ask, finally opening the door and Elsa smiles in confusion at me, as if she's asking herself why I am being so formal. She shakes her head and reaches a hand for me. I enter the room, close the door behind me and take it. She has really cold hands today but they are still soft. She pulls me at her and makes me sit on her legs. I redden in embarrassment, but neither her nor Olaf seem to be embarrassed by the situation as me. 

"Elsa, boundaries". He just reminds her and she obeys with a grimace, opening a chair for me and making me sit. I feel better now that I am on my own. I've got the impression that all the castle is staring at me, waiting for my pas faux and I don't want to please it. I grip my hands, trying to diffuse the tension but Elsa sees it. As quick-witted as she is, she immediately understands something isn't right. 

"So…". Elsa starts in a whisper, placing a hand on mine gently and then she forces me to open them to cross our fingers in the most reassuring way she can muster. She smiles at me with her pristine white teeth. She must be a mind reader, there is no other explanation. "How did you sleep?". She asks quietly, keeping her blue eyes pointed at me. She's trying to look calm and smiley but I can see the concern in the back of her eyes. 

"Pretty well…". I murmur, looking at my knees and I see her nod and search for my eyes again. Her thumb is gently caressing the back of my hand. She grins but she doesn't seem convinced. 

"Pretty well… uh?". She asks, as to search for a confirmation, but as I don't answer her worry becomes a bit more evident. Neither of us want to open a case on the fact that she didn't sleep with me last night. That's not why I feel so blue today, but she seems to be bored by it somehow. "So why do you seem so sad this morning?". She asks and I shake my head. I can't tell her I feel out of place. She would be offended, probably. "Olaf, can you leave us, please?". She asks and I immediately raise my head in confusion.

"There is no need…". I try, but she shushes me, placing her index on my lips. Olaf looks at the both of us, immediately shaking his head. 

"I can't. You know the protocol. I can't leave you two alone in the castle until you're married". He answers quietly and Elsa groans. She looks at me apologetically and I nod sadly. Yeah… I did expect this somehow. 'It's ok', I mimic with my lips, smiling sadly. She doesn't seem happy about it. She brushes a tuft of hair behind my ear. I let her. Then she gets closer and presses her lips on my temple. I think this is her way to say sorry for whatever she thinks she's done. 

"Today I would like to show you the kingdom and present you to some people. I just want for you to see what you're gonna buy, marrying me. Do you… want to go for it?". She asks quietly, keeping close and looking at me in the eye, worried and I think about it. I don't feel like it, but she seems to be excited about it. She seems to care and so I nod lightly. "Are you sure? We can… postpone it…".

"It's fine. Let's go". I answer. "It's not like I have something better to do. And as long as I'm with you, it's ok". I'm already at fault for being a fraud. Missing my appointments would only make me a coward too. 

"This is all very romantic, but…". Olaf starts, fishing out an agenda from his jacket pocket. Then he opens it and checks something on it. "Elsa, today you're free from three to three-thirty. So if you want to see the entire kingdom you must be quick". Elsa pales and looks at him in confusion.

"Are you serious? In half an hour I can't even get out of the castle. You said I was free this afternoon". She opposes but then he shakes his head. She seems horrified by the news. I can see the disappointment on her face. I think she really wanted to take me on a tour. 

"That was before the plan changed. Apparently you have a very important meeting with the council this afternoon". Olaf says and Elsa's face passes from rage to panic. She even pales and her fingers unconsciously close on mine. 

"They changed it at the last minute?". She asks and her voice is wavering from fear. Olaf nods, confirming. "But Anna can still come with me, right? They must want to meet her...". Olaf shakes his head. 

"No. They have another plan. Anna will have a formal interview at that time". Elsa's eyes snap open. 

"A public interview...". She asks incredulously. Olaf confirms. "So soon?". She insists and she seems suspicious. "Olaf… what exactly is going on?". They look at each other trying to determine if they're going to fight or not. 

"These were the council conditions". She confesses. "They want Anna on screen when they decide if you are getting married or not". 

"But this makes no sense…". She starts, but then she looks at him dead in the eye. "Oh my god, wait…". And then the realization hits her. "They are gonna test her publically?". She asks horrified and Olaf grimaces mortified. "It's gonna be a massacre. How could you?".

"They wanted to see if she's ready before you can instruct her. They clearly instructed _me_ to not teach her anything, so… They didn't buy the story that she's a noblewoman at all". I pale too this time. Fuck. I look at Elsa in panic and I notice she's having her fair amount of anxiety too. But I have to admit she seems more crossed than scared this time. She taps with her index on her lips for a while, thinking. It’s a strange reaction for her. Or at least for the woman I thought she was. She is more of the queen now that Elsa herself.

“I don’t know what to do”. She says quietly and calmly at the end, covering her eyes. She starts tapping on the table with the other’s hand fingers. It’s so natural of an action I think she’s been doing this for years. The sound is clear and unnerving on the wood: tap tap tap. So I decide to cut it all off, placing my own hand on hers. She immediately turns to look at me as if I shoot her in between her eyes. She looks so surprised from a simple gesture like this. 

“What…?”. I ask in confusion. “Was I not meant to do that?”. I ask and Elsa opens her mouth to comfort me, but Olaf is faster. 

“You never interrupt the queen’s thinking Anna. This could lead to her forgetting what she was doing and the finding of a solution would take longer”. He explains gently, but in his voice there is a bit of an admonishment. Oh… I look at my hand and bite my lips. Already failing all right, Anna. I try to take my hand back but as I look at Elsa, she’s smiling. She’s looking comforting where words couldn’t. 

“Don’t listen to him…”. She says, gently. “You do that all you want. I don’t mind being treated as a human being sometimes, you know. And this…”: She breathes quietly, placing her other hand on mine. “...is very helping. thanks”. At that point I don’t know if she is being serious or just polite, but I like it. It is as if we are comforting each other, not even knowing why. And if me, touching her hand, can help her that much, why can’t her smile do that too? So I smile back and her own grows bigger. “We are gonna make it”. She concludes and I immediately know she’s not talking about the interview or the council. She’s talking about us. “We are gonna make it”. She insists and I nod, pressing my lips tight. 

I have to have faith in her. Look where I am… I am in a castle. Some nights back I was sleeping in a subway. I have to have faith in her, not just because she’s asking for it. But because she deserves it. She has demonstrated plentily that she is fully capable of not hurting me. And that is a skill that very few people possess naturally. And those are either saints or dead. 

“Yeah… Yeah… we are gonna make it”.

* * *

Even if Olaf’s announcement was scary and unpredicted… well, we rolled accordingly. We had no other choice, even if I would have preferred to be visiting the kingdom by now and not being in a limo to an appointment I don’t really want to attend to. A battle I know, I’ve already lost. I bite hard at my lips and look at the fingers that cover my face. Be strong Elsa… this is gonna end soon. As a band aid pulled off quickly. And then… And then… Anna is gonna hate me for lying to her. Lying about getting married. Even if it’s not really my fault. Even if it was not really my intention to lie to her. I’m the queen and I am at fault for everything that happens in my kingdom, my house. 

The poor Anna still believes in me. I have to fight. 

I cross my legs and try to stop thinking, to enjoy the silence. A little quiet… for once. But it isn’t. It isn’t quiet. The rolling of the tires on the asphalt, the constant buzzing of the radio Olaf is listening to, they confound me, they keep me from concentrating. I groan, unable to think. And I desperately need to think, to solve this horrible puzzle. How did I put myself in this situation? How did I ever dare to fall in love? I scoff at the absurdity of it all. 

“Elsa”. Olaf's voice wakes me up from my lucubrations. I pull up my head and look at him above the driver’s seat. He seems worried. He looks at me from the back mirror with his calculating eyes. “You’ve been awfully quiet for a while… and I don’t like that”. He says and I sigh. 

“How did I manage to get her?”. I ask. It's nearly a whisper but he hears it. I see him make a face. The face that means he doesn’t have a clue. He raises his shoulders. “I feel like an animal Olaf”. I breathe. “A wild animal, closed in a cage. They keep on pushing and pushing me in a corner… have you ever felt like that?”. 

“Yeah… In my own way”. He answers gently. “But you know that. You helped me to escape”. He says and I nod. I know. Yes. 

“You ran away”. I say, trying to convince myself. “But I can’t escape”. A long moment of silence falls and neither of us dare to speak a word, but then reality forces itself out.

“No… you can’t”. He says deadly.

“And Anna… she can’t save me, right? As desperately as I desire it…”. Silence again.

“No”.

“So… what do I do?”. I ask calmly and Olaf as the good friend he is, thinks about it seriously. He taps his fingers on the steering wheel. 

“Do you still feel like fighting for it?”. He asks and after a second I finally nod. He smiles. “Good then. It means they haven’t killed you yet”. He says. “Then you fight tonight, because you can’t save yourself and neither can Anna, but she could make your prison so less unbearable, Els. What choice do you have left? This is better than cry yourself over like you did or drink yourself unconscious”.

“Life sucks”. I say and he smiles. 

“To think that little girls would kill to be in your position”. He chuckles wearily. “They probably don’t know what to be a queen asks you for”. 

“No, they don’t. And it’s better that way. Being a puppet is not a nice experience to be having”. I say and at that time I realize what all of this conversation was useful for. “Do I really want to put Anna in my same position? She’s so… happy”. 

“I mean… she’s asking for it”.

“Well… she doesn’t know what she’s asking for”. _I must protect her from this._ This is the only thing I can think of. This is the only thing I can do for her. And am I really so confident I can make her life better, just by closing her in a cage with me?

The car stops and me and Olaf look at each other. We are here at the parliament. This pantomime has finally started. I’m scared. My breath comes in cold rags. My knees are trembling. I don’t feel like going in. I don't want to see the council. What if they say no? But more importantly… what will I do if they say yes?

“Anna is having a formal interview, right?”. I ask and Olaf nods. “She’s having it right now, right?”. 

“Yeah… it’s starting”. He says gently. “So it means we are late, darling”. He says gently. “They are waiting for us”. 

“It means she’s being streamed on the public channel all over the kingdom. So she can be heard on the radio…”. I say and I know he knows what I’m after. 

“No, Elsa. We can't. If we are late, they may think we are tricking them and they will be angry to no beyond. That may ruin all our plans''. He says and even if I’m disappointed I know he is right. “Please get off the car and let’s finish this, ok?”. And so I have to comply, for Anna’s happiness over mine. 

And that’s how I find myself seated at the head of the long council’s table. All the old men sitting around it look at me. They don’t speak a word. They don’t need to. They just turn on the small screen placed strategically on the other side of the room and watch. The screen turns to colour and then image and then Anna is there. Sitting on a harmchair bigger than her. And she seems so small and afraid… and I placed her there. I put her there, for what?

I see her shifting, squirming in it like a little scared mouse, waiting for the lady interviewer to swallow her up. And now she looks like the first time I saw her in that bar, without the crying of course, but the pain… the pain is there. And I could lie to myself, telling that she’s gonna be fine with me once this is over. That her life is gonna be great. But why do I keep feeling like I am setting up a trap for her?

The show starts and I feel like I am watching it from inside a bubble. 

“So… you’re Anna”. Says the interviewer. Anna pulls at her hands and nods in her childish way. “You know every person in this kingdom was dying to meet you?”. Anna points at her heart with a finger.

“Do they? Why?”. She asks innocently and I smile at that. This is just like Anna.

“Because you are marrying our queen, silly”. The interviewer chuckles. “So… care to tell us how that happened? How did you two meet?”. _What does she like in you?_ Is the unspoken question. And Anna gets it. And here starts the painful part. Anna swallows and bits her lips. 

“We met… at a party”. I grimace. It is so clear she is lying that everyone notices, even the interviewer. Her smile grows broadly and all the old men around the table turn to look at me, displeased. 

“A party… how wonderful”. The interviewer keeps on talking. “So… you two did dance?”. And I see the nervousness in Anna’s eyes, she’s recollecting my clumsy attempt to win her over, of that night. A memory neither I want to linger much on. Then she opens her mouth and sighs. 

“She tried to convince me, but… I have two left feet, so I was not of much entertainment for her”. She says and the interviewer starts chuckling. 

“Yeah… she’s the best dancer in the kingdom”. The interviewer says, as if to remind the audience. “She’s taken lessons since she was two. Her father was very proud of her. But you must surely know…”. Anna’s eyes become as big as plates and she looks utterly taken aback and I feel utterly shit now. All this talking about marriage and it doesn’t even cross my mind to talk to her about… well… me. She’s willingly marrying a stranger. 

“No, I… didn’t know that”. Anna says, genuinely and her lips become a thin line. 

“Well, yeah… she’s a genius at everything she does really. Before becoming a queen she was called ‘the small prodigy'. She was a chess winner, a nice cook, an excellent instrument player and a linguist and if I recall well she built an entire house on her own when she was fifteen”.

“Is that so?”. Anna asks, thinking and nodding as if she can’t believe it. “That’s why she pulled the ‘entitlement’ card, back then”. She murmurs thinking and I feel like she has discovered me doing something bad all along. Anna nods and then chuckles between herself for a joke no one made. “That stinker…”. As she says that word the entire universe becomes silent as if it has fallen under a malediction. 

“You call her majesties, master and owner of all of us, the queen… that stinker?”. Asks the interviewer offended and horrified. Anna smiles and so do I, even if behind my hand. 

“Yes… you see… she was actually waiting for me to ask that night… you know. So she would be able to tell me how great she is. She thought that would make me interested”. Anna chuckles at the interviewer’s confusion. “Well played Els, well played. You must be smarter than me, but I got you there”. At her calling my name everything freezes up again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”. Anna smiles directly at the camera and then sits more comfortably, crossing her hands with a wicked smile on her face. 

“Oh, don’t worry I know… and if she’s listening, she knows too”. The interviewer nods in confusion and hurries to the next question. 

“Well… how interesting”. The interviewer says, crossing her legs. “Do you call her majesty names often?”.

"No… she's the one who usually calls me names". Anna answers and the interviewer looks at her as if she can't believe her. 

"I can't imagine the queen being a nick caller". Confesses the woman and Anna makes a perplexed face. "What does she call you?".

"Oh… names. I don't know if I can't repeat them, since I don't know what they mean. She doesn't want to translate and I don't have the courage to search for them". The interviewer seems surprised. She leans for Anna to whisper in her ear. 

"Tell me". The woman insists and Anna obeys, telling her quietly and when Anna speaks she smiles incredulous. "She calls you snuppa". The interviewer says and the audience goes 'awww' and my head goes full 'earth swallow me'.

"Is it good?". Anna asks in confusion and the interviewer finally seems to crack for Anna. Her smile is the most genuine of the night. 

"She's been calling you sweetie and you didn't know?". When the realisation hits Anna she becomes as red as a tomato and she gasps as if she had gone mute. 

"If I knew I would have never said it on the camera". She confessed and then chuckled nervously.

"There's nothing bad about it. It just means she's confident with you… and it's also interesting. She seems so stoic". And it's Anna's turn to scoff. 

"Oh, no… Elsa's the exact opposite of stoic. She's so sweet…". I cover my eyes in embarrassment as some of the old men start murmuring in disappointment. "She's a cinnamon roll".

"Is she?".

"I know why you're so surprised. I've seen her doing 'the queen' face". Anna says. "And I was scared too that she was like that". Anna confessed and I felt a grip take my insides. A boulder on my chest. "But then… she proved to me that she is different. She is different from the queen. She has to act like that".

"Does she?".

"Yes… yes. She is… she is insecure. Don't hate her. She's human too". And at that a single year falls on my cheek, but then my hand automatically makes it disappear. She sees me. The only person that knows me less… knows me the most. "She's my baby. My baby with big blue eyes".

"She has blue eyes?". Asks the interviewer and Anna seems surprised at the question. 

"Yeah… haven't you seen?".

"No. No one is allowed to look at her in the…". And then the screen turns off. I clear my throat and pull myself together, sitting composed on the chair. The old men pull out their phone from their pockets. They tap, slowly as only elders can do, but at the end the whole council turns to look at me. 

"We have voted". The council head announces. I gulp down. "And we have decided…".

* * *

I'm sitting on the bed sleepless. It has been hours. She should be here with the answer at this point. I torment my hands. I said so many stupid things at the interview… She's probably angry at me and she doesn't want to see me. I can get that. I swallow. I'm dying from anxiety. I need to talk to her. I stretch on the bed and look at the canopy. I look at my hands. I tap my fingers on the mattress and turn to look at the clock on the bedside table. It marks half past eleven in the evening. Enough, I have to go find her.

I stand up, barefoot and leave my room. The corridor is dark, and it gives me the creeps. In Norway at seven in winter it's like midnight in every other country. You can't see a damn thing. I don't want to be outside here alone, but I have no choice. It helps that I already know where to go. Olaf showed me where the queen's room is, before leaving. So I muster my courage and I enter the dark corridor. I close my door behind me and start tiptoeing in the dark.

I hate dark and I hate this dark more. I don't know where I'm going and I'm fairly sure someone has been killed at some point in these corridors. 

And suddenly something touches me in the dark and I panic. I try to run but something grabs me and covers my mouth as if they know I am going to scream. So I start wailing, but when I feel a gentle kiss on my shoulder and her smell… I calm down. 

"That's it snuppa. It's me…". She breathes, letting me go. "No need to be scared. It's me. I'm back". And as my hand is free I hit her. I do, because my heart is beating so fast and because she nearly scared me to death. 

"You… you…". I start, not even knowing how to finish the sentence. "You idiot! You nearly killed me. Where have you been?". I ask, half mad and half worried. Her breath is trembling and after a second that she doesn't answer I really start to worry, because I can't see her in all that dark. "Babe, are you ok?".

"No…". Comes the quiet whining and now I know she's been crying. I feel like dying. 

"Did I hit you too hard?". I ask, immediately touching her to be sure she's ok, but she says no, in her tiny little voice. "So what? What did they do to you? I'm gonna kill them".

"Could we please not? In the corridor?". She asks and then I understand. She's trying not to get caught by the judgy maids. 

"Let's go to my room. It's the nearest". I say and before she can even think of opposing, I take her hand and I pull her down the corridor with me. I enter the room and I don't even bother to turn up the light. If she's that upset, it's probably obvious she doesn't want to be seen. I close the door and as I do I see her shadow climbing the bed and disappear under the covers. "So… will you tell me what happened?". I ask, climbing next to her and covering myself up to my head to be at her same level. She gulps down. "Did they say no?".

"They agreed for us to get a temporary engagement… to see how it goes". She says in a sad voice. And after a moment of realization my mind finally grasps it. I caress her cheek gently. 

"You should be happy about it… it means we succeeded". She gulps down again and shakes her head. "Aren't you happy we got it so easily?".

"No…". She says and I feel my heart sink in my chest. What is she saying now? 

"You don't want to marry me? Have you changed your mind?". I ask, trying to understand and she shakes her head again. 

"I do. I do want to marry you". She says and here the mystery deepens. 

"Then what is it? Please spill it. I'm dying over here". 

"But are you sure you do?". She asks and then proceeds. "You don't really want to marry me, Anna". She says and I deadpan. Don't I? I reckon I said yes at some point there… "I'm awful and this… this is gonna ruin you. I don't want to close you in a cage". She whispers. Oh… She's being insecure again. 

"Where do you get this kind of thoughts from? Hm?". I ask gently, caressing her cheek with my thumbs. "Tell me you haven't been crying for this all evening. This would be awful and stupid". She doesn't answer so I stretch my arms out and hug her. I hold her tight, pressing her head in the nip of my throat. "I'm not in a cage, Els. I love to be here with you".

"But you're gonna be. And I want you to be free. Free from this awful life". She insists. "Run now. Run now while you can. If you need money, I'll give them to you. I'll cover you in them. Just don't turn back". I scoff. 

"Oh, baby. I don't want your money. I thought I had made myself clear about that". I say. 

"This is different Anna". She answers and she seems dead serious now. "I'm not trying to buy you. I'm not testing you. I'm trying to give you a way out". She says and I click my tongue. 

"I don't need a way out. My way out would make me end up alone. And when you're alone it doesn't matter if you sleep in a subway or in a beautiful house, Els. So please, spare me your guilty thoughts. I'm here because I want to be. Maybe I didn't know what I was buying at the beginning, but now…". I feel her gulp quietly. 

"I can't even decide to marry you, alone. I need people to approve. Do you really want to give your life away like that?". She asks and I chuckle. 

"Yeah… I do. And if you have nothing else to confess to me, like… if you didn't change your mind, just stop talking. Because I'm starting to think you just want to get rid of me and you don't know how". I say and as I commanded she falls silent.

"Anna… I'm serious here". She says, rising her head and looking at me directly in the eyes. "Are you sure you want to marry me? Aren't we running too fast, are we?". 

"You asked me to marry you". I say chuckling and her lips become a thin line, then she nods.

"Yes… that was before I realised what it would imply for you". She explains and I scoff. "So I am asking you. Did you think about this? Are you damn sure you want to go over all of this?".

"Yes… and yes". 

"I don't want no crying after. There can be no regret Anna". She says and I roll my eyes, exasperated. 

"There won't". I answer. "You were already pretty clear about it. I got it, ok? Relax… I know what I'm accepting". She doesn't seem convinced about it, but she doesn't dare saying a word more, in fear I'll get offended. "Good. Now tell me when we're getting married…".

"If we convince the council we are a winning horse?". She asks. "A month and a half". I smile. Oh my God, I would have never imagined I would be so excited about it. "That's the time _they_ need to be ready for it".

"Who cares?". I ask. "Less work for us. They will arrange the marriage while we have fun". I say and she looks at me in confusion. "Now smile at me, Els. We are getting married!". I grip her face and scrunch it. I'm so elated!

"Anna… you're hurting me". She tries while her face is contorted under my hands. 

"That's what you deserve for not telling me what snuppa means". I say, freeing her and she smiles evilly. Her eyes are still worried, but at least she's trying to not succumb to her fears.

"Ah, you're right… now I have to find another word…".

"Don't you dare!". I tell and then immediately cover my mouth. "Are you supposed to be here? By the way?". I ask and she shakes her head. 

"No… so you don't get us discovered, could you?". She says, placing her index on her nose. I nod and I lie back down. "I will buy you a cell phone so we can chat at night. So I can see you. But you must keep it secret". I laugh.

"That's ridiculous! Wouldn't it be strange to chat from a floor to another? That would be depressing". I ask and she shrugs. Then she hugs me back and stops moving. 

"That's what we get, Anna. We have no other choice til we are married". She says and I nod, caressing her hair gently. 

"So… what day? What day are we getting married?". 

“Again… It's a maybe". She tries but I don't want to listen, so she sighs. "Probably my birthday”. She says, surprising me. "They usually choose that date for big events".₩

“Am I gonna be your present then?”. I ask and she smiles. 

“Of some sort…”. She chuckles.

“And when is that?”. 

“I would prefer for it to be a surprise”. She says, caressing my cheek. I pout but she doesn't want to hear any reason. She stares at me in the dark for minutes. "I hope you never stop loving me like you do right now". She breathes and I feel my heart sink. 

"Who said I love you?". I ask, but she chuckles. 

"Hm… right". She whispers and then I feel her lips brushing mine. "Maybe you need some more convincing". 


End file.
